you say you'll be there for me but as you dont know how i feel how can you?
you'll just leave again, i know it.....
and then where will i be?
It's killing me too
It's so wrong not to be with you
It's getting harder to stay awake It's killing me too
It stops my heart just to be with you
So listen cause you are the only one who cares to hear
Im so sick of having to apologise to you. You know what my moods are like lately and you still pass sly comments and remarks or take things too far. Your supposed to be my friend but you do nothing but make me feel self concious and horrible about myself. Whenever your in a fight its always the other persons fault. You think your always right. Its because your a spoilt only child who always gets your own way. Im so sick of you blaming everybody else for your own problems. Its not just me thats getting sick of your bitchy moods. In the many years that weve been friends how many times have you ever apologised to me? Never! Im always the one to say sorry even if its not my fault. If I have the tiniest spot or my eyeshadow isnt blended evenly you make a holy show of me. I never once told you you looked like shite cause of your hideous peeling skin rash (which you did). I tried to make you feel better about it. If I told you what I really thought youd bite my head off!!! Things better change cause I can see this "friendship" ending pretty soon if you dont cop da f*ck on and start treating all of your friends with some respect. Ps. Im almost considering telling everyone about you being the "hairless wonder". You wouldnt like that now would you?
I wish you actually knew. I want to be able to tell you everything there is to say, & for you to just hold me & really understand,, or at least try to. but you don't seem to want to know fully. I say certain things & you just shrug it off. I say certain things & you just laugh cause you think I'm joking... I'm really not half the time ya'know. I don't joke about this shit. it just seems you don't take me seriously. at the same time as wanting to scream at you everything that is on my mind, I also just want to leave it how it is. I don't really know what I want from this anymore, or what could/should happen with us. I just feel to tired & too vulnerable most of the time to protect myself. I feel to worn down & achy to argue or do anything to stop anything.
I am sorry that this seems to have turned out how I thought it would in my head. it's just my head,, it fucks stuff up that it shouldn't. I feel dirty for saying this... but I do lie when you ask me that. but I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth, & a lot of the time I just want it to stop.
I am so sorry for all of this.
I love you.
so confused.
-
goddamn it i TOTALLY failed that fucking final. if i did i will end up dead or in the hospital once i find out. i will cut myself so badly.
You're making me angrier and angrier. But a confused anger. A subdued anger. An anger that will never surface, only bubble. So angry though. Why lie? Why play? Why mess?
Thankyou, I owe you so much for tonight.
Again.
It's not you.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
Why do you think i sit there for hours? staring at the screan head phones in? ask me, see what answer i give you, i probably wont, i'll just smile, ask me if im ok,go on ask, oh yeah i forgot your not here, thats just it you never are, not emotionally, you say we need to talk, hugs are good for the soul, are they? so why do i feel like ripping my skin off everytime you hug me? why am i like this? is it your fault im like this? or is it mine? or is it hers? you tell me, tell me now! oh thats right you have no answer, you say im too quiet, so help me be loud!! help me be me! why dont i smile? go on ask!?!
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
you asked me for a reason to stay; a reason to search for new light. i had no reason to give.
you asked me to promise you, hand-on-heart swear, that there was nothing you would have been able to do. and i told you what you already knew; you could have saved him.
i'm sorry. i love you. that was our last goodbye.
xx
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
c: first of all i'm getting really sick of you. you piss me off so much. how could you mention my dreams and aspirations to your mother! it's none of her fucking business what i want to do in life and she has absolutely no right to talk about it and tell other people. art has saved me and no one seems to fucking get that!!! so why dont you and your mom fuck off. your mom is using shit against my family. she thinks i'm lower than her in life. well fuck her b/c i'll make a name for myself and then she'll see.
oh and also going to berkeley w/u is now one of the biggest regrets of my life. i regret that i simply used you to get something that i wanted. i regret that you got one too just because i was. i regret that my best friend wasn't there with me rather it was you. i regret that i have to look at it on my arm every day and think about how much i hate myself for going with you. i deeply regret that i told you some of my most personal secrets. you have no right to know about my life. thanks for driving me though.
i thought our friendship was getting stronger for the better, but now it's just suffocating. and it makes me hate myself.
d: i have like the biggest crush on you but you dont even know it. whatev...i'll get over you.
e: i'm sorry that i've been such a shitty bestfriend. i love you to death. we need to talk really soon. i have two major things to talk to you about. i'm finally going to tell you the truth. please dont hate me. you're the perfection of december. i love you bestie.
m: i'm sorry i'm a failure at life. i got a tattoo. i'll show it to you and dad eventually. but for now i'm hiding it. sorry i lied to you. =/
Bitch i know where you live!
I know your number,
I know where you work,
I know where your fucking husband works,
I should leave my fucking family alone if i were you....
I'll get you.
So Kill me with the love you never gave...
Scarlet tissues and empty pill packs,
she lay there motionless, theres no going back.....
