This needs to stop.
I tried telling you.
This isn't fair.
I'm not hanging around for this anymore.
I'm not a toy, I'm a person.
And if you really cared, you'd show it.
I am so done with this.
I'm not falling all over you anymore.
It does hurt, and I'm not going to pretend it doesn't.
But I don't want to play some game.
I don't want to fight like that.
I don't want this shallowness.
I keep fucking waiting.
It shouldn't be this hard.
All I wanted was one special thing.
Just one. Just one to take everything back.
Just one to prove it.
This isn't good enough.
And I'm tired.
I've been walking back into this, and I give up.
You're selfish. You're using me.
I don't want you in my life anymore.
Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak.
Sometimes it just means you're strong enough to let go.
When will you ever be there for me when I need you the most?
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
The only reason I apologised is because my mother made me. I meant what I said in the first email I sent you. This is none of your goddamn business.
I am Andii. Spell me right, pretty please. ...I'd pay good money not to be ignored...
Warning: I steal purple. ...I'm feeling supersonic, give me gin-and-tonic, you can have it all, but how much do you want it...
Don't talk to me about my signature or I will put forks in you.
for fuck sake stop blowing up my phone dude. I get that you're concerned but back off a bit. you're overwhelming me.
~if you don't want to see your father then don't. you already know how I feel about it and constantly worrying about it daily isn't helping you.
~yes because it's obvious I lack empathy....which I don't...I love you, you're my little brother but do you have to be such a dickhead to me when I do show emotion? or when I don't? I can't help it!
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
So um yeah thanks for refusing to support me. Ended up in a complete state with x amount of stitches and only my knowledge and y and z's helping me kept me out of (psych) hospital, but it's absolutely fine that you were too tired to deal with me. I appreciate night shifts are tiring but it was only about 10/10:30 and I asked for help. I was really trying. And also how much fucking time have I put into helping you get the grades you need?? I didn't have to do any of that. But I did. So why can't you at least extend the courtesy of Doing Your Fucking job.
Last edited by Buttons. : 22-12-2014 at 06:50 PM.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Ha ha and it's just happened again. I really wonder why you are in this job. So the whole going over and 'utilising support' which everyone has been nagging me about and saying I don't do enough of went really well. Also I wasn't asking you. Bitch. I'm pretty sure M can speak for herself.... LIDSHglISGhS>J<gnSKJf,S
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Why can't you just accept my apology? Why can't you just let it go, and talk to me? You are the very best friend I have ever had, better than Casey, even. You certainly mean more to me than she does. Y'know, it was a fight. Friends fight, it just happens. It's okay, it's normal. What's not okay, is you cutting me out of your life and writing me off because I lost my temper.
You knew I was in a bad mood that night, but you kept fucking pushing me, you forced my hand. So, yeah, I was pissed off, and yeah. I said some things I shouldn't have put in that particular context. I'm not sorry for what I said, but I'm sorry about the way I said it. But you WERE being a bitch, and you WERE being a fucking hypocrite.
Every single person I have ever told about this situation has agreed that you're being a whiny baby. And I was right. But despite the fact that you took away your friendship - which says that you never really cared about me the way you said you did - I would come crawling back on my hands and knees if you finally decided to get back in touch with me. I try to pretend like I wouldn't, that I don't care anymore, and I'm over it, but in all honesty? I'm not. I do still care. And I hate you for this.
What the fucking fuck do I have to do to get your goddamn attention and hear me out? Die? Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. Having someone tell you I tried to off myself because of this whole thing, and see how it makes you feel. But I highly doubt you'd even fucking care.
So once again, I am made to feel like the bad guy, and you get to play the victim just like everyone else does when something bad happens between me and the other person. I'm the bad guy, I'm the evil bitch, I'm the one who should suffer, who should rot in hell, but you know what? YOU'RE a bitch.
Your friendship was one of the few things that kept me tethered, that kept me grounded, and now that it's gone? What am I supposed to do? You're the only person who understood me, you're the only person I could talk to, and now, because of a stupid fight, you ran away and regressed about ten years. And I hate you for it.
Jesus Christ, do I hate you. And yet, without you...Without you, I am nothing.
I am Andii. Spell me right, pretty please. ...I'd pay good money not to be ignored...
Warning: I steal purple. ...I'm feeling supersonic, give me gin-and-tonic, you can have it all, but how much do you want it...
Don't talk to me about my signature or I will put forks in you.
I didn't think you'd be back before I went to sleep, but you were. It was nice to have you back because I missed you, but it's made me really sad that you've gone straight in the other room to do wrapping without giving me cuddles first. I was prepared to fall asleep alone but I didn't anticipate having to do so if you got back while I was awake.
& you saying you want to leave at 6pm tomorrow too even though you don't need to pick J up until 11.30pm is a bit upsetting, seeing as you aren't bothering to come see me on Christmas day despite having a car. Christmas will be sad without you there.
Anyway, night. :(
I know the holidays can be tough, especially when you're depressed. But publicly threatening suicide on Facebook because your ex decided to go to the movies with the guy with whom she cheated on you is not cool at all. I'm thinking of you and I'm sure you'll pull through this like you always do, but honestly I found your actions rather childish, and slut-shaming, especially publicly slut-shaming your ex, is never okay. All the same, stay strong, and remember: your son needs you. Don't have him grow up linking Christmas with his father's destructive behaviour, let alone his father's suicide.
