haha i didnt go yesterday.
infact i didnt go to either of those places.
i have more important things to deal with.
give me all the shit in the world im past caring.
i wish i could tell you that i cut myself, but i cant. i know it would tear you apart as much as i tear me apart. i dont want to hurt you, so i guess i just hurt myself instead. i love you.
"The thing about addiction is, it never ends well.
Because eventually what ever it is that was getting us high,
stops feeling good and starts to hurt.
Still they say you don't kick the habit until you've hit rock bottom,
But how do you know when your there?
Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us,
sometimes letting it go hurts even worse."
Please don't marry him.
we're all so terribly worried
but none of us know what to say, none of us really know the whole situation
just the glimpse's, just the times you tell us bits, but one thing is for sure you are scared of him
We've seen how worried you look, how anxious you get.
it's not your fault
stop denying it, stop pretending
you deserve so so so much better then him
especially, now after this
we're here for you, we will try and help you however much we can
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own
I cried when I read it. I wish I didn't know exactly how you were feeling. I'm not sure why I cried, confusion maybe. Maybe even the knowledge that I do know how you're feeling but will ignore it makes me cry, angry cry, at myself for knowing and ignoring. I'm sorry.
I felt it, I heard the revelation and I forgot. It's something you have no idea just how well I do. I had no idea just how well. But it's happened. I just forget when I want to. And I want to. I'm sorry.
You really don't know me as well as you seem to think. I'm not a project to conquer. Just keep that in mind. We're close, good friends, but you don't know my past, making it impossible for you to make judgements on me and what i'm doing. So please don't.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
Stop it. You're being so completely pessimistic it's unbelievable.
You are surrounded by your son and your daughter AND you have friends.. We do try to make you happy.
Don't tell me that i'm resentful
Don't tell me i'm the reason you're depressed
You have no ****ing clue what i'm trying to deal with.. What i hide from you so it'll fool you into thinking i'm okay.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : *Might be SI triggering*
I lie to you all the time. You know when you asked me what the cuts on my arms were? They're not random scratches. And even if they weren't, would you care? Really?
I don't know who I'm angry at more. You or me. Me, for thinking it's for me when it could be for anyone. Or you. If I'm right, you're being as presumptious and stupid as ever. Don't give me reasons to. Don't give me reasons to be this way. Your speculations are ALWAYS wrong. You're always wrong about me. You don't know me, at all.
And I don't know you. We're strangers. Just like before. Completely oblivious to eachothers true selves. I don't care to know anymore. I raise the white flag, I give up.
I am so tired. So worn out. We've been friends for too long, we assume everything about eachother and seem to really know nothing anymore.
I'm so terribly sorry, but miserable people irritate me as of yet. Although I'm often one myself, ehe ehe.
I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with your negativity. I will eventually, but not know, not while shit's going on.
"Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feelin' is like a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid." "Yeah."
You're so absorbed in making sure that your life is always fun, always a party, 'live life in a dream', do what you want, when you want, don't think about the future...just live for the moment and enjoy it.
That's all well and good - but what i realised is, you don't care who you hurt to get that life. You don't care about anyone other that yourself.
I admire the way you live your life sometimes, i wish i could be that carefree - but the way i live my life is that...if everyone around me is happy...i'm happy, i'm content. Or try to be. I would always wish another person's happiness over my own - and maybe that why i'm finding all this so hard right now. Finding us hard. I only realised all this today - you're hurting me and you're pushing me away. I don't think you want this relationship anymore, i just think you can't be bothered to get out of it either. Stop treading on everyone else so you can have your perfect life - you won't be happy without friends. I love you. You say you love me too. So act like you do, please.
All I want to do is to give up on my one month 2 weeks free. I know you'd help if I told you, but I can't tell you. You'll probably see this anyways. I have no anonymity left from you anymore. Not that I mind, just sometimes I can't tell you everything. I hope you understand. Please. Understand?
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
I wish I had the courage to ring you. I can't believe we havent spoken since xmas... and now i'm scared about the next time I see you. I never thought i'd feel scared of seeing you... and I dont know if the reason i'm scared is because you'll be able to see how much of a mess i'm in when no one else can.
I think i'm more scared that you'll see and simply wont care. I hope I'm wrong... because I don't know what I'd do without you.
I've Been Dreaming For So Long
To Find The Meaning, To Understand
The Secret Of Life
Why Am I Here?
To Try Again
