I'm on leave from IP until Wednesday and will probably be discharged. Does that mean my section 2 has been lifted?
It all started ok and I did my house work and washing and even went and got two new piercings.
Then I binged and I bought water pills, laxatives and a lot of the pills that nearly killed me just over 2 weeks ago.
I feel so alone and I honestly feel that I shouldn't be alive anymore.
I haven't even got any fucking sleeping pills so I am wide awake.
I feel huge. I want to cut and burn and rip all this fat off of me.
I can't face living anymore. I truly believe that this life isn't for me.
"Call the crisis team if you need..."
And say what exactly? I can't call them and I am not sure I want to. I don't think I can do it.
I told them it wouldn't do me good in there and they admitted they couldn't help me, so nothing has changed apart from I actually feel more hopeless and more at ease with dying?
My mum and friends keep texting and calling but I am not answering because it's overwhelming.
I am in bed, trying to deal with side effects from laxatives and trying to keep safe but I'm not sure if I can.
After so many years I don't think I can go on anymore. I've even began writing a suicide note which I have never done before.
Another ex patient is trying to get me to call the crisis team. I keep dialling and then hanging up. I feel so stupid. I really don't know what to say.
I don't even know if i want saving that's the thing.
I was so close to dying two weeks ago and I was so angry at being saved, and now here I am and I could do it. I think it's just the guilt of the hurt it would cause my family that is stopping me....but it's so painful. I can't go on like this.
And you're not stupid for calling them. In fact, quite the opposite. You have their number for a reason and they exist to help you.
You need to talk to someone, so give them a call. Please.
Your family is a good reason to keep on struggling. While i'm not familiar with your case and I apologize for this, I think keeping a focus on something is very important. In this case your family. So, keep them in your mind and in your heart. What better cause is there to keep living than family?
- Best birthday present ever.
- Which one?
- You letting me take care of you.
I am currently chatting to another ex patient and although I don't feel able to call crisis I have agreed to show them the note and pills when they come tomorrow. I have been cleaning my flat and doing washing trying to distract myself. I wish I could sleep but insomnia has been a nightmare even with PRN. Not that I have been prescribed any for home.
I'm running out of things to do though and thoughts are going insane. If I wasn't so anxious I would go for a run but I live right in the town centre and of course, being Friday night there are lots of drunks.
I am so frustrated at myself. I wish I could be different but I don't see a future and if you can't see a future than how can things change?
The geek in me is going to give you some advice on what to do if you run out of things to do. :)
If you already haven't, get yourself an World of Warcraft account. It's an mmorpg computer game. If anything, it'll keep you distracted for a very long time.
Plus since you're English ( I think ) you have the benefit of making new friends as most players ( who I knew at least ) were almost all English..
- Best birthday present ever.
- Which one?
- You letting me take care of you.
Hey.
So. I have a mega headache and laxative hangover. Didn't get much sleep but I have made myself get up and sort my flat and get dressed. I am going to try my damned hardest to tell the crisis team what happened last night.
I have contacted a new gym that has opened near me and asked to help me get fit and told them about my ED. they have replied to say they want to help me so that's good. Obviously I won't go until I have been officially discharged from general psych and I am going to try and push for ED treatment as my BMI has now hit the threshold... Shame it takes getting sicker to get help.
You are a wonderful kind and supportive person with so much to give. Please reach out so that they can keep you safe if you can't . I'm low on words but thinking of you . You matter and I am glad you are here xx
Hey, just thought I would let you know that I am in general, currently waiting to go back to the same ward as I had a crisis on Saturday night. All a bit of a blur and currently on arms length 1 2 1 which isn't fun.
It's all a bit of a blur but I od'd and self harmed and crisis team got to me just in time after my mum called them. I've been moved from ward to ward but now been given the all clear and waiting for transport to go 2minutes across the road which is infuriating. But I'm not allowed to walk. I am shattered and have a mega headache. I don't really know what to say at the moment. The nursing staff are frustrating me as they won't talk directly to me but to my two friends and the 121 staff instead. I may have tried to take my life but I'm still human and can understand what's going on!
Geez, I wish the nursing staff would show kindness and understanding towards you instead of frustration. But that's probably too much to ask.. =/
And this; " they won't talk directly to me ". This got me really upset.
You need to shake things up a bit so they'll notice you. Just tell them to stop with the attitude and to threat you with the respect you deserve.
One thing I don't understand is why doesn't anyone do something to help you? Seems to me no one is doing anything concrete..
Regardless, we are here for you. Don't forget that!
X
Last edited by MariaOlivia85 : 04-04-2016 at 09:19 PM.
- Best birthday present ever.
- Which one?
- You letting me take care of you.
Thank you guys. I'm finally back on the ward. They were not going to take me until gone 10pm but again, didn't tell me that instead telling the people with me. But the staff with me on 121 kicked up a fuss for me as I have been waiting for transport since 4pm to take me just down the road. So two other people from the ward walked over to accompany me back. Now I'm not allowed out for a cigarette because of my section which is frustrating as I have been smoking while on the general ward.
My friend bought my belongings but I'm not allowed them until tomorrow.
I feel emotionally numb at the moment. Everything is a mess but I literally can't cry or anything
