i wish he would understand but he doesnt.
all i want is to just crawl away into some dark corner.
i miss him.
please dont let this turn into something its not i can only give you everything ive got i cant be as sorry as you think i should but i still love you more than anyone else could. all this feels strange and untrue and i won't waste a minute without you my bones ache my skin feels cold and im getting so tired and so old the anger swells in my guts and i wont feel these slices and cuts. paigeybaby. <3
i can't believe i actually thought that you cared. i hate this, i can't just except you stopped caring, i still cling to you or more like what i thought you were, and i hate myself for that. and i hate myself for not hating you.
I know that I should hate him. As angry as a person that I can be, I just simply love him to much to hate him. And I want him to realize this I want him to realize that I love him more than myself and I know that he doesn't care. I know he doesn't. But something inside of me keeps saying.. try one more time.. I'm scared that he's not coming back.
Everyday they go to sleep hoping that when they wake up it'll be different... and everyday they wake up to see that hope is not there...
I called someone a bad word today. I'm not like that but i couldn't help it.
He's my neighbour too. He throws boulders at me yet i say one word & im gunna get into shit.
so fucking pissed >;l
for those few hours were the happiest in my life.
it's all my fault you're gone.
In physio psych the other day we talked about poisons
...And their dosages.. the amounts needed to kill.
Oh if only he knew what kind of information he was really giving one of his students --a very clear way to end their life.
And that student is me.
"You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." -Brene Brown
Location: A Dark Place Somewhere North Of The Border
I am currently:
I have a few secrets dont know if i can post them all at once or not but im going to anyways
1. I hurt myself to stop what THEY did hurting me
2. I'm just an act I never show my true self I'm too scared of what people will think of me becasue I'm just a **** up
3. People always leave me eventually.
4. I still love my ex boyf. I want him to come back to me.
5. I want to never feel any emotion ever again
6. I want to die but am too scared to try again
+ no matter how many times she tells me her suicide attempt isn't my fault I'm still beating myself up because I know in my heart that it is my fault.
+ I love her too fucking much to ever let her hurt herself over me again
+ I want to show her that I'm sorry for her doing that with all my fucking heart...but I don't know how and the only thing I can think of to do will end up in a hospital trip.
+ no one knows EXACTLY how fucked up I am now that I've hit rock bottom
+ I'm scared to death of losing her over something that I said/did because of my paranoia in relationships
+ I can't help that I'm always paranoid and I wish she could see that.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
I'm so fooking scared I'm going to hurt her. I never, ever would. But I'm so scared that I'm going to do something and she's going to be hurt.
Oh, and on a less serious note, just to cheer myself up, Anthea Turner rocks my socks. Which admittedly is pretty shameful, but I'm rather glad she did the Madonna style photo shoot XD
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Location: A Dark Place Somewhere North Of The Border
I am currently:
i need someone, someone i dont have to help me get through this stupid shitty time why is it that people so called friends seem to want to screw my life up i hate this i know i have trust issues but its as if people wait till i trust them and then hurt me i need someone to hold me close realise the pain ive got inside and stop this hurting so much
+ I'm drinking to get drunk and I REALLY shouldn't be
+ I'm gunna have a fucking hang-over tomorow...at school...great
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
+ I can't get the images of him and what he did to me out of me head
+ I told my g/f I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I do things with her because of the sexual abuse I've suffered in the past
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
i can't believe i actually thought that you cared. i hate this, i can't just except you stopped caring, i still cling to you or more like what i thought you were, and i hate myself for that. and i hate myself for not hating you. 
