Triggering (SI/ED) - Struggling...:(

loopylucy08 · 09-01-2008, 08:21 PM

Feeling like a complete failure!

Yesterday I saw my GP 4 first time since horrors of Xmas and food and I had 2 tell her my weight and altho she said I'd lost too much too fast again I feel so fat and I felt like a failure becos its not enu. And 2day 2 make it worse I had a tiny bit of ice cream...not much like I kno my calorie intake was still under 400 but Im so ashamed of it. I feel so so so low about my eating right now- I tell myself in a week when all xmas left overs ( one of my eating obsessions is that I worry about food being left over/ wasted- it feels wrong, uncomplete somehow) are finally gone- Im gunu stop eating completely and that will make it betta, but the thing is I don't feel like I can live thru that week being this huge fat blobby mass. I have found myself taking tablets for no reason and earlier I was driving home and getting really suicidal thoughts. Everything just feels so dark and Im not sure how much I can take. I feel like all the obsessive thoughts about food and calories running thru my head are driving me further into insanity and I cant find peace. I just want peace!!!!! And nt 2 b fat any more

*Grey-Glam* · 09-01-2008, 08:30 PM

*hugs*
I don't really know what to say, I'm sorry. I'm not in a good place myself. But stopping eating completely will only make things worse, physically and mentally. All kinds of physical symptoms and problems could mean you end up in hospital. I'm sure you don't want that. I don't want to see it happen to you.
If it's anything to you, you're not alone.
xxxxx

hellohefalump · 09-01-2008, 09:16 PM

Did you tell your GP how you were feeling - really low, the suicide thoughts etc? Because if you didn't, you really should because they could refer you onto someone who might be able to help - councellor, phychiatrist...

400cals is REALLY low and can't be helping with your mood. I know when I'm restricting, my mood gets really low and 400 is SEVERE restriction. Like GreyGlam said, eating nothing would be a bad idea.

Eating nothing at all is VERY bad for you. People have gone into comas from low blood sugar. I used to eat nothing a lot of the time. Eventually I got hypoglycemia (chronic low blood sugar) and ended up having to eat REALLY regularly or I'd literally go mad - the brain runs on sugar. I'd have tunnel vision and I couldn't hold a thought in my head or keep track on a conversation or even what I was saying or where I was going...

I hope things get better for you soon. I really would urge you to eat more, but I know it's not easy.

ickle-duckling · 10-01-2008, 01:31 AM

Do you think you could go back to your GP and (like the others said) maybe have a word with her about your suicidal thoughts and the details of how you're feeling? It sounds like you're really not in a good place at the moment and maybe you could benefit from a bit of extra support from professionals? As the others have said, 400 kcal is severe restriction and will be having really bad effects on your body as well as your mood - which then won't help your depression and suicidal thoughts ...

Take care,
Em x

[Purple_Rain] · 10-01-2008, 08:01 PM

*hugs you tight* if your GP has said you;ve lsot too much to fast, then she would have had good reason to hunni.

400kcals isnt enough, its really good you managed that littl ebit of icecream though. dont think of it as a negitive, but as a positive. you were strong enough to manage to eat it. its amazing hunni, you should be proud of yourself.

stopping eatign altogether really really is nto a good idea hun. it can do alot of damage inside you and you wont be able to see it.

i can second (well fourth) what everyone else has said baotu going back to your doctor. they will be bale to help you, or refer you to someone else who can help you, with the suicidle feeling. we all knwo they arnt pleasant hunni, and talkign about them migth help?

Quote:

obsessive thoughts about food and calories running thru my head are driving me further into insanity and I cant find peace. I just want peace!!!!!

see hun, this is why you need to fight this ED> life is so much better without all your thoughts beign taken up by these types of thougths. they are also liekly to be contributing to you feeling suicidle, but suicide isnt the answer. you may htink you wont hurt anymore, but all the peopel you leave behind will probably never find peace again. and you can get peace hunni, i promise, if you fight this ED. im not suggesting doign it on your own, but ask somebody fro help and support. maybe your parents? a close freind? you dotn have to fight this alone.

PM me anytime ok?

liz

cutupangel09 · 11-01-2008, 12:39 AM

Aww..hun if you are having serious suicidal thoughts you need to talk to someone, your counselor. Honesty is the only way someone can fully try to understand and help you. 400 calories is highly restrictive and is starving your body to the point it is eating away at muscle most likely. Try to stay safe. Stay Strong

Starz* · 11-01-2008, 11:15 PM

Hugs

i too hate to throw/waste food and having xmas food around made me very anxious. i ended up binging til it was all gone and have felt so so depressed and down since then because i put 1/2 a stone on.
i dont know what to suggest to you, i just know how awful i feel. my mind is more screwed and obsessed now than it was before.
i hope you feel better soon x