I'm getting there. Very slowely I'm getting there. New Jeans today...My legs still look fat though.
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
I can't deal with it, okay? I can't deal with knowing that next year, she will be here and I won't, okay? So just cut me some slack, it's hard, y'know?
youdontloveme.
I never told you what I feel, so how dare I be annoyed?
But now I want to punish you, and myself(mainly myself)
Its back to self destruction in every possible way.
fuckyou, But mostly, I fucking hate me.
"im happy that we got over the hostility b/c really its cool just talking to you."
can I have that in writing?
in your blood so that I know you mean it?
have you really grown up or are you doing this because you know that I'll be gone soon?
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
I'm desensitized to death. I figure if someone dies they did something to deserve it. Sometimes I'll even laugh. I'm sick. Someone should, no, someone NEEDS to shoot me. I need to die. Nothing good can come of me. Someone whos laughs to themself about somebody getting shot to death in a school shooting needs to die. NOW.
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to."- Sophocles
Keeping the secret ate away at me for years. Keeping it in made me physically sick. I starved, binged, purged, cut, burned, scratched, bit, chewed, and rubbed chemicals into my skin trying to get rid of the memory so I wouldn't have to hurt you and Dad with the news.
But I can't. So deal with it. Your precious boy permanently fucked up your daughter.
Last edited by PaleMoon : 18-04-2010 at 06:21 AM.
Reason: add-on
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
can't fucking breathe
I'm so angry and helpless and fuck
I'm trying to help you
let me help you
PLEASE
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
I know we've talked about this. I know I told you that I would come to you before doing something 'stupid'... but how can I when I feel so embarassed about it? I'm so fucking fat and disgusting. I know I'm becoming an alcoholic. And I know I want to just disappear all the time.
It's not that I'm hospitalizing myself because I want to die... I'm doing it because I NEED to get away from all of this shit...
Need to switch off my brain...It's making me question you...Question us..Like do you still love me? Do you still want me like you did? Or is there something wrong with me...Just tell me what it is instead of avoiding my touch like it burns or something.
Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut
Theres one picture in there that actually shows how ill ive gotten. Huge circles under my eyes, skins the wrong colour from malnutrition, and I just look "haunted"
But everythings cool, because Im getting thinner.
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Jay,
I lost count of how many times I told you that I love you today.
Aunty Maweh doesn't want to say goodbye to you.
But she's scared that she no longer has a choice.
Love you, beautiful boy.
Always.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
The truth is I'm so fucking terrified of losing you it's driving me insane. I'm lashing out at you, not because it's your fault, but because I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with how I feel so I'm not. You are my everything. If I feel threatened by anyone, if I feel anyone is trying to come between us I am going to lash out. Evolution says we fight for the things we love, and that's what I'm doing. I'm fighting like hell because I love you more than life itself.
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I know you didn't want to drink now. I'm sorry I wrote down that I didn't understand, I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when "we" made you promise not to drink any more. There was a lot going on then I just had to get out of my system. In a sick way I'm glad I threw my journals away at 13.
I love you, grandma. I am so glad now you don't really realise you're going to die some day. And I'm pretty sure grandpa is off your mind pretty much the major part of the time.
I hate you, mum. I really do.
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
