It was a year ago yesterday that I last saw you healthy. This year has gone so quickly, it doesn't feel like it's almost been a year. It will be 10 months ago on Thursday. I miss you.
I wanted to go today Grandad. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to face her, I'm sorry I upset you by telling what he did when you were so ill, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble today, I'm sorry for the mess I've become. I'm sorry I've let you down.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
you died in March and it's only in the last couple of weeks that I have realised that you're actually gone. I never really told anyone, I still haven't, because I don't want to belive it. 8 months on and I still don't but I'm starting to cry about you so much. I just want you to come back. When we go to your house, I always expect you to come in the room and when you don't, I cry. I don't have anyone to talk to about this either, I just need relief.
I miss you & I love you.
Nan
you were the best.
always love you
I miss you x
Please don't hate me?
I'm sorry that I was weak
but that doesn't mean I love you any less.
I really wish you were here
because all this "In won't be like this forever" "time heals" "things change" is actually crap and I can't take it.
I know I'm selfish. I know I think of no-one but myself.
So please tell whoever is in charge to hurry it up.
You and G'dad together, make them.
cause, I can't do it.
Please nana
Please
I'm begging you.
You know you'd do anything for me.
I'm your special little girl.
So please do this!
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I dont understand why u had to go... I feel so alone ur not gonna be around!
I hate the thought of starting a new day without u... its been a week now!
I love u so much and I pray every night that ul come back!
love u Zoey baby!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
I never got to say goodbye.
I never got to hold you in my arms.
I never got to make you feel safe as you passed away.
But worst of all, I never told you how much I love you.
I wish you could come back to me, even if only for a short cuddle, as long as I could tell you how much I love you, then I would feel at peace.
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
I'm more sorry than words could express that I didn't follow you to the end of the world. I'd have done anything for you, I thought you were safe with him. If I had known, I would have dropped my life and followed. We'd have been a family, your dad, me and you. I love you so much. And I am so sorry I failed you.
She wasn't worth it and her betrayal is tearing me apart.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.
I'm sorry I never got to make you proud
I'm sorry grandma
And I'm sorry to ask, I know it's selfish
But I'm scared, will you please look after me?
I love you
I miss you, but I know you were suffering,
you're in a better place now
My RYL family: PaperClip is my big sis
"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore."
- The Dark Lord
i miss you like crazy that isn't the question.
but.....
yeah.
i miss the heck out of you, and you won't come back until july of next year. sooo hoping this goes fast.
Nan, I just want to hold you in my arms.
I miss you so much. so so much.
It's your birthday soon, Thursday infact.
Might buy a cake (If I can get to the shops and mum/dad don't notice as they'll think it's stupid) I just wish you were here to see it and blow out the 84 candles that would be apon it (although tbf that would be a fire risk lol)
I love you. I really do. And I really hope you realised/knew that.
Can't wait to give you a big hug again when the time is right.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
3 years i can't belive its been 3 years,I miss you so much i think about you all the time i miss your voice and your laugh that always made me smile.I'm doing fine most days but i still wish you were in my life,im so sorry that i couldn't help,please let me know your around show me a sign.
Love you jodie hope we meet some day xx please be at peace now your in a safe place
i hope you don't mind me doing this darling.
why did this have to be true, i thought karl was joking when he wrote that on your fb wall.
all the times we had, the crazy nights out. ur leaving do.
why did u have to go bk to ireland.
22 is such a young age. lyl
we are all in a state of shock.reminiscing over the good times we had. i can't stop crying.
i know you wouldn't have wanted that.
i love u lots.R.I.P sean.
love you forever and always
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ed, your such a nice lad, always laughing and smiling and prating around. your only only and it never had to end this way. noone wanted you to take your life babe. we all miss you so much. it's only been 24 hours since you went. but it's still not hit any of us yet. we all love you so much ed!
your out of the pain you felt and the suffering you went through. hope you watching over us all !
never be forgotten
Sleep Tight Baby
Rest In Peace Ed 20/11/09 <3
xx
We Never Said Goodbye ; We Said See You Later
Cos One Day We'll Meet Again
Unil Then You My Shining Stars
Rest In Peace - Nan ; Grandad ; Jamie ; Ian ; Micheal ; Edward ; Dorren <3 x
I dreamt about you last night. It was a bit random but the whole context of it is amazing. I want to write it out here but there's something bad I don't want him to see. It might just be random, or it might have something to do with Tuesday. *shrug* I can't quite believe it'll be 14 years on Tuesday. 14 years. It feels like forever. I can barely even remember you, which I hate. I do remember some things though. I remember seeing you lying in the coffin; you looked so peaceful. I remember me and Z crying because we didn't understand what they were all telling us, and A was trying to reassure us. I remember dad hugging me when he told me. That's the only time I can ever remember him hugging me. I can picture it all so clear. Yet I can't remember what I had for breakfast 2 days ago. It's funny how memory works. I can't get the dream out of my head. It's stupid but it was full of so much, yet not a lot of much, all at the same time. The bit with you, I don't know whether that's a real memory or if it's just something I desired/needed at the time because of the situation. I know this makes no sense.
I can't get to the cemetery to see you on Tuesday but I'll come and see you tomorrow. Or maybe me and dad will come today. Maybe. I never know what to say when I come and see you with him. I can feel his grief pulsating through him. He's so strong. I always wish I was as strong as him. I know I always wonder this but would you be proud of me? Would you be disappointed? Would you be ashamed? Meh.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
Another month since your passing is drawing to a close.
God I ****ing miss you nan.
More than you'd probably ever know or realise.
Everytime dad lights up a cigerette I hear you.
"if your ment to smoke, God would put a chimney in your head"
Ah Nan man, I wish you were with us. I really do.
I wish you'd come to me, or something would.
I wish you'd slap me round the face and tell me to sort myself out.
I wish you were here, and well.
I wish the horrible disease didn't have to steal you away from me.
I need you nan.
I need you so so much.
I remember I used to comb your hair.
Make it nice.
Nana please, Please Nana. Please.
I can't anymore.
Not without you.
I just need a hug or something.
Please just come to the end of my bed one night or something.
I need to see you once more.
I need to say goodbye.
I need you.
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
Hi nanny.
It's 28th November today. Exactly one year ago since you were diagnosed again.
It's funny how quickly the last year has gone. They said at the beginning of December that you might have 5 years left if you were lucky. Even when we went to see you in hospital, even when I googled what high calcium levels meant, even at Christmas, I wasn't expecting it to be so quick. Realistically I was expecting maybe July or August time, although I wouldn't even admit that, I convinced myself it would all be fine. But January 5th. I wasn't expecting that.
I hope you're ok. I miss you a lot, and I love you so, so much.
xxx
