It might be a protective thing but fact she hasn't been in touch either shows that things have been hard for her too recently. We both have our own struggles you know? I might try and message though.
I don't know what they will say or do. They will be able to contact CmHt though and try and chas up my assessment. As for what I want to say, I want to explain how it worries me, that I started to act on thoughts without choosing and lost track. And what if next time I am in that state I try and get to the bridge. And how do we stop me getting in that state. And keep me safe. Next time I might not call.
A 'hi, I've been thinking of you' message might be a good way to start. It would be nice for you to see if you could have a general chat too, life isn't all about struggles even if it feels that way.
I hope you can share all your worries and make a helpful plan.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Well had call. It was a whole thing that I won't get into now, maybe on my thread and not super helpful.
I have been told that I am entitled to duty support as I am on CMHT caseload while I am waiting for an assessment. So been advised to ring duty at CMHT tomorrow(duty is 9-5 Mon- Fri only) and leave a message with my details (they very rarely answer the phone apparently) saying things have got worse and asking for an update on when I might get an assessment. And someone should ring back.
Thanks for support everyone will try and keep anything further in my thread.
...if you get on well with your therapist human and trust her, then maybe you can discuss with her what other options for more support might be, and perhaps trying to find a new medical human so you can get some stability there?...
I'm very sorry I forgot to thank you for your help and support to me, I really appreciate it. Yes I do trust here and means well but this particular therapist at this point even said she isn't always sure what to do with me because I'm a complicated case. I see here after the (dreaded) holidays and will ask her more questions and try to be truthful without sounding suicidal - because that automatically triggers them to push the "mandated reporter button" on their desk and next thing I know there's a knock on the door with a straight-jacket and I don't want to go IP again because I can't sleep on the psych ward.
Again, I appreciate everything you wrote, Auror, and I will try to keep my chin up.
It's hard when people say they don't know what to do. Maybe a different therapist would have a different opinion and new ideas. What do you mean by you can't accept things you can change and have control over?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
it sounds like this is not a good therapist human for you if they don't know what to do. a good therapist human, if they don't know what to do, will either refer you to someone or something else, or work with you to identify other options to try alongside therapy.
also, they won't send you IP just for talking about being dead. good therapist humans who do not freak out about being dead do exist. it just doesn't sound like this therapist human is one. it's great you trust her and she is nice to you, but it doesn't sound like she's able to meet your needs.
do you think you would be open to searching for a new therapist human? or is that not something you are able/willing to do right now? if not, maybe you can look into other support options? like case management, support groups, vocational support, etc. depending on your current needs.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
It's hard when people say they don't know what to do. Maybe a different therapist would have a different opinion and new ideas. What do you mean by you can't accept things you can change and have control over?
Oh what I meant by things I can not change and things I have no control over are like wars in the world and violence to children and animals. Things I can change are like my sleep hygiene and getting out of bed on days I'm very depressed and days when I'm disappointed I woke up ... I'm always hoping I'll die in my sleep, would be painless and end the suffering. You see, I've had several failed attempts in the past. I realized going much further would break the rules on the forum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror.
it sounds like this is not a good therapist human for you if they don't know what to do. a good therapist human, if they don't know what to do, will either refer you to someone or something else, or work with you to identify other options to try alongside therapy.
also, they won't send you IP just for talking about being dead. good therapist humans who do not freak out about being dead do exist. it just doesn't sound like this therapist human is one. it's great you trust her and she is nice to you, but it doesn't sound like she's able to meet your needs.
do you think you would be open to searching for a new therapist human? or is that not something you are able/willing to do right now? if not, maybe you can look into other support options? like case management, support groups, vocational support, etc. depending on your current needs.
Yeah, thank you both, I have a lot to think about. I only see my med provider once a month and my therapist twice a month. I do like my med provider - in fact - she would like to put me on other meds but I already take too many and have told her no and she respects my wishes, but she is only for meds and not talk therapy. I'm on state benefits and its hard to change providers but I might be open to support grouts and vocational support. Nothing will happen around the holidays so January I"ll put in my *request* to change. Its not like she isn't nice to me but we have no real connection. I've have had the misfortune with some REALLY terrible therapists idiots in the past and it was bad VERY BAD. The last one (whom moved on to other things) was able to talk to me openly about suicidal ideation and so long as I kept it at 'thoughts' we were just fine but no, not with this one.
Thanks again to the both of you and I'm sorry if I make little sense but I'm in a bad headspace as I type this out.
hmmm. we know medicaid works different state by state. but in our state you can work with anyone you want as long as they accept medicaid, and there's nothing needed to request a change. which means you can also seek out your own providers and screen them yourself too. does it not work like that in your state?
actually you can work with anyone who doesn't accept medicaid too if you can figure out monies. we've had a few therapist humans who we saw for very discounted rates (i.e. like 30$ a time) or even free because they did not take our medicaid. it can be harder to find these options but they do exist.
nice is good! but nice doesn't help you if all she is is nice and nothing else.
it also sounds like it might be worth trying to see a therapist human more often than twice a month? we see ours twice a week but it is more common to do once a week than twice a week. we've never found therapy helpful every other week because it is too much time in between to get support or explain what happens. the lack of connection could also be in part related to not seeing her often enough, but if she's not great with other stuff it doesn't sound like that side of it would change even if you could.
could you ask your med human for other potential therapist human options that maybe you could see more often? also could be worth asking them about case management. medicaid is pretty good about covering case management, so maybe that could be helpful to help figure out other options too.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
