Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Down and out

Marko · 08-10-2009, 06:24 PM

Don't really know what I'm doing on here, you lot can't help on this one.

Ok, I'm strugglig worse than I have in a long time, off to see new shrink tomorrow who specialises in depersonalization disorder. Joy. I'm sick of just gettingi on with life pretending all is finewhere it's so not.

I took the decision this week to not pretend andto see if anyone noticed. My fiancé commeted that I loomed sad on Monday but that is the only mention I've had since.

Anyhow enough about me, thisthread isn't about me.

2 years ago my grandad had a stroke, he has never made a full recovery from this and lastweek had to have a pacemaker fitted, he just got out of hospital and last night had to be rushed back in following what they believe to have been a heart attack. It's apparently hard to diagnose when a pacemaker is fitted. This afternoon they have also identified he has a water and a chest infection.

He won't be out any time soon we don't think, that is being positive and assuming he will be out. We just don't know.

In a way this depersonalization is a blessing at the momen as I see my family suffering so much I am numbed from it, as per every day of y life I'm just getting on with it, nothing I do will change anything so why kid myself.

Anyhow, don't even know of what benefit this post is, guess I just need to talk.

As for trigger label, figured I'd over rate it for safety.

Meh

Elley88 · 08-10-2009, 09:37 PM

I'm sorry about your grandad, that's always going to be hard. But hopefully he will be on the mend soon. Maybe you could try and look at your meeting tomorrow as a positive thing - if they're a specialist than they might be able to help quite a lot. I guess it's also important to talk about things, especially as you have a lot going on at the moment - I'm sure your fiance would want you to talk about the fact that you're struggling at the moment? x

88shelz · 09-10-2009, 12:23 PM

do you feel any better after writing it all down?
good luck with your appointment.

Marko · 09-10-2009, 06:44 PM

not really of any help no. things are not looking good here, especially for my grandad. he is now on a ventilator and we (the family) have been asked if he has a DNR :'(

as for my session today. interesting i guess, too early to draw conclusions just yet tho. perhaps it will help, perhaps not, who knows.

Marko · 12-10-2009, 07:48 PM

Any recommendation on good places to hide?