I don't think I can do this much longer. I've been trying to tell my wife all weekend, but I can't find the words....I'm scared. I don't know what to do...
Here's the safest place for the midnightphoenix right now
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
Oh man, maybe this is what I needed... Break out the coloring pages and ginger ale! :P
COLORING BOOKS!!! *five year old face*
-rocks back and forth- Can't I stay here and not see the mummy-in-law tomorow with all the evil food and social interaction, ontop of a chest infection. Wahhhhhh !!!
Just tonight, I wont leave and I'll lie and you'll believe. Just tonight I will see, that it's all because of me
Don't think I will be out for a while heads a crazy mess right now
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
You asked me to show you.
To show you the angel you saw in my eyes.
Not caring if the angel has been lost.
Thinking of selfish desires.
Not caring that the angel has been shot down.
Running underneath a darkening sky.
You were the one who shot the arrow.
The arrow that pierced my armour of sorrow.
Not caring what happened to the angel who fell.
I changed for you.
I change for you.
Yet.
You are not satisfied.
What do you want me to do?
Clear the road ahead of you?
Destroy myself as you destroy me?
Day by day, I change.
Day by day, I go on.
This is the only thing I want to know.
What do you want of me?
Why don't you leave me now?
Why don't you let me leave?
I have nothing left to give.
Why do you keep asking for more?
Running around in your garden.
Seeing only the green and not the fading yellow.
Looking around, you see nothing, but what you wish.
Closing the final gate. So I can never go away.
If only my wings were still here.
As I died, I became human.
As I watched you play your game.
I died.
You are telling me to look around.
Look at all the green.
Yet all I see, are the winternights coming with speed of light.
There is nothing left for me to have here.
There is nothing I can do.
There is nothing you see.
As I time after time try to escape.
You find me, hiding in the bullets between our fights.
You see me but fail to see the bullets that were a part of me.
Thinking once again that all is well, you run around in your garden, as I watch you play.
Still I keep trying to escape. though I know that I can't.
Still I try.
I'll protect you from anything but yourself.
You are lost within your wishes.
You wish to fade, though you do not see those who have the need of it.
Still you wish to fade, though you have no reason to.
I am all the fake things you despise.
Though you don't see.
You fail to see that I changed from what I used to be.
You fail to notice that you changed me.
I know that I see what you are.
Just a child playing in the garden of life.
Playing with things best left alone.
But I know you must have your own experience.
I can't stop you, though I should.
I know I can run away.
I know I should.
Though I know I can't.
Some things are what they are.
And there is nothing more I can do.
And there is no reason for me to linger.
Though I do.
As I sit and watch you play, I see another angel.
One who is falling onto the earth.
As I watch him fall.
I see the arrow that pierced his armour.
And I know that he is doomed to the same as I.
I know that he will sit and watch someone play.
Though I hope he will keep his wings.
*hugs all in here and puts some goodies and drinks on the table*
Not good... not in a good place right now. Barely holdong it together at work
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
*checks in and curls up in duvet* not safe right now *offers everyone hot chocolate* it's raining today calls for hot chocolate *nods* how is everyone coping?
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
*hugs skinnylove and insidemyhead* - hope that's okay
YUM HOT CHOCOLATE! :P. *puts lots and lots of marshiemallows in*
I am not coping well... frustrated, enraged, and I feel a bit of psychosis coming :(
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I can't take this anymore i want harm myself i handle the numbness and feeling emotion less and empty/dead inside..
oh crap my heads one big crazy mess
where is that bloody cup of tea i need my caffeine fix quite urgently
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
.gif "rose")
