I'm tired - Page 2

Elmer · 03-05-2023, 09:07 PM

I wish I had some profound wisdom to share but I don't. All I have is that things can and will get better. And I know you're taking steps to get there even though you feel like you aren't.

Moonlight Princess · 03-05-2023, 10:04 PM

Thanks y'all. Jenna I just think I need to focus on working towards moving out now. For a lot of reasons it feels suffocating to live with my mum now.

Lio you gave me so much wisdom in my WhatsApp message so you have nothing to worry about on that score :)

Elmer · 06-05-2023, 01:46 PM

I've already said it but I'm so proud of you for taking the steps you're taking. I know you feel rubbish at the moment but it's gonna get better.

Unbreakable. · 06-05-2023, 03:03 PM

I really hope that you can move out soon. I think it will do a lot for your wellbeing and hopefully also for your relationship with your mum.

Sending lots of love <3

Pi.R^2 · 06-05-2023, 04:51 PM

What they said! I know it'll be a big step but I think it's a really good one and we'll help you in any way we can to make it happen :)

Moonlight Princess · 07-05-2023, 08:20 PM

Love you all <3

Moonlight Princess · 08-05-2023, 07:27 PM

The wheelchair accessible housing association is asking for identity documents for all of us in the house so I have to ask my family for their ID documents but I'm trying to move out without them. It feels like lying?

Pi.R^2 · 08-05-2023, 08:28 PM

Do your family know that you’re looking and does the association know that your family aren’t coming with you?

Moonlight Princess · 08-05-2023, 08:41 PM

The association know but my mum doesn't. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that conversation. She'll point out all the ways I won't be able to do this and I'll believe her and chicken out. This is the scariest thing I've ever done.

Auror. · 08-05-2023, 09:23 PM

Moving out on our own was absolutely one of the scariest things we ever did. But it also was one of the best things we ever did. We didn't tell my mother until after a lease had been signed and we had keys. That way it wasn't that we were asking her, it was telling her. So there was no conversation involved because it was simply, hello this is happening. Unsure if that is any use but sending so many good vibes your way.

Moonlight Princess · 08-05-2023, 09:55 PM

Thanks Camden and it's really wonderful that you had the courage to make that decision and that it was so worth it for you. Your post really resonates with me and you've put into words a lot of what I feel so thank you. I hope it can get to the stage where I can just get to the stage where I have a place and just say I'm moving. I would like to do it like that. I sometimes get scared and overwhelmed by the path to get there but your post is reminding me that I have the right to independence if I want it.

Auror. · 09-05-2023, 02:11 AM

moving is one of the hardest, most stressful things a human can do, period. even for able bodied and/or non mentally ill humans. so even considering it and trying to take steps to make it happen shows just how brave you really are. if you can make it through the process you will definitely be able to make it on your own.

Moonlight Princess · 11-05-2023, 10:07 PM

My mother explained that I can't expect to automatically know how to do things and that I need to ask her about what I'm doing so she can teach me. Sometimes I feel like my brain shuts down when she's around though and sometimes my longing for my own space is so acute it feels like I'm being burnt. Am I wrong in wanting to move out though? She makes a valid point.

Pi.R^2 · 11-05-2023, 10:14 PM

You're not wrong at all. As you said above, you absolutely deserve your independence.

I'm not sure what your mum means tbh? Like yeah there's things that you don't automatically know how to do but you don't have to ask one specific person how to do it. For example our boiler is a troll and we didn't know how to repressurise it or whatever but google does!! Then ours has the added complication of being incorrectly installed so we had to Call An Employee to help but that doesn't mean we should immediately move back in with our parents!

Living independently is hard at times but totally achievable and in many cases desirable. Please don't let her dent your confidence. You can do this.

Did you sort things with the association? It seems weird to me that they need your family's ID anyway!

Unbreakable. · 11-05-2023, 11:00 PM

Tell your mum you might never learn if you don't move out.
Is it an option at all to gently suggest she get some counselling as I imagine having been your carer for several decades and being used to you depending on her for certain things might make the prospect of losing that part of her identity a bit daunting? But that is not on you to navigate, that is on her.

Have you had a look around Google to see if you can find advice from people in a similar situation? There are probably a lot of people out there who have had different types of struggles with parents not wanting them to move out. Maybe there is advice out there on how people deal with their parents reacting poorly and being so discouraging of independence.

Moving out and relying more on yourself must be super effing scary but also exciting.
I shall refer you back to the metaphor of you getting up those darned stairs for whatever musical it was - was it fun? Not really. Did it probably hurt some? I imagine so. Was it a slow process that took ages? Most definitely. Did you absolutely enjoy the living fuck out of seeing that show with your friends and are now left with enjoyable memories and a great anecdote? Hell yes.

If the British Library can't stop you from getting your train I don't think your mum has the power to stop you from moving out and learning how to live your own life the way you want to.

Unbreakable. · 11-05-2023, 11:03 PM

And you didn't need your mum to manage either of those adventures.

Pi.R^2 · 11-05-2023, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unbreakable.

If the British Library can't stop you from getting your train I don't think your mum has the power to stop you from moving out and learning how to live your own life the way you want to.

Oh my god so much this!!!!

Elmer · 11-05-2023, 11:26 PM

^ all of those things that they said

Moonlight Princess · 25-05-2023, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pi.R^2

Did you sort things with the association? It seems weird to me that they need your family's ID anyway!

Thank you lovely Jenkins, everything you said makes so much sense. Of course people don't move back in with their parents the second they don't know how to do a thing. I think partly it's that dynamic (that I need mothership's help the second things go wrong) that is holding me back somewhat.

I'm still needing some evidence but I'm speaking with someone from the CMHT tomorrow. I could still contact Occupational Therapy but I'm giving myself a little break today as I have done some fairly decent things re housing

Quote:

I didn't mean to delete everything there! I know we spoke a bit about this yesterday but yeah we have had the family counselling conversation a LOT and mothership is dead against it and doesn't see any value in it. That might change should me moving out happen but I think it's a non-starter at the moment.

Looking for other peoples' similar experiences is a super idea thank you :)

I love you lots and can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elmer

^ all of those things that they said

I love you lots too and can't wait to see you soon too!

Thank you all for believing in me and helping feel strong enough to do this when I don't feel that way sometimes.

Sorry if I get a bit lax with this thread but I read it even though it might take me a while to reply, and everybody's words mean so much to me.

MunchBox · 26-05-2023, 09:05 PM

You're legit amazing, Kiran.
I believe that you can gain your independence, you'll learn as you go, I did. Forgive me if I'm wrong as I don't know your dynamic with your mother but asking her for help doesn't have to mean anything dire than just asking for help, I hope she would see that it doesn't automatically mean u can't live own because everyone deserves a little help to find their footing or wheels.

Does that make sense??
Love u always, u got this.