All thoughts are 'just' thoughts until they become actions. They can be stressful and upsetting and intrusive and downright unpleasant so none of this 'just' please. *Huge cuddles* I really hope you can be honest with your cc on Tuesday and she might have some useful suggestions. I may just be thinking wishfully though from the sounds of her. Have you ever found anything useful in the past in dealing with them? I know you haven't said you've any intent behind them so I hope you don't actually do anything because I think that would make you feel worse. It's a horrible place to be in and I'm really sorry that that's where you are right now. Can you do anything nice for yourself at all?
I suppose it is good that they're reacting and not just saying I'm being borderline but at the same time it's very bemusing. Seems like an overreaction? Idk. I genuinely feel better for doing it, less overwhelmed etc. I just wasn't expecting to have to deal with my team until I got back. It's just I didn't have much time to prepare for the trip home and I find travelling anxiety inducing and it's out of my comfort zone and around a lot of people and yeah. I really need more time to mentally prepare for these things. I'm still at a friend's house and have been saying for about 2hrs that I want to go home but Ritzi really isn't getting it.
*squish* Tell her you're leaving and she can come if she wants? :P I hope you can go home soon. I can understand the travelling and everything being stressful. I'm sure you can do it though. Do you have things that help, like ways to keep yourself distracted on the journey? I don't think your team are overreacting, I think it's just easy to under-react when you're the one going through it.
Thank you lovely <3 I won't do anything. I'm trying to do self care things and stay distracted and such, but I think the main thing that helps is just accepting it and knowing I won't act on it. It doesn't make it any nicer though. I will try and be honest with my CC, she will probably just tell me to do some relaxation though!
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I'm glad you won't do anything, though I do understand it doesn't make it any more pleasant or easy to deal with. Tell your cc that you're doing everything in your capabilities to distract yourself and self soothe and that you really need some more useful suggestions. She really does sound hopeless though. :( I'm glad you're doing everything you can but can completely get that it's not really helping. <3
I don't think I'm undereacting. It isn't as bad as some of the things I've done. Everyone was like shocked though. Kept getting 'x stitches is very serious' blah blah blah. Idk. It just genuinely didn't seem that bad.
The actual travelling bit is fine, it's the being away from home I guess. I'll have my kindle and iPod and the internet so it could be worse but yeah. Not my bed not my cats not my anything. As I say. I need a bit longer to mentally prepare and change my mind and change my mind again and stuff.
Thanks. I'm home now and having a last fag and going to bed. Sleeeeep. Tomorrow we're just having a lazy day of pjs and tv and it will be nice. I think I'm getting some signs of psychosis so Ritzi is obviously worried and I'm just like ffs. I don't like thinking I'm 'ill' and this is just ridiculous.
Jenna, RuPaul's Drag Race is basically America's Next Top Model but with drag queens - very dramatic and trashy and just excellent TV, basically. I love anything where people aren't afraid to be themselves and drag queens are definitely that!
Our weekend has been fairly relaxed, J is just essaying so I've been pottering about. Today I'm planning to do some meal prep for next week and I'm also watching lots of PLL.
*hugs* for all. It sounds like things are quite stressful at the moment Amy and Hannah. I hope today is a better day.
Glad you got an emergency supply of your meds Hannah. I’m sure I’ll be able to get mine tomorrow somewhere – there should be lots of pharmacies open after work I think. You’re doing so well with dealing with horrible thoughts and self care *hugs* (my new favourite distraction is logic puzzles)
Sounds like you’ve had a stressful time Amy, I hope you can get some rest and benefit from the extra support. Try to take it easy this week as I know you have a lot on.
Glad you’re doing ok Lana – I thoroughly enjoyed crepe affaire by the way even though I was apprehensive, you have great taste in A+ lunches. Jenna kept going on about how it was not the same without you though!
How are you doing Ali? Meal prep sounds like a plan, what meals are you going to make? I’ve seen RuPaul's Drag Race before, it was quite entertaining we once watched a whole series in one go.
We are not up to anything exciting this weekend, just catching up with work and stuff. Jenna is playing something she was very excited about on the violin – I have no idea what it is but I shall applaud appropriately. She is now playing me what it is supposed to sound like – it was appropriately recognisable so I’m impressed but she thinks I was doing sarcasm . Now she’s laughing at me for using my word document to draft a reply again.
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
Ali, sounds like a good use of your Sunday. I agree that Ru Paul's drag race is an excellent choice of tv programme!
Katie, how are you? I should probably get out my violin sometime. I haven't touched it in years.
Lana, I hope you got some sleep!
I slept very, very badly. It was ridiculous. The psychotic symptoms have Ben therefor about a month and I have been ignoring them hoping they will go away but they are getting worse, probably due to the lack of sleep and stress so I'm not sure how to fix that as I seemingly just can't sleep. Oh well. Watching tv and chilling now so today should be restful.
I'm ok thank you Amy, not really looking forward to facing a week of work but I'll do my best! Going to make sure I'm prepared and then do some more chilled things this afternoon if possible (I'm not so good at making myself chill out).
I hope that you have a restful afternoon and maybe could take a nap?
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
You should take a class from me, I'm excellent at chilling. :P I hope you can relax this afternoon though. I think it would be good for you. I hope work next week goes ok too! What do you do?
I try not to nap, mainly because I find it very hard to sleep during the day and also because I don't want it impacting my sleep at night.
Sleep deprivation definitely makes things worse. What usually helps with sleep, Amy?
Katie; I have made a vast quantity of parsnip and mustard soup! I'll eat it for lunch at work all next week. I'm also going to make spaghetti and Quorn meatballs tonight for J and I, and I'll put some in the freezer too so I'll have lots of stuff I can just heat up. I love cooking :)
Thanks Amy, I teach so I've had a nice holiday but back to work tomorrow!
Hm I do understand not wanting to nap but make sure you get some rest.
Yes Lana I do know how to multi-quote but I like to combine all of someone's previous posts into my reply and also I can avoid being ninja-d by refreshing the page before I post! I am obviously not anywhere near as excellent company as you *bows down to your superior company*
Ali I was thinking of making soup this morning. I think I'm going to make butternut squash soup as I miss it - Jenna doesn't believe in soup I love cooking too.. spaghetti and quorn meatballs sounds excellent. Jenna made fabulous cannelloni last night - I thoroughly recommend.
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
Yikes Lana. 6am?? I hope you manage to get some stuff done before your shift tonight and can try and chill too!
Gosh, Ali, you're being super productive! That soup sounds horrible though. :P Freezer meals are so handy though.
Ahh. A teacher! Rather you than me. :P What age group? One perk of being a teacher is slightly longer holidays, though I understand with marking and lesson planning it's not the picnic most people assume.
The symptoms were there before the sleep deprivation so yeah. It's not too bad at the moment and I can obviously challenge them right now but this is how it always starts. I don't know how to help my sleep. It happens every so often where I get insomnia to varying degrees and I generally just have to tough it out until my sleep regulates again. Woe.
Sounds lovely! I find butternut squash soup can run a bit too sweet, though, so I add stuff like mustard or pesto for savoury-ness. I never used to like soup but I love it now, it's so easy and cheap to make and it's perfect for lunch. Fills me up too and I work quite long days because of the commute so I need something that keeps me going :)
I want crepes now. There's an amazing crepe place in Bangor (where I did my MSc) that I got white chocolate and strawberry crepes from... so good!
I hope you can keep challenging your psychotic symptoms Amy. I teach secondary, 11 - 18. I like my job, it can be tricky though.
Ali when I make butternut squash soup I usually add cumin for warmth and sometimes red pepper or something to cut through a bit of the sweetness. Soup is good for being filling and tasty and hot. I don't need to chew my food :p
Sounds like you might have a quiet shift then Lana. Also we have inhabited Jenna's house for 4 days now it's feeling quite busy here! I imagine you also win on being A+ company for the Charles Dickens museum. Good luck with all the housework (definitely agree with doing it in PJs)
Carbs are tasty, but I do like replacing my rice with cauliflower rice and sometimes butternut squash or courgette spaghetti.
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
I like soup sometimes but I'm not a big soup eater. I like spicy butternut squash soup though. Mm.
Ohhhh Lana. That makes more sense. My brain is clearly functioning! Hopefully it'll be an easy enough shift. I don't personally believe in low carb diets but as long as you're sensible with it.
Ah. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to secondary school! What subject? I feel like I should know this though...
I am showered and heading out this afternoon apparently. No rest for the wicked!
Amy, well done on getting showered and ready to head out; are you going anywhere exciting?
Katie, <3
Lana, hope you manage to get your housework done and that work is indeed quiet! Your room here is pretty empty atm, so you better come move in asap :P Also I suspect not going to the Charles Dickens museum will be especially easy when we're all the way up in the Great North!
Ali, you've gone down in my ratings now that I know you're in favour of soup How are you doing? I'm so pleased you've had a relaxing weekend!
Just so everyone is aware, there was no applause AT ALL after my violin performance. I might post report Katie for lying Where's Kiran with a standing ovation when you need her?!
What are you up to this afternoon Amy? We're here if it would help to talk more about what you're experiencing. Also have you brought it up with your psych / CPN? If not, maybe it would be a good idea to do that before it becomes too difficult to challenge things yourself?
I quite enjoy food that I don't have to chew, I'm lazy like that :P Butternut squash and chilli soup is good!
Teaching sounds like hell to me tbh. Pretty sure I'd have a nervous breakdown if I tried it!
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Hello ninja Jenna! How are you? I will give you applause. *applauds* Clearly I am nicer than Katie :P
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
. Now she’s laughing at me for using my word document to draft a reply again.
I love cooking too.. spaghetti and quorn meatballs sounds excellent. Jenna made fabulous cannelloni last night - I thoroughly recommend.
My brain is clearly functioning! Hopefully it'll be an easy enough shift. I don't personally believe in low carb diets but as long as you're sensible with it. 
How are you doing? I'm so pleased you've had a relaxing weekend!