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Triggering (SI/ED) - Revelation
Hey, I'm new to this board. Thought I'd put up a thread to explain a little about myself.
I joined this site (and another about a month before this) after I realised something...it's been nearly 7 years (cutting...SH in general has been as far back as I can remember), and I'm still harming myself, and now in a variety of different ways. I somehow convinced myself that it's ok because I don't do it as often as I did and I don't have too many scars...and I don't do it anywhere that's visible in day to day interaction.
But so what? When I do SI it's a lot deeper, to the point where I need stitches (though I've never actually been for any). It used to be nothing more than a few scratches and now each time I do it I think I might need medical attention...how did I ever convince myself this is ok?
Maybe because I don't think I have any problems. Not compared to the majority of people out there. Even I see myself as an attention seeker. Looking at me, hearing me talk, you wouldn't think I do this to myself. So why do I? I really can't say. And I guess that's why I'm reluctant to go to a counsellor.
And now it's getting to the point where it could be argued I have an eating disorder. It started as a restrictive diet, but now it's getting to the point where I eat 600 calories in a day and feel anxious. And the worst part? I'm still overweight! Gah!
I don't know why I wrote all that. I don't know what I want from it. It started off as an explanation as to why I'm here and now it turned into a rant. Sorry about that :S
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