Really? Do you really think that I'm OK with it? I guess it's nice to know that if I ever need to lie to you, then I really don't need to try, because you just believe anything.
I love you, but I wish you understood me. Just a little bit.
i am actually sick to fucking death of you. i really am. i thought we could get past all this shit after the conversation the other night. or at least, i did until you started ranting about me in the staff forum :/.
thanks for that, thanks a lot. yeah, i can appreciate you're upset, jealous and all that, but i said i understood, didn't blame you, and that i'd feel the same way in your shoes. i don't remember saying "feel free to go and bitch about me to all your moderator friends".
you're a lying little attention whore anyway. crying about how bad your life is and you want to die like you're the only one with problems. pretty sure you're not, honey. you lost any sense of sympathy when you started talking about flinging yourself off a fucking bridge, scaring z and me to our wits' end, and then showing us pictures of the fucking bridge the next day like nothing happened, going all 'oooh isn't it pretty?' sick sick sick sick to death of you.
what the fuck have we done this time, hey? at least i had an excuse when i went into hiding, but now i find out - from j of all people?! - that you just "want a break from people"...who the fuck else is that going to be? it's blatantly z and me. so come on, the shit did we do this time?
was it because we never posted on your attention whoring statuses, throwing as many compliments as we could at you? was it because i put freaking song lyrics in my own status and you figured it was aimed towards z? what the fuck ever man, i just don't care any more.
you're pathetic, childish, and i don't think there's a way back any more. you said you wanted things to go back to how they were, and i agreed [or at least, as close to how they were as possible, given how z and me are dating now]. yeah, not any more.
It's alright... contribute to how unimportant I am and how my feelings aren't important either. I have put up with it for so many years. I'm pretty sure another couple of comments won't make a difference. *goes and cries*
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
Leave me alone.
Im typing it in here because heres another place you wont look at.
You make me sick, and stop texting me on my fucking birthday.
I truly hate people like you.
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
This time it's too far. I did wrong and I promise I get that, but mistakes are made to be learned from and I have been made so much more sure of myself because of them. I'm here at the finish line except you're not waiting for me. After the mental torture I've put myself through and forcing my heart to feel ways that it doesn't all for you. You can do well alone, you've done it up until now and you'll get used to sleeping without me once more and not being awoken at ridiculous o'clock. But what about me? Why put me through the better part of a year and just leave? You did it, you got me, and whether you deserve me or are good enough for me or anything else all the haters say... Doesn't matter. You have done this at the worst possible time between Andy, college, Pieta, my birthday, Christmas, the apartment... And they're only the things you know of.
I feel alone, and somewhat helpless.
I still think of her pretty much everyday.
I just needed a few things to go my way, in order to gain the courage to speak to her, and to tell her how I felt about her.
But only more things to be ashamed about occurred.
I don't know why that happened, but I guess I should just accept that she is gone, and that I am truly alone.
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
I'd rather hate you than hurt because I care. I'm tired of being used. Stop making everything about you. It just isn't. And everytime you do, I hate you more.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
...I think you're a spineless fucking coward. Your past can't be bad enough to run from. Honestly, I think you're just a slut. You don't want to commit to any one girl, so you hide from it all. Maybe your ex was too good for you. I really am starting to think you are just a stupid pile of slime.
Hey Ben? Guess what? I've fucked up my life in MORE WAYS than you could ever imagine. Let's see:
1. I've been raped and molested multiple times
2. I've cut myself
3. I've attempted suicide several times
4. I'm a drug addict
5. I've drunk to the point of vomitting several times.
6. I've fucked strangers (some for money)
7. I've destoryed everything I've touched
GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. YOU. ARE. NOT. THAT. COMPLEX. There is nothing super special about your angst. You're 24 fucking years old, bro. You're a god damn mormon. You spent the last 2 years of your fucking life on your mission. You think you fucked your life up badly enough in 22 years that no one could love you? Shut up. I think that's a fucking cop out.
I know this sounds harsh. But, I'm angry. I love you. I think you're a great guy. You're someone I'd gladly consider family. But, I think you're an idiot who is making a lot of fantastic mistakes. And, if I find out that you're dating around and "sorting" just to get your dick wet...I swear to God I will disown you.
How do I tell you that I live in constant fear of losing you, when you feel like it won't happen to you and that you are superior to everyone else, and will be ok?
You're not.
And if I lose you..... I don't even know what would happen, but it wouldn't be good.
Josie said to me after she met you, that you seem fragile. That frightened me. Because it's true, and I think you do too. I don't want to tell you that because I'm sure you WANT to be fragile. In your mind that would mean you are doing it right. So there's no point in using that word with you. I just want you to know it scared me. Badly.
I understand because, as fucked up as this is, I'd actually like to be "fragile" myself. And of course nothing bad would ever happen to me.
But I'm not letting myself get dragged into it just yet. Because I'm am too scared for you, and I refuse to trigger you with my issues.
Please... try to get better? I can't lose you.
I would die.
Last edited by summer87 : 21-12-2010 at 10:49 AM.
Reason: punctuation
freedom is like religion to us
justice is juxtaposition in us...
we sing,
our music is the cuts
that we bleed through...
-common-
I finally opened up to you and this is what you give me? "Think positive"?! How can you say that to me? Can't you remember what that used to feel like? I thought at least you would understand this
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
You know the real reason i haven't sent those emails bitch? Do you? Guess what, I don't want to do those interviews. Just because you think they are important doesn't make me see their importance. To be honest, the more you bitch about them the less likely i am going to do them. So how about you shout the **** up and let me run my own life. You went to uni and grad school. Thats nice. Let me go the way I want to. Talking on the phone is scary and feels like a waste of energy. You can go to hell.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Person 1: I still love you....I would give anything to have you back
Person 2: I don't love you anymore. Quit guilting me and trying to get me to stay with you by saying you'll kill yourself without me. I'm sick of your shit.
Person 3: If you talk about killing yourself all the time, and don't care what anyone things, and don't care to get better, and say nothing will stop you, JUST GET IT OVER WITH!
