I'm not fine. Hurry up and notice whilst I'm still alive.
~~
Please give me a cuddle.
~~
I love you so much. Please remember that. If you give up on me I don't know how I'd cope. But if giving up on me is the only way you can cope, then I beg you to walk away and never look back.
I don't feel safe, at all. But I'm not going to wake you up just to tell you that. I'll just deal with it my own way. It seems as though everywhere is quiet today, except my fucking brain.
I am losing weight again, and the kick it gives me makes me feel alive. I dont want to stop. I have my first appointment with the dietition ont he 28th and i want to lose as much weight as possible before then so that they take me seriously. I am angry that someone who developed anorexia in our first year of uni has been refered to costwald house. I hsould be happy she is getting help but isntead I am upset and annoyed because she's been ill for a year, yet because she is emaciated she is being refered to an IP place. I have been ill for 11/12 years and I iwll never be put IP becuase I am fat.
"I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell." -Picasso
"No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war." - Picasso
'I have scars becuase I have a past; but they, like my past, do not define my future'
I shouldn't of done it, but I did - many times today.
I really don't care anymore, nothing matters.
I've wasted your time, I've failed you and everyone else.
I don't deserve anything but pain. I have seriously fucked up my life.
Sorry.
why cant i hate you, why cant i hate all of you?
i try so hard to hate you all, but i only hate myself.
i let you all hurt me and then i hurt myself.
i feel sick when i look at myself, but i feel nothing when i look at you.
im angry at myself and not you. why? what is wrong with me?
WHY CANT I HATE YOU ALL?
Thank you so much for being the only person in this uni I have met so far who isn't fake, bitchy or ridiculously dramatic.
Its a relief to know I can knock on your door feeling lonely and s*** and I'll always be welcome to pop in for a smoke and a very long chat about... Well everything.
If it wasn't for you I'd have probably dropped out by now. Seriously.
I just hope we don't lose touch next year.
I'm honestly not sure I can get through this without cutting.
I am not a self harmer anymore, and I used to be proud to say it. I am proud to say it. But now...anxiety is strong and I can't breathe and it hurts hurts hurts. Like somethings eating me from the inside and even if I reached inside me and took things out it wouldn't be enough to stop it snaking up my chest and into my throat. Choking me. Smothering me.
I'm going to try pacing, try moving see if it helps. But I know it won't make things go away..and I'm starting to think like a self harmer again. I know that it would make me sane again. Even if only for a little while. But I'd take even a little while. I'm starting to worry what I'll do to myself if I keep feeling like this.
But if I give in, what will that make me?
I will get there. Someday
When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
I gave everything to you.
And you betrayed me. Just like everyone else.
I'm done.
I'm honestly not sure I can get through this without cutting.
I am not a self harmer anymore, and I used to be proud to say it. I am proud to say it. But now...anxiety is strong and I can't breathe and it hurts hurts hurts. Like somethings eating me from the inside and even if I reached inside me and took things out it wouldn't be enough to stop it snaking up my chest and into my throat. Choking me. Smothering me.
I'm going to try pacing, try moving see if it helps. But I know it won't make things go away..and I'm starting to think like a self harmer again. I know that it would make me sane again. Even if only for a little while. But I'd take even a little while. I'm starting to worry what I'll do to myself if I keep feeling like this.
But if I give in, what will that make me?
I will get there. Someday
When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
I gave everything to you.
And you betrayed me. Just like everyone else.
I'm done.
I cleaned your house, did your laundry, washed the floors and cooked dinner nearly every day that I was here hoping if I was good enough you would love me enough to keep me around...
I leave tomorrow and it breaks my heart.
(I know you told me you aren't going anywhere but I can't help but to still be sad.)
Angels are friends who supportyou when your wings forget tofly.
I don't really know you... well i should say i dont know you at all but it sounds as if your confused or lost i shall say. i think you should take some time to breathe and not think about other people ya know? its okay to think about yourself sometimes.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
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Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
