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20-02-2013, 01:23 PM
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#1
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leave a note.
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Graphic - Body hate, suicidal
I have today finally seen myself through clear eyes.
I am overweight, and, i am disgusting. I look horrible and sa result i hate myself and feel like i don't deserve to live.
The last time i saw my body so clearly i took action and lost weight.
Now all i want to do is wrap my fairy lights around my neck until i can't breathe anymore. I actually long for that feeling right now, to dive me closer to death.
i just needed to share. I know not many if you know who i am. I cannot say. I'm supposed to be well.
Thanks for reading.
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20-02-2013, 04:14 PM
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#2
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Fat Bastard Extraordinaire.
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I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. Is there anyone you can talk to? There is no shame in struggling even when ou are in a place where you are well, though right now it does t sound like you are. Why do you feel you are "supposed" to be happy?
Sending some hugs
Ritzi x
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22-02-2013, 06:43 AM
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#3
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Chat Mod
Join Date: Aug 2009
I am currently:
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Sometimes when we see ourselves we see a distorted perception of ourselves and not our true image. Do you think you are able to hold onto that?
Even when we're well we can have periods of being less well, and there is no shame in having a few bad days again, particularly if you are doing so well; everyone slips from time to time.
If by 'taking action' you mean engaging in an ED again, I think you know it wouldn't be a good idea. It's a slippery, dangerous slope, and it's a slope you've fought hart to get away from. You don't want to go down that path again.
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It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do. We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us. We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
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22-02-2013, 06:56 AM
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#4
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leave a note.
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Thank you both Ritzi and Sophia, I really appreciate the responses.
I haven't spoken to anyone about this for a long time, though I have been considering it lately as you're right Sophia, I do need to get help before my behaviours become worse and thoughts more overbearing.
You're right, I don't want to go down that path again, not now, I have too much to lose. (Including weight,.. lol). I have tried and tried and tried healthy diet plans but they last so very little, and then I get very disheartened.
Maybe it's time I went to a weekly dietician. I mean I can't afford it yet but in a few weeks I might be able to. That kind of gives me a bit of hope.
Once again, thank you for your replies, especially as I know you have a lot going on Ritzi and when you don't really know me very well. And thank you very much Sophia for taking the time, too x
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