Contains sexual abuse - Evil

[Epicene]

I'm struggling a lot atm and I'm very triggered
A friend told me they recently reported an incident that happened to them some years ago
I never reported anything that happened to me
I'm evil
I know others were hurt because of me
I want to kill myself

[Uglyducklin]

I'm sorry I'm low on words but thinking of you xx

[Pi.R^2]

Others were hurt because of the people who hurt them, not because of you. The responsibility is never on you, the victim to prevent things. Would you be this harsh with anyone else who for whatever reason didn't report something bad that happened to them?

I'm sorry you're struggling and hope that you'll be able to logically challenge some of these feelings because you are definitely not evil in the slightest.

[whirlpools]

I absolutely agree with Jenna, you're not in the slightest bit evil and all the guilt should belong with the people who carried out this terrible abuse. Please be gentle with yourself, you don't deserve this misery.

[OmegaWolf86]

The blame is on the people who hurt you. I know its so easy to feel responsible when people hurt you especially if it was over a long period of time. I struggle with that every single day and its a big part of why im as messed up as I am. But you didn't do anything wrong. They made that decision to abuse you instead of care for you. You deserve so much better than what was given to you.

[Bellatrix]

I'm exactly the same position. I didn't excuse any of my abusers and the pedophile ring is probably still in operation. That's my fault.

So I just wanted you to know you're not alone. And you did what you had to do to survive. You are not evil in any way.

[Isoverity]

Evil people like being evil - that's what makes them evil. People who hate idea of being evil aren't evil. They just think they are because A) the evil from others can penetrate the psyche via shock. Once inside the psyche people mistake it for themselves (too close to see the trees etc). B) Even if people were evil, judging themselves and hating themselves for "being evil" is ego and creates guilt/conflict which is further mistaken for organic evil vs merely a mistake. Keep in mind judging people to be "good" is also judgement. The average Joe/Jane forgets that. People are allowed to "discern" good and evil coming from a person but declaring people (including self) "good" or "evil" is a guilt producer. Being addicted to judging is the source of a lot of problems and a reason people get cut off from bright side of the mind. People in this forum are overwhelmingly mostly victims.

[Buttons.]

I think Jack has some wise words.

I do understand where you are coming from and experience the guilt that my abuser might have gone on to hurt others because I dropped out of the court case and because I kept quiet for so many years before telling, but at the end of the day as others have said, it is the abuser's responsibility if they hurt somebody else, not yours. I just hope some day that you, and other victims myself somewhat included who struggle with this, can learn see that. Harder than it sounds I know.

[Charmed]

I agree with what everyone has said J lovely, you are absolutely not evil, you don't have an evil or bad bone in your body. You're one of the kindest and most caring people I have ever met. It wasn't your fault, nor is it your fault that you never reported it. What they did to you was evil, they are evil, not you.

As others have said, what would you say to someone else who is in the same position? I also never reported anything and can understand exactly how you're feeling, but I would never think you're a bad person, what would you say to me or someone in your position?

You need to look out for yourself first. If you're not well, you cannot help others or even think about reporting anything. You should be your number one priority, the majority of people don't report anything because it's too hard and too traumatic to go through it again. It doesn't make them bad people.

Sorry this wasn't overly helpful, but I'm thinking o you and I'm here whenever you need me <3 you're amazing and I hope you see that soon xxx

[Alysskea]

Others were not hurt 'because of you'.
You did not hurt them.
Reporting can be a painful and dangerous process, and it's okay to put yourself first.
Sending hugs.

[Aardbei]

I am closing this thread due to the age.