I don't know why I keep expecting you to reply... I guess I just want to feel a bit of love. Please let me know you got my message ok and all is well, please? I'm going insane just sitting here waiting. ohh the irony!
G <3 I wish I could tell you that I consider you a dad rather than a grandad. I wish you knew how much you meant to me. How you make me feel loved, and how everytime you talk to me or see me, juust, amazing. I'm lucky to have you in my life. I wish you knew just how much I love you. I consider you a Dad. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. x Thankyou, for everything.
I used to respect you so much, and I don't know what's happening right now but I miss you so much at the same time. It's horrible. Please, can things be back to normal again? I guess they won't. Time changes things. Circumstances change. That's a good thing sometimes but not always.
how long until you figure out that i'm not worth anything?
how long until you find another girl?
how long until it's gone again and i realize i've hurt my heart too much?
i'm so ugly i can't bare to face myself today. today i see NOTHING worth while about me. today i can't see anyone ever wanting to stay with me. there is nothing good about me. there is nothing worth fighting for, or staying. there is nothing to love. i don't trust myself. i don't like myself. i have to pack but i can't bring myself to start. i'm ashamed of how fat i am, how thin my hair is, how pale i am. you told me before you liked tan girl, thin girls, girls with smaller chests, girls with thick dark hair that's short. i'm none of those things. i'm worthless. you called to say you're going to the movies with the girl names Kat. she's probably pretty. at least i picture her to be. she probably likes you - that's why she texted you about going to the movie.
i trust you. you won't cheat on me. but you'll realize how much better you can do. you'll realize how stupid it is to be with someone like me. i will be heartbroken and it will mean nothing to you. i'm so scared. i seriously don't want to go on this trip anymore. i want to stay here and sleep. sleep until i'm thin. sleep until i forget i'm worthless.
if i go your family will be annoyed. they already said they don't like me. you didn't want me to meet them. you didn't introduce me. you're probably ashamed. i feel guilty for being me. i'm sorry you have to put up with me.
We're ten years apart. I was 18 when I started dating you. Six years have passed and I'm growing into someone that I feel I may be able to love, but last night you made it clear that you do not like this person.
Now I'm not so sure that I can love this person either.
if he's just as good as them, and they didn't believe i was worth their time, why would he stay? when they realized how worthless i was, there was nothing i could do to make them stay. this thought haunts me. it's the reason i still can't pack. it's the reason i'm crying.
I kinda wish I never met you. You say all those things... but... I just don't know. You've been nothing but kind to me, but I'm starting to think it's only because I remind you of her.
Something tells me it's not supposed to feel like this :/ Regret saying anything now. How could I be so stupid...
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I'm sorry, I didnt want to get rid of your dog, but it wasnt my choice.
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Big deal, all days are the same for me now. Boring, pointless, and utterly devoid of any happiness and friendship. Thanks life, you really did me over yet again.
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