Support for Cacoethes (Beckie)

[Cacoethes]

Sorry i disappeared.
Was horizontal for most of the afternoon. Just feel like absolute crap
Very little energy

Just seen psych dr. They're calling a MHA assessment.
Am unclear as to why exactly.
They're still insisting i don't have capacity.
And apparently i actually do have a dx of atypical anorexia.
She seems convinced that the eating thing is a form of self harm or protest. Protest against what?? Given the fact that food wasn't really a thing at home either. Doing a secret protest against....???
And technically yeah it's self harm. But not self harm for self harms sake. If that makes sense. Not like cutting. It's more of a side effect.
She also said my bmi is not at a concerning level to consider long term ED hospital treatment or something like that. Thanks for drawing attention to my bmi dr....
Anyway. Hoping the MHA assessment will be done quickly, so I'm not hanging around and panicking for too long. Hopefully because it's within office hours, it will happen faster?? Is that a thing??
And also Hopefully they see sense and let me go.
It doesn't help my case that i look like shit.

[tamobhuuta]

Would you be able to eat and exercise sensibly if you went home?

[Cacoethes]

More likely to do that at home than here tbh.
Idk any nutritional info for the food here
Plus i feel really sick and blah

[Elmer]

Beckie, you're in hospital after nearly dying from your eating disorder. Your body shut down because you weren't eating and you were exercising to an extreme level. By the sounds of it you're still unable to eat in hospital.

Would someone who was mentally well and who had capacity choose to refuse to do something to save their own life purely in the name of weight loss?

I know it's painful and scary but your brain is an organ and it's suffering in just the same way as your heart. You can't think the way that you would if you were well.

I'm so sorry it's come to this, I cannot imagine how you feel.

[Cacoethes]

Probably not tbh.

I can see the logic, i just can't see it applying to me. Which is bonkers

Still no MHAA but seen gastro.
Who asked if i knew this could be fatal. I've been asleep all day so was trying my best to communicate. He then abruptly said 'i can see you're not in the mood to talk' and then fucked off. So none the wiser as to what is happening

[Cacoethes]

Just had MHAA.
I honestly can't tell how it was
Did very much sound like they have made their minds up, like they always do
Now we wait. Hopefully not for long

[Elmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cacoethes

I can see the logic, i just can't see it applying to me. Which is bonkers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elmer

You can't think the way that you would if you were well.

Also, that sounds really rude of the gastro person - just leaving without giving you a chance to talk.

Hopefully there will be more clarity with what's going on soon.

[Cacoethes]

I have been sectioned.
And i still don't really know what's going on.
I'm not being sectioned to a psych ward, just here.
They're making me have a 1:1 rmn and i have to have S17 written up to go for fresh air. Which is stupid as there's a garden bit literally 30 seconds out of the door. And i have to go with someone. Idk when rmn person will be turning up.
I cried. A lot.
They basically threatened psych ward if the eating and refeeding bloods don't go well.
MHAA people (the amhp was a total dick) said that the psych ward can help with the ED. Fucking LOL. All they do is the opposite. Plus I'd be discharged from the ED team again.

I am fuming tbh

[Elmer]

Sending the love <3

I don't really know what to say but I am here.

[Cacoethes]

Thank you <3

I just don't understand that their main concern is apparently blood sugars, yet they haven't been checked since 6am...
Seems a bit suspicious tbh

[long road]

Could you get them to write their treatment plan down and what their concerns are in a letter or something? With how ill you are you might not be able to retain the information they are giving you properly or understand it so having a reference could be really handy. I know you were struggling to focus before admission as well

Psych Liaison sent me a letter by email summarising stuff from our discussion when I was inpatient for my asthma in 2021 and being assessed for FND and generally mental because I was struggling to concentrate and remember things. They sent the letter while I was still on the ward. It helped me.

[Cacoethes]

I asked the nurse and she was like yeah, your sugars were fine when night staff checked them. So i really dk what's going on
I'll have to ask what my blood results were because if they're fine, then i am medically stable and don't need to be here

[long road]

If you leave would you eat anything? Would you go back to running?Because if not eating and over exercising agsin then your sugars would go back down. And then technically you arent medical stable because if you leave the hospital you will detiorate. Your blood sugars are ok because they ar egiving you glucose and you aren't exercising.

I know it is really hard being there right now. And the way they are going at thingsis quite forceful / threatening which is not the best way to help someone make a really difficult change. But your ED legimately nearly killed you. Psychs might hyperbole at times to 'scare you straight' but medical doctors don't tend to.

We all care about you a lot and don't want you to die. And I don't think you want to die either, but if you leave and nothing changes ED wise you might die.

[Cacoethes]

I haven't had any glucose or vitamins since yesterday

But yes, i do understand what you're saying

I'm still super pissed off about it
And being moody and closed my curtains, like a petulant teenager

[long road]

You have every right to be pissed off. Hospitals fucking sucks. Losing control of your own life sucks. But unfortunately you are seriously ill with ED and they have a duty of care.

I hope having the curtains closed is helping you cope. And feel free to FB me if you want any time I barely sleep anymore

[Cacoethes]

I guess so

It is a bit
I'll probably be moved at some point. Already been here longer than anyone else.
Unusual to be on AAU for this long.
I'm scared of being moved to the gastro ward.

Thanks jen <3

[long road]

Anything that helps even a tiny bit is worth it.

I can understand how scary being moved to gastro would be as it means tube would be more likely. But at least the nurses might understand your condition better? As they will see a lot of people with different kinds of ED.

[Cacoethes]

Suppose so.
I'll probably just end up going to some random ward where there happens to be a free bed tbh.
But the consultant on Friday said 'S ward would be good for her'
Which is the gastro ward.
But idk if things have changed
Honestly i have no idea wtf is going on

[Elmer]

I hope that they move you somewhere relatively quiet and comfortable.

It seems wild to me that the ED team would discharge you when you've been sectioned because of your ED - I hope there is some decent communication that prevents that if you do go to a psych ward at any point.

[Uglyducklin]

I am so glad they got to you on time. Please take care