*curls up by side of bed*
sorry head messy. know the feeling. mine not too good.
you staying safe though? me and Rolo here to help if we can at all <3
x Katie x
*curls up*
so sleepy but tons of work to do but dont wanna do it.
and sposed start a meel plan =\ is confusin and scary lots food =[
bleh.
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*waves to Heather*
sorry got lots of work. me needs to do lots too - but already half one and getting tired.
meal plans can be scary but just to help <3
x Katie x
is only 8:20pm here... but if i dont get work done wont be able to go back to uni and cant find a full time job/dont qualify for disability >.<
so confusin =[
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Sorry im such a whimp and moaning all the time and sorry i always come in here. Just have no where else to go that wont hurt anymore and i just cant stand it out there it all seems so unfair.
"The body faught to survive, it evacuated toxins in any way it knew how. It made clots to stop the bleeding.Bones would find the quickest ways to heal themselves. It made scar tissue. In the face of violence towards it, it would become violent. It was amazing, yet excruciating. "
I do but maybe i don't deserve it. maybe i am too bad. I think bad things and its terrable. My cousan (Well my uncules girlfriends kid) gave birth today. A little baby boy. premature by about five six weeks so he is tiny and cant breath on his own yet but they think he's going to be OK.
That doesnt sound so terrable does it. I mean i sound conserned and it is not the babys fult how could it be that tiny little boys fault so new and innocent and it isn't the parents fult either is it. and i have wished them well an sent my love but here is the kicker this is really me...
I hate my cousane. She is the same age as me and at school it looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth she was straight a's quwite and intelagent and good looking and everyone loved her even my mum was bloinded by her. At school she made my life a missery though. never directly but she organised people to beat me up she sent out invertations for them to watch. She stole my timtable and homework book and would write obsenaties and **** she would spred rumers and she always always told the bullys my hiding places.
She arranged my first date for me and stupidly i went but i was lonly. the guy tried to rape me as a joke to see if i wouold get scared and then she laughed when i was terrafied at school the next day. She told everyone that i self harmed and i was seeing a psyciatrist and when she found out i was hearing voices (My mum didn't believe any of thius **** so talked a lot to my cousans my) and my therapist was considering sending me to a inpatient uinit she started trying to make me belive i was insane amd through all of this there wqas one thing she knew one thing everyone knew and i was not ashamed of it. I was 14 years old and i despretly weanted a baby i am now 23 and i live alonbe in a supported flat and i can't leave the house with out freking out. I have never had a boyfriend i have never been kissed and of course i have never even tried for a baby or done anything else but still thats all i want. I want it so much it hurts all the time like everytime i see a damn baby or toldler someone comes up to me with a knife and stabs me but i am not pregnant and there is no way i am goping to get pregnant. I shake it off when i see other people having kids people i deem fit to deserve them (I know who made me god right. I hate my self.) but this is and she has had a baby and alough this is bad and i am bad i hate her so much. I hate her untill the ends of the earth. She tool my happieness she took my sanity and know she has taken my dream. I just wanted that one thing. I wanted that baby and it hurts so damn much that im not sure i can stand to live with it.
but its just a baby... how can i be so gelous and hate filled over a tiny little baby?
Last edited by lost in dreams : 30-12-2011 at 06:38 AM.
"The body faught to survive, it evacuated toxins in any way it knew how. It made clots to stop the bleeding.Bones would find the quickest ways to heal themselves. It made scar tissue. In the face of violence towards it, it would become violent. It was amazing, yet excruciating. "
what your cousin did was very very wrong n nothin ever justifies that. soooo sorry you went through that! i dont know from experience, but everyone believing she was good when she was doin all that had/has to be frustrating. so far as the baby, i think its displaced anger or whatever the term is. youre still angry at your cousin n thats extended to the baby now.
sorry your situation isnt good for havin a kid :/ is volunteering somewhere with babies/toddlers an option? i know its not the same.
can make it through this *hug gain*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Sometimes it just feels like the whole world is having a baby and i'm not. Im 24 in a few wekks time as well and i know this sounds stupid and i am a little young to be worried about this but it just feels like my life is ticking away.
I tried to volantear with kids or in a hopsital or something like that so i can care for peole but my scars are intensive. impossable to hide intensive and they scare people and offend others. Hell even a church turned down my free help i was offering wither there toddler group. It comes to something when even god rejects you.
"The body faught to survive, it evacuated toxins in any way it knew how. It made clots to stop the bleeding.Bones would find the quickest ways to heal themselves. It made scar tissue. In the face of violence towards it, it would become violent. It was amazing, yet excruciating. "
