I havent wanted to cut as badly as I do right now. You just tried to delve into a topic I'm not comfortable with.... Like... Really? You're telling me I need help? Telling me I cut for attention?! I'm not flaunting my cuts and scars and shit! YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no right to say what you are saying. I know I need help. I'm fucked up. I understand this... Just.... Stop. Okay? Stop. And then you go off and make me seem like the bad guy in this situation. Like all of this is my fucking fault! Really? You really want to fucking do that?
Wow. Thanks.
Can't imagine how you would react if you knew about my anorexia and my pill popping problem..... Fuck you.
"I let my guard down, and you caught me by surprise" Sonic Syndicate
add me if you want. just let me know you're from RYL.
If closure is what you want that’s fine. But please give me the chance to have closer too. That’s all I’m asking for. Give me fifteen minutes (any time you pick – even if it’s 4am my time), to chat to you and try to figure out what the hell happened. Because I’m lost right now and I can’t go on like this. I need some kind of answer that makes even the slightest amount of sense before I can let this go.
why am i doing this?
Maybe its because im a dick
Maybe its because im drunk
Or just maybe its because i love you so much and i cant stand that you're with someone else, it kills everyday and occassionally i let it show.
You're happy and i'm sorry
But what am i supposed to do when i feel like my whole world is crashing down?
You're such a snob! Why don't you rub it in some more how AMAZINGLY successful you are at your new job. Everybody loves you, the kids are excelling and changing dramatically in a good way, everything is runing smoothly, you're getting more and more authority, and bla bla bla. T! You are RiDIculous! Then to go and say how old things must be getting for me and to also imply that I have no friends here. What the heck? You don't even know a thing about my life, especially not over here. I kind of hate you.
"You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." -Brene Brown
hm i think, i dont think i knoe, everyone hates, maybe i hate me to, i try, il always just be me, but maybe that's just not good enough. maybe i should just learn the hard way life is not a joke, stop thinking every thing can be fixed by laughter and humour.. grow up doe.. just grow up.
Laughter is a direct route to the soul. It broadens your perspective, keeps you healthy, and makes an unbearable situation alot easier to deal with.
you hurt me so badly.
it kills me that you will never know what you did to me.
so i will move on like you want me to.
i will smile back at the guys that smiled at me tonight.
i will go out with the guys that ask me.
i will hang out with friends.
i will get more in shape than ever.
i will lose more weight than i have done.
i will become a writer like i always wanted.
i will travel the world and live in england for a year like i always wanted.
i will get married.
i will have kids.
i will love someone else too i'm sure.
i will lie when i say i'm over you.
i will lie to myself and say that the life i had planed with you wasn't all i ever wanted.
i will lie and say my trust came back.
i will do this for you.
so you can move on.
you already have.
you can have your friends at uni like you always wanted.
you can go to the pub and get drunk every day.
you can grab other girl's butts in pictures.
you can remove all your pictures of me on facebook.
you can be a nurse.
you can grow old with gabby.
you can do everything you couldn't being with me.
you can throw me away and pretend to yourself this is what i wanted.
we can go on living different lives and never speak to each other.
pretend this part of our lives never happened.
pretend we never were.
congratulations. you got everything you ever wanted. i was girl number 6. that's all i will be in your past.
I moved out because you knew dad was dad, and didn't protect us from him. You had too much faith in him. I admire your determination, but it wasn't healthy for Em or I. We are much better off. I am much better off. I love you and miss you, and all, but I am somehow happier than I have been in an awfully long time. I don't know what you were thinking, but I know that I don't think you're a bad mum, just a little too optimistic. I couldn't live there another day, and I'm sorry I hurt you to escape it. I just wish you would give me some air, and let me stand on my own for a little while...
This doesn't seem that bad, but it would break her heart if I tried to go completely.. I don't know what to do...
I miss you SO much. I miss being us. I miss having that friend, I miss nights spent talking about nothing. I miss shopping. I miss feeling pretty. I miss being able to share a bed with you. I miss walking down the street and everyone turning to look at you because you're gorgeous. I miss you cleaning my wounds and telling me it will be ok. I miss stupid sleepovers at your house. I miss having "that gorgeous friend of yours". I miss talking about bras.
I miss you coming to see me in the hospital. I miss your parents. I miss our little in jokes and words. I miss photoshoots. I miss situps. I miss your messy room. I miss swapping clothes. I miss jewellery.
I HATE you for abandoning me. Why did you leave when I needed you the most? I hate you for being best friends with my ex best friend. I hate that she will know EVERYTHING that I ever told you.
I hate that I've never been the same since you went. I hate that secretly i think I was in love with you. I hate that you're still beautiful and wonderful and you've moved on. I hate that I'm still stuck here, being ill. I hate that the house I spent so much time in has been knocked down, like I don't exist anymore. That you ignored me as soon as you got back with him. That I was second to boys; but it wasn't always like that.
But I don't hate you. I will always miss you. I want to talk to you every single day. I want to send you that message. I miss you so bloody much Hx, and I'm so sorry for everything I did.
I still have every little thing you ever gave me, every card you sent me in hospital, those little things I had on my wall. Every piece of clothing.
I miss you.
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
I love you truly.
