I couldnt tell you that I honestly do not know how much longer I can keep fighting for. I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I dont know how much more my body can take, how much more I can take. Right now I am seriously thinking about writing L a letter and just I dont know...
T wasnt convinced I was great last friday which I was quite suprised with because she doesnt even know half of what I am struggling through...
I have not done my online work for weeks now and that was my life for so long!!! I feel I have nothing left in me to fight anymore!!!!
And I cant even write the biggest bit that I needed to tell you cuz I just know if I write it then friends will know and they cant... not all of it
I feel lost, lonely and ashamed.
sorry. sorry. sorry.
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
When M and S prayed over me, and spoke in tongues to remove my "curse" as they called it, what if it didn't work? What if I'm still cursed? Maybe I am...it would explain a lot, I probably am...hmm
Oh right i get it, so when you were feeling low I asked how you were, talked to you and tried to make you feel better and now when i feel down, you don't even bother to fucking talk to me! Thanks a lot. Next time i just wont bother.
I need you guys so fuckin much! everything is turning/has been turning to shit n now iv lost every last bit of hope for myself. i just cant do it anymore, i wanna be with u guys.
mum, fuck i miss u so bad, 12 years without you its been hell. ive never stopped thinkin about u, but i cant remember wot u look like anymore, n i cant remember your voice, not even the way u smelt. but i do remember how safe i used to feel in ur arms, how every day u smiled even through all the shit we were goin thru. ive been hatin all this mum talk recently, no one knows how fuckin lucky they are to even buy their mum a card n to actually give it to her, or to even hear her voice. but yeah... happy mothers day.
n i miss u too lisa, ur cheeky lil smile and bossin me around, winding the ""bad man" up with calling me dad instead of him, made me feel 10 times bigger then him. u would of done great things with ur life, so straight headed at such a young age, and mouthy =P. but im glad u kept ya big brother in check =) i love u so much
I know i dont really talk about u much anymore, n try not to think about u either, not because i dont love u or i love u any less, but it kills me to think of the shit u went thru in such a short time. i dont think anyone could ever understand how much i love u,you were my own flesh n blood. and in the short amount of time we got to be together was indescribable. i was young n didnt know wot the fuck i was doing but u understood and just loved me for me, even in my dumb moments. i still look at the empty spaces beside me sometimes knowing u should still be there, well ud be much bigger, but hoping ud still want the cuddles =). i was so proud to call u my son, n i always will be. i could never forget u. ill always be your daddy
I come to you old friend with a dull clarity of the dead not to beckon you but to feel the fire and intensity that still live in you... and the heavy weight of your burdens which I had once borne. There is truth you know, friend, if that's all you seek, but there's no justice or judgment without which truth is a vast... dead... hollow.
Go back. Do not look into the abyss or let the abyss look into you; awaken the sleep of reason and fight the monsters within and without.
Sometimes I worry about the things I do when I can't say no... It'll probably all be fine, fantastic even, but right now I'm wondering if I was right just to agree to that.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
