N9t doing so well.

chinahorse · 22-10-2022, 08:32 PM

Hi.
It's been a long time. My life has changed an awful lot. And really I don't know why I'm not OK. Except I'm not. And I don't even know how to explain it. I have CMHT assessment on Monday. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to get to there without more injuries. I don't think I want to get there injury free. I'm not even sure. Can someone help me?

Elmer · 22-10-2022, 08:55 PM

Hey. You've been missed <3

I'm so sorry things are hard. It sounds like it's not easy to explain, but do you know what your thoughts/reasoning is around wanting to injure yourself? Maybe it would help to try to write it out? Even if it's just a stream of consciousness, it might help you organise some of your thoughts.

I know that it's no substitute for a physical presence, but I am thinking of you and I'm sure I'm not the only one. It's got even quieter here recently, but there's a fair few of us still about. Do you have access to any out of hours services like Mental Health Matters or the Crisis team at the moment? I don't know how you'd feel about contacting them, but maybe an option if you're able to speak to them?

maii · 22-10-2022, 10:42 PM

Wishing you well.

Unbreakable. · 23-10-2022, 04:35 PM

Love you <3

Do you know what makes you want to get there injured?

I think what Lio says about writing things down is a good start for trying to find things to say.

chinahorse · 23-10-2022, 08:42 PM

Thank you guys, means a lot that you'd all take the time out to reply.

I'm sorry. I have nothing else to write to you here really.
It's all just a bit much.

maii · 23-10-2022, 08:58 PM

Please don't worry, just say what you need and you need if it helps. I know, its too much sometimes.

Auror. · 23-10-2022, 09:17 PM

Wondered where you went off to. Sending some love and penguins (if you still like them).

[Luna] · 24-10-2022, 07:46 PM

Just want to let you know that you've been missed and that I'm thinking of you and sending love xx

Unbreakable. · 26-10-2022, 12:10 AM

Thinking of you <3

We're here if you want to talk about how your assessment went.

one_step_closer · 26-10-2022, 03:58 PM

I hope your assessment offered something that could help. You deserve it.

chinahorse · 14-11-2022, 07:23 AM

It's been a few weeks. I've been kidding myself that I can just plough on. If you don't acknowledge then it's not happening.

The assessment was difficult. The man bluntly said no service will take me on because of my diagnosis. I will grow out of this. My problems are work related.

I've spent yet another night hospital hopping. Go to one. Be sent to another. Be seen. Be judged as not requiring MH help. Except I dont know. Its the worst injury in a fair while. And it's escalating. And you didnt ask. And I have qork at 8am.

I want something tangible to hold on to.

I'm doing my best. It will never be enough. I'm tired.

Do you want to die? They ask.
I'm not sure.
There's definitely an absence of the want to live.

Unbreakable. · 14-11-2022, 10:41 AM

I'm sorry services are once more letting you down like that.
They can be so judgemental for a profession that should be a safe space for people whether it's about physically or mental health.

The stigma that comes with certain diagnoses is outrageous.
You deserve better than that and you deserve help and I hope that you know that.

Is there any way you can take a day off work if needed?

Be gentle with yourself ❤️

Pi.R^2 · 25-11-2022, 03:06 PM

I'm so sorry you continue to experience the very worst side of the MH profession. I cannot fathom how a professional could say with no shame that no service will help you with your diagnosis. It's despicable.

How are you getting on now? Do you have any strength to try to fight the lack of support by contacting PALS and that kind of thing?