I'm sorry I'm not good enough, pretty enough, nice enough, confident enough, thin enough, the list goes on.
I'm sorry I can't do better than this.
I'm sorry I lie.
I'm sorry you can't trust me.
I'm sorry I'm nasty, horrible, sadistic, vile..
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry I care about anorexia more than I care about you or even life itself.
I'm sorry I want to die.
I'm sorry I love you.
I'm sorry I hate you.
I'm sorry for being alive.
I'm sorry.
remember years ago when i said i wanted to die, and you said to wait another year, that things might be different then. and i was crying and saying over and over again that i couldn't do it anymore.
i think that time is coming. it's been so long now. i just want you to understand why. it's not your fault; it's just that "life isn't for everyone". i've been tormented for most of my life, and i wonder why i have had such a large share of pain.
i think i'm just a statistic now.
(p.s. this is not a suicide note. just random feelings.)
I did everything right. I waited a year for you while you swanned off to Japan to do your year abroad. I gave you money when you needed it because you were too scared to ask for it from your rich dad. I asked questions, I asked how you were, if you were ok. I tried to help you with the weight thing and you wouldn't let me. I asked you to marry me and you said yes, then later you lied and said you weren't wearing the ring because it "needed to go to the jewellers to be fixed". I loved you with all my heart- you made me feel like a good person for the first time in... a long time. And then one night, out of the blue, you yank the rug out from under my feet and hurt me worse than anyone ever has, then you give me that bullshit about needing space and give me almost four days to get my hopes up about you saying we can work it out. And then you tell me you don't love me, and even though I begged you to give it a chance you wouldn't budge, and I cried and cried and cried and threw things and I tore the only photo of us we had up in our flat. You made me so angry and so sad and so hurt and so hopeless, and now I can't get you out of my head and the thought of you with another guy makes me feel physically sick. I don't know whether to hate you or miss you.
I'm sorry... because of me you got to go to therapy... I'm so f***ing sorry for messing up your life, for causing you this much anxiety and trouble. You put up with far too much and you deserve someone better than me. Someone that isn't pathetic, someone who is confident, amazing, funny, gorgeous and makes you feel the happiness that you deserve... Why are you even with me? Why? I don't deserve you... I don't deserve the kindness or love that anyone gives me. I don't deserve it... yet I crave it so desperately...
I'm so sorry... please, please forgive me...
Happy fucking seven months without cutting to me. I think it'd would've done me a lot of good if I hadn't stopped.
"There's a voice in my head telling me why I should hate you, but I hate myself instead. There's a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me. I guess it's wrong to live life so lifelessly."
"The sharper the edge, the cleaner the wound, so I'll be keeping it dull tonight for I deserve to hurt. Disfigure the outside to show how ruined I am, there's no pain and no pleasure when you're too numb to feel."
"My mouth's shooting blanks. Situation's unbearable, I've gotten vulnerable. Now anyone is free to waltz right in. My temple's been invaded and there's nobody guarding it. All over this lonely life, but what's so wrong with being all alone? Alone's the only way I've ever known. "
"I spent some time in a bad place at 18, wishing I could see something through clear eyes. Do you ever wake up to realize that your life is meaningless? Does it give you strength or lead you to your grave at a young age?"
"Your life's a living hell. You've got gremlins in your blood cells and monsters in your bed, they're haunting you again. Oh it must be this place at least that's what you say, say, say. You don't love you anymore. Cast your demons aside, keep them close enough to know what you're running from. Soon you won't feel this anymore. Cast your demons aside, keep them close enough to know that you're moving on. The fire used to burn in your heart and in your eyes. You used to dream, you used to care, you used to love, you used to fight for anything at all. You cover up your bedroom wall with who you want to be."
Last edited by lovelybones : 05-03-2009 at 12:46 AM.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
Clementine: Joely?
Joel: Yeah, Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Joel: Uh-uh.
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Last edited by lovelybones : 05-03-2009 at 01:31 AM.
I am in love with you, and it's stupid. There's a million reasons we could never be together, but you're the only person I care about in the world.
You hurt me so bad and I'm tired of it happening, time and time again. Why can't I let go of you? I guess its because I know deep down how amazing you are. I guess it's because we've been friends for so long. I guess it's because I love you.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."
Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
