That's brilliant! That sounds like a fantastic compromise. How do you feel about the development? I think your mum's faith in you speaks volumes for how far you've come and how hard you've fought. Definitely seems like good news! Screw your step dad, he's not the special guardian! Long as he writes the letter then *thumbs up*
I feel quite good about the development, obviously I would rather have Jasmine at home with me, but this is the next best thing.
I wouldn't be able to have Jasmine at home with me with my recent mental issues. Because they have to do everything within a certain time frame (which was actually March, but I was doing well back then so they decided to wait until I broke down)
The lady who wrote the ridiculous assessment actually apologised to my mum for the report and contact being reduced, she didn't realise her report would have such an impact.
My ear hurts quite a bit, and it's gone all scabby and horrible and I can't even see it because it's at the top behind my ear!
I did actually tell the crisis team about trying to rip my ear off, but didn't say why. (they are going to find out sooner or later)
His response was just 'oh, were you trying to go all Vincent van Gogh?' and then started a conversation about painting!
So, not really sure about that response!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm pretty confident that my mums assessment will go well. It's a good home to grow up in, and all of us kids (apart from me) turned out ok!
Would be kinda awkward if the assessment was bad and took away my youngest 2 siblings though :/
That won't happen, but it's just a thought!
Yeah, it's like my mum would be adopting her, but I trust my mum to let me see her and stay over and stuff, and also to ask me about any decisions to be made or doctors appointments or anything, because she would. She is just doing this so Jasmine can be with her family and hopefully come to live with me when I've been stable for a good amount of time.
Awkwardly, it hurts too much to pick at it! :/
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I hope things will work out the way you want them to. It sounds like a good idea and hopefully it will reduce the stress you're going through. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Beckie I shall keep my fingers crossed for you and Jasmine!
It really made me smile reading about it <3
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Jasmine, I'm actually not doing too well. The spirits/others woke me up because they were shouting (at each other I think?)
I don't see why they couldn't go somewhere else to argue, but why go somewhere else when they could torture me too I suppose.
I'm really sick of it, I had such good news about my mum going for the special guardianship order yesterday, but I suppose they are just reminding me that they are still there and they always will be there. They aren't going to go away.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Feeling a bit better. I've got some stuff done and done quite a bit of my essay.
I've got my EEG tomorrow :/
Fun times. Got to go to a hospital in a really difficult place to get to (luckily my mum has agreed to take me!) And then sit there for an hour with electrodes stuck on my head.
This raises concerns for soooo many reasons.....
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
BECKIE! I am ridiculously excited, like absolutely ridiculously so! Your mum having Jasmine is the perfect solution at the moment as you are not well enough at the moment however you would still be able to have her when you are well enough. I am massively excited for you!
With regards to all the mental shit going on, its sooooo important that you speak to your Crisis Team about it all and if talking about stuff isn't an option, then write it down, on paper or in a text message and get them to read it. You have every reason to get better now, you might get Jasmine back fulltime in the future and if you don't, you will still be a massive part of her life. Work with the Crisis Team and if they suggest hosp, try and think about it as a positive to help you get back on track as long as they will allow you to continue with contact. They might be able to help you get stable on your meds.
I had a thought re your meds- can you keep them in your bag all the time and I can text you at 10am and 10pm every day for a while to get you to take them?
Use the PRN meds appropriately and perhaps discuss with the CT how many you have and see if maybe they can keep on record that if they think you are bad they can suggest PRN? Also, could you speak to them about getting something to help you sleep? Just short term to try and make sleeping a bit easier!
I can't believe your stepdad, I would say its a massive step forward for him in agreeing to write the letter and not being totally against your mum having Jasmine.
The EEG will hopefully help with diagnosis of exactly what your fits are caused by, just focus on that and the fact you need to know so you and be treated be there for Jasmine!
Glad your mum is taking you, it will be fine!!! Look through pics of Jasmine wile its being done so you focus on something nice!
I do speak to the CT when they are here, they saw me earlier and it was a bit weird. Yesterday I told them about the whole 'trying to rip my ear off' thing and he just made jokes about it. Although I'm glad that he didn't make me talk about it, it seemed a little inappropriate as at the time, I was very very distressed :/
I'm nearly out of meds, so got to go to the hospital tomorrow to pick more up. Kind of annoying because I've got my EEG at a totally different hospital tomorrow, why only one hospital in Hertfordshire does them I have no idea, I imagine they are quite a common test to do?
They are going to ask the doctor about PRN, but they never give me that much because OD history.
My step dad seems to be coming round, he just doesn't want to be the reason that Jasmine gets adopted by strangers and can't be with her family. They won't have to assess him because it's my mums 'thing' and he works 13+ hour days so they would never get hold of him.
In a way, I'm kind of hoping they will misquote him in any reports they write about him, because he's a lawyer and would probably take them to court or something, although it's a pretty adolescent view to have, I really don't want them to get away with being able to misquote people like they do.
I'm not sure if I'll be allowed to do anything during the EEG! because they'll be trying to induce seizures and stuff. It is not gonna be fun.
love you Claire!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Oh Beckie! I am all kinds of happy!!! This is such wonderful amazing brilliant news!!! It's so unlikely they'd turn your mum down! They'll usually quite quickly cart kids off to grandparents if parents can't have them... they tend not to be as strict and picky as with the parents. AHH! Such fabulous news!!!!
Keep up the good work hon. I really hope your appointments go well tomorrow, thinking of you x
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