If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
I really really really need help. I accept that now.
I needed help ten years ago.
Its time I got it.
Ive just gotta find the balls to go get that help.
R: I really hope youre not gonna adopt some sort of holier than thou attitude cause i really really fucking love you. dont hate me for things i enjoy.
B: I hope you understand i cant leave him for you. I dont want to lead you on but i do cherish your company
R: I know youre expecting me to give you the green light, but no. im really not happy with it. ta.
D: WAX YOUR EYEBROWS WOMAN.
I am very opinionated. I don't care if you're my mate, and i don't care how many problems you have. I will be blunt. (E)(A)
R.I.P Pingu Only Anarchists are Pretty I miss and love you so much
I feel completely responsible. But for what? For thinking this was going to happen? But how could I have prevented it? I still feel guilty. I love you and you can pull through. I feel selfish for injuring myself when you're the one with the real problems. Please stay here and stay hopeful x
i can't catch a break, can i? honestly, your opinion of it all makes me sick. you obviously don't know me very well, or trust me much at all if that's what you have to say. for fuck sake. fuck you
I'm scared. In my future, there is the diploma. And then nothing. Blank. Empty space. White Noise.
And I want to burn. I want to burn so badly. My arms, my tighs, my stomach, they're itching for some pain. I am strong, I am okay, I am good. I am fine, I can do this.
I don't want to. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to lie. I don't want to pretend. There is this old me, the me I used to be, cutting and with suicidal thoughts, and lying to everyone and hurting oh so much, and it's burried inside of me. But its clawing its way out now, along with the depression and hurt. I am scared that everything will be like it used to be- just so much worse. Ohne dich
I want to get away from here. I hate my home, but I'm scared of leaving school, of what to do next. Because I can't see anything happening.
Everyone thinks I am alright, and I can't tell them the truth. But I am so afraid. Because I know that this time, there won't be anyone to get me through.
I am so happy to have you guys. You are my contrast, my other life. With you around, I am normal, I am happy, I am okay. I laugh, and I joke, and I am strong.
You make me alive. I love you, all of you. And we all have our problems and our sob-stories, but somehow, when we're together, I feel like we make each other whole.
i wrote it out, an actual honest to fuck-me note. and it just goes to show how piss poor i've become. i have so many regrets, there's nothing i wouldn't not change. i'm just a lost thought in the back of someone's mind, trekking nowhere. i mean that's where i see it right now. i don't see my life getting anywhere, i don't see the improvement that i worked so hard to hold onto. all i see is a wasted education, bills, and a twenty year old living in the attic of someone elses home. how pathetic. so, alright yeah, i'm getting tired of this. and i'm getting so sick of your bullshit. you're constant, revolting, nail biting, hair splitting bullshit. just shut the fuck up already. and wait.. am i complaining about me now, or you? hm.. it's always about you, isn't it? lol. god even when im talking to myself, you somehow get in. honestly, fuck off already.
M- Please, please stop making me seem so much better than I am. Everyone will have high expectations and I'm struggling to meet them. Slow down, please... I wish you knew how terrible of a person I really am.
J- It was nice talking to you again. I can tell you're hurting even though you try not to show it. Don't worry, you don't need to be a rock on the outside. M told me you cried when you heard about what happened to A. Please take care of yourself.
M- I love you more than anything and I never want to lose you. I was up until 3 with the phone in my hand, wondering if i should call you or let go. But you said you need alone time, and I'll respect that. Please call me when you can. Or text. Or e-mail. Or anything, just let me know you're okay. I need to know you're okay.
J- I'm so sorry for everything that's happening to you and your family. I'm sending you a gift in the mail, because I can't be there to hug you. You're an incredible and strong person, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. I want to call you... but I'm too scared I won't know what to say. I'm sorry... I've never had to deal with this before.
J- Hypothetically asking me to prom does NOT help this crush. Please stop. I know I can't have you, you're too far away, so please stop entertaining the idea that we might somehow end up together. Although... prom with you would probably make my life... I wonder if you like me too.
That burn wasn't really from the pizza pan. you think i'm doing ok about you dumping me? you should see whats on my leg now that you don't want to see me undressed.
and as soon as you leave for work, im doing more.
I spent all night looking up the pills i have stashed, and their effects. you dont even come say goodnight now im in the other bedroom. i could be in a coma and you wont notice for a day and a half. thats right, a day and a half. thats how long you made no attempt to talk to me after i quickly turned and left the room so you wouldnt know i cried when you called me annoying for wanting a hug.
i love you i love you i love you and if im not good enough for you im not good enough to live. a life without you isnt one i can handle.
i wish i could tell you how i really feel, but then you would call me manipulative and kick me out. or commit me. or both.
i have to stay here as long as i can, the day you make me go is the day I die. if not sooner.
HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL ITS A FUCKING MASK! HOW COULD YOU BELIEVE ME THAT IT WAS THE PIZZA PAN?
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
my problems mean nothing compaired to what you're going through, you're so so much stronger then me.
my issues are petty compaired to what you have to deal with everyday and you're not ruining yourself to shreds and whatnot.
I'm so fucking selfish with my "pain" when you've got so much more then I do.
I'm so so sorry for putting this on you.
never again I can tell you that much.
I'll just shut up from now on.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
I've realized that you 2 are the cause of most of my problems... I go in ready to talk about me and end up spending 45 minutes talking about you.... what the hell??? And now I have to go out and pretend like every thing is fine??!!
Fuck you!!~
don't touch me...If you do I might shatter into a thousand pieces.
HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL ITS A FUCKING MASK! HOW COULD YOU BELIEVE ME THAT IT WAS THE PIZZA PAN?
