Grandad.
I miss you so much.
I was only six when you died, and it hurts to know how little I remember.
I used to make you laugh.
It hurts more to know I wouldn't make you laugh now. I haven't made you proud. But I will.
I love you.
lucy keep me safe.
i love you and miss you.
i wish it was me not you ded.
i love you.
never leave myside.
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Nearly Christmas Lau, wish you were here to celebrate with me. I think I'm going to try and find your grave on my own on saturday, I need to feel close to you. Will it still be like this in 40 years? Will I still be crying in my room on my own when ever any mentions sisters or twins? I don't think dad really cares about me anymore, he always puts that stupid woman first. Wonder if it would be the same if you were here. I know it would be easier for me anyway. I'm sorry I made it and you didn't, wish it was the other way around. Love you babes. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
and there she goes with her head in the clouds again, ignoring the drama and chasing her dreams. because to her, reality is a stranger.
Linz sweetheart I haven't stopped thinking about you since biology today. We watched a video about pregnant women who were having twins and it followed their development and everything and all I could think about was you. I was so close to crying but I'm not sure how I would of explained that. I miss you so much baby, I never got to know you but I feel like a huge part of me is missing because you aren't here. I'm sorry that I survived and you didn't I would do absolutely anything to change that. I wish you were here so much darling. I love you x
I won't be coming to see you this Christmas. I'm not ready yet. I was relying on having someone there and I need to be able to do it on my own, if needs be. It doesn't mean I don't still miss you, or want to say goodbye, it's just, I can't do it right now.
I think about you all the time. A lot recently. I regret that I didn't have the chance to get to know you as a person. To find out about Grandad. I don't even know his same, for christ's sake. I wish I could hear the stories about your life and what it was like.
I admire you, a lot. You were always there for me, and it's something I appreciate so much. You mean the world to me, and you will always be in my heart. To take a cliche line from the Lion King - "he lives in you".
I miss you so much nan iv been thinking of you so much its been four years five i think next april grandad talks about you so much. We all love you so much its not the same not seeing you at christmas all the time in fact. I wish you were here. I hope your ok up there. I wanna hug you but i cant you were such a lovely nan and a brilliant wife too. I know i didnt get upset much when you *left us* im sorry nan. Please forgive me. I wish i could talk to you now. I really need to. I do come to visit you but i cant come as much as id like, as i find it upsetting please understand. Please....... you went through alot for a year *a long illness* I hope that it doesnt upset you that i dont come to see you as much as id like to? Im sorry....
What can I say? That i still haven't accepted it? You wouldn't be impressed. I can picture your face now. I wonder what you'd be like now. What would've changed. Whether you'd still have that fab halfmullet hair cut you hated so much.. I got rid of all the pictures of you from my house at the time. I'm sorry. Maybe the image of you in my head is distorted now because I can't see you. Maybe i'm making it all up. But I don't think I am.
I want to apologise though. I never speak about you. I never want to think about you. Half the people in my life don't even know about you. And they won't, because I won't say it. It doesn't mean i've ever stopped thinking about you though. It doesn't mean I don't still cry about you. It doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt like hell. But we learn to cope don't we? We never forget, we just...cope.
It's hard to miss you now though. So much has changed. So much is different, would be different. It doesn't mean I don't miss you, it's just sometimes it's hard to imagine. Like..why do I miss you if the things I did with you, the person I was back then, is so different to the person I am now?
I wonder what you think about it all.
I'm still rambling. A skill I've never lost eh.
Take care of yourself. I won't forget. x
Last edited by Tears and Rain : 12-12-2007 at 11:40 AM.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
I miss u mum a lot I know it was a struggle and I am sorry.
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow!
Join Date: Sep 2007
I am currently:
got the tickets thru today............what am i meant to do now?? it ripped my heart out all over again!! i can't go, not without u!!
really why does it have to be so hard??? help me out!! i'm cummin soon
love ya
XxX
I always treasure the day i get to visit your grave, i guess it's kind of weird but i'd cancel all my plans to go. I did cancel my plans. You're more important. I miss you so much. Christmas just isn't the same anymore without you being here to tell stories and to just talk to.
I wish i could properly put down in words how i feel, i still cry over you, i still miss you, it still hurts like hell yet i wont let my family know, i wont let my family know i still mourn over you, everyone else just seems so strong yknow? I guess they might think i'm silly.
I still can't forgive myself for not visiting you in hospital but i thought it was just another routine thing, where you go in and come out again but you never came out and i was too much of a coward to get over my fear of hospitals to come see you. I never got to say goodbye and i regret it. I never got to see you one last time, never got to hold your hand one last time, never got to hear one last story. Nothing. I'm sorry if you felt like i abandoned you. I never meant it like that, i love you, i really do.
I'm just so worried about what you think of me now, i'm so worried that you would be ashamed of me. I'm gay, i self harm, i drink, i have a drug problem, i overdose. I don't want you to be ashamed of me. If you were here you'd have such good advice for me.
I don't even know what i'm trying to say.
I just love you so much and i miss you so much.
You'll forever be in my heart. You're my inspiration and my motivation.
I really really wish you were here.
I know things would be different now. I know we'd be different now. I know i'm different. What do you think? Did I change the parts that shouldn't be changed? Have I made mistakes I should never have made? Woul I still be a friend you'd want to have?
I disgust myself sometimes. I repulse myself so much that I want to tear every inch of flesh from my skin. And then, sometimes I think of you. And suddenly that's not what I want to do. I want to cry instead, I don't want to give up like you did. I was there, i've been there. But maybe sometimes there's a reason why you succeeded and I didn't. Maybe subconsciously I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Was it even what you wanted? Half way there did you stop and think, "y'know what I don't what this"? But did you think you'd be a coward to turn back? I'll never know. I don't know what you were thinking. Maybe at that point you'd stopped all thoughts. I don't ****ing know.
Sometimes i'm so angry at you. Sometimes i'm so upset I can hardly breathe. Sometimes it's the guilt that consumes me. What more could I have done? Anything? Feel free to let me know some time. But then again you can't. And you never will.
You broke your promise. I'll never break mine.
I really miss you right now.
I forgave you. But I can't forgive myself. Not yet.
I hope you understand. x
Last edited by Tears and Rain : 17-12-2007 at 08:51 AM.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
Daniel it's the senior dance tomorrow night, my god is it going to be hard. All of us are going to be thinking about you boy, we're going to have a little moment for you inbetween the dinner and the dance, your guys are going to talk abit about you and we are going to have you there with us. I hope you're alright wherever your are Burg, we miss you so much , it's never going to be the same without you. Gonna miss seeing your dance moves that got everyone smiling. x
I'm sorry that nobody saw what you were going through until it was too late. I'm sorry that none of us could help you. I'm sorry that you weren't happy. I hope you are happier now.
You wanna know a secret? I used to think about jumping off that bridge like you did. But now, because of what you did and how it has affected everyone, I will think twice the next time I am suicidal. You may have saved my life by taking your own.
I will never forget you Emily.
Laura
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa
Louise, sweetheart, I hope you have a good day tomorrow, wherever you may be. I tell Jake that he can talk to you whenever he feels alone, or whatever, and that you'll always be watching over him. Please, sweetheart, watch over him. I'm doing the best I can down here, but I'm not his mum. He's lost his mum, and suffered such awful things from his dad, he's such a fighter, but at the same time I wonder if he's just too young to know what's going on.
I promised you I'd look after him, sweetheart, when I became his godmother, and I'm trying, I really am, I'm supporting him the best that I can, and yet I'm struggling with myself right now. I'm going to get the help that I need after Christmas, sweetheart, because he needs me and I'm not going to let him down, yet I can't help but wonder if that's not why you went and tried to get the help that you did, the help that ended up being your downfall.
Enough of the news now though, sweetheart. I want you to know just how much I miss you at this time of year especially. At least you've got grandad to keep you company up there now, sweetheart. I love you both eternally, and maybe one day I'll be able to see you both again.
Have a good one for me.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
you were such a lovely nan and a brilliant wife too. I know i didnt get upset much when you *left us* im sorry nan. Please forgive me. I wish i could talk to you now. I really need to. I do come to visit you but i cant come as much as id like, as i find it upsetting please understand. Please....... you went through alot for a year *a long illness* I hope that it doesnt upset you that i dont come to see you as much as id like to? Im sorry.... 
