im going.
i hate this life.
its all screwed up.
you confuse me with your lies.
i hope i never have to come back.
i want to go into care.
and be able to talk about some of the things that messed me up so much.
i wont stand for you abusing me anymore.
Farewell
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
person 1 - i hate you. i looked out for you and you went and did that. just stay away from me.
person 2 - god i miss you. i need you right now. you are my gorgeous special girl and i love you
person 3 - we dated for 2 years and 2 months, then were friends. i called you on your birthday, least you could have done was call me on mine
anyone who will listen - i'm not coping. i know myself and my illness well enough now to know when i'm on that downward slope. someone listen to me and help me
I'm sure you've already told him the whole bit, and I'm sure he's gotten a kick out of it. I told you though, I am over you for all intents and purposes. I only recently realized my feelings, ok? But hey, telling him won't really change anything anyway. Not as far as I'm concerned. I know I'll never be able to have you, that's for damn sure. You know, I actually considered writing you a poem explaining how sorry I was, but now that I think about it, it's too much effort for too little, just like everything else was with you. You never learned to appreciate me.
i'm annoyed because i know for whatever reason you didn't want me to see who you were emailing. i know i have no right to know but you made it so obvious by purposly turning so i couldn't see. can't you see how this fuels my paranoia?
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
I am so sorry i had to put you thru that last night! calling in that state and the not calling back! im such a cow! i wish i could show you just how much i am sorry for what i am dumping on your sholders!! you have so much going on for yourself at the moment as it is!! I am afarid to talk to you now because i know that you would be happier if i wasnt around! i am sorry but i have to say good bye! i love you but you wold be better without me!!
S-good luck today! i am soo porud of you!! taking exams and being in the looney bin! you havent evenb freaked out in a exam yet! you are doing so well! i am so proud of you for doing so good! :) keep going!
Mum-I love you i am so sorry to put you thru this i would change if i could! i just wish i could for you! i am so sorry i am such a cow and disapointment!!
Crisis Line- you are shit!!! i call and you just listen to me cry! i needed help, i didnt want to call my friends or family..thats the reason i left the house and i still had to! i still had to worry them! you are ment to help but you dont! what is the point? i am all alone again just like i was last februarry!! i am used to asking for help, and i thought that was the right thing to do! but obviously not! i was wrong i am ment to feel like this and be in this pain! i was right in the beginning! i have been lying to myself all this time!! - i hate liers (thats y i hate myself)
I want you to give up on me, to let my memories fade from your mind, to once again be nothing, because as soo as I do, then you'll forget all about me, and I will cease to exist
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Why did you leave me. I'm still here picking up the pieces of my broken life. How did I let you have this much power over me. I hate myself. How can you expect me to just walk away from our children. They aren't even born yet and you expect me to abandon them. I used to have walls to protect myself. You begged and begged for me to bring them down, and right when I have them cracked and crumbling you leave. I tried so hard to do right. I'm so sorry I fucked both our lives up. I miss you, I love you, please come home.
Yeah though I walk through the Valley of Hunger I shall not fear. For he that walkith with the cheese is righteous and nay shall go hungry.
the only thing holding me back is tomorrow morning.
-
so confused. so lost.
-
i almost hope my chest pains will get worse. i'm not seeing a doctor because i don't want to. [ if something's wrong with my heart or lungs and i die from it, i'm okay with that.]
-
i NEED to pass this class. please give me a decent grade on the final. if i don't pass i will lose it.
I haven't seen you since... Friday. Haven't talk to you. Haven't seen you. It's good ^_^ But I know when I see you again it might just hit me all over again. And I feel sick to the pit of my stomach thinking of that, thinking about the way I feel about you.
It's just a phase, it's just a fucking phase.
----
Urgh. What the fuck. Fuck it. I can't be arsed. You know you don't want to be with her, and this isn't me being twisted and bitter. Hell no. I love my guy, just not the fact he's miles away. But I know this will end badly. And you do too. Pity you didn't wanna listen. *Shrug* Ain't my problem.
Last edited by Kame : 20-05-2008 at 11:56 PM.
You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"
I want to go back to that moment. But you don't even know what that moment is.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
you bastard. every time you tell me that you love me, it's a damned lie.
"in my defense, i've grown very fond of you." what the hell am i supposed to do with that?
i don't know if going to europe is far enough away or way too far. you're integral to my breathing and i couldn't last 2 weeks without you last summer, back when i thought that you really loved me. but now i know that you don't love me and 7 weeks might be the time i need to heal from what we have...whatever it is.
we make our friends feel awkward and that needs to stop.
I went to bed last night after drinking half a bottle of run and didn't want to wake up this morning. When I did, I dislocated my knuckle punching a wall to make sure it wasn't a dream. How do I tell you this? How would you cope or even react, I can't stop them anymore! I Love You xx!
