I thought you were all i needed. And half of me still believes your all i need. You were the first person i trusted with my deepest secret. Is that the only reason im staying with you? I fear loosing you, because you know more then anyone about me. But i still try to let you in, and see everything. But you dont care. Always changing the subject, and its killing me. I wont even tell you half the things i think or do. Because when i try, you shut me out. I love you, its a lie. I hope you'd believe it, part of me still does. But you arent helping me anymore.. Im sorry.. Im using you in a way i guess. I let you be rough with me, not because i get pleasure from it, but because you wont let me hurt myself. You dont listen to me. You dont love me. Or you do but you dont trust me. I hate myself. And i lie about it.
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"Do you want anything ?"
"No thank you, i dont feel well." but i was really thinking no, i cant have anything, i cant eat.. i cant gain weight. I have to be thin.. even if i get sick..
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Stop fucking drinking and see the person ive really become. I know you love your boyfriend more then me. I know you love my brother and sister more then me. And i know you love your wine more then me. Too bad you dont see your real daughter anymore. Shes become an anorexic, self harming, suicidal, insane girl who belongs in a mental hospital. Or six feet under.
-- I'm very relatable , if you need to talk , i promise i can help. Give me a pm. ♥
You don't understand so just shut up and leave me alone
You do help at the right times but now is not the right time
I need to just wallow in my shit
I want to push you away
I can do this on my own
And if I can't I'll ask you for help
Maybe
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
i felt so anixious and stressd all afternoon to evening and itz still there. what is the point in speaking.. he dont listen he dose not get the word noo.. he said i didnt wanna see u.. i said no.. he called me selfish, i told him i was cooking dinner for my family he said il see u soon.. and hung up.. i was left there standing feeling so angry my thought was u can have me then.. in a box.. after i dished out the dinner i didnt have any i packed my nieces bags, got my mum ready and left our town for a couple hours.. now im back and feel so anxious that i feel like im angry enough to go out side and put my hand through the pane of glass thats sittn waitn to be recylced. .. id rather be in A and E than see you. and now im drinkn. I often wonder will i snap.. snap on me.. not him.. right now i feel so pushed.
Laughter is a direct route to the soul. It broadens your perspective, keeps you healthy, and makes an unbearable situation alot easier to deal with.
he banged on the door so loud it sceared me and woke my mum, i wont open the door, i told my mum it'l be ok, then it got so loud i had to, he wouldnt leave, he's drunk and pissed off, i started the car and said not staying here, he said im not going any were, 10 mins this went on he refused to call back the taxi, he wouldnt get in the car, so i said im not even going to in terain u and said ur not sleeping be side me tonight, he said he'd sleep in the spare, i didnt want to be round him i went to bed, he landed in, and the messin started. he said i was a stubborn bastard cus i wont give in. i thought as the messin was going on.. it wud be ok... if i did snap and end my life it wud be excepted, maybe then he'l realise how much i can not take.. he bite my back and i cried, and got out and told him to go fk himself. he's there.. im here in the middle of the night.. i hate him for disturing our home, for waking and scaring me and my mum, she is not well tonight. i should of never opened the door..
Laughter is a direct route to the soul. It broadens your perspective, keeps you healthy, and makes an unbearable situation alot easier to deal with.
I've gone whole summers on my own, I'll survive a week.
