Last night was horrible and I hope I never go through it again. I woke up in the night to go to the toilet and looked around my room and everything was alive. There were massive spiders, small skinny human creatures that crawled, there was rain coming out of my celining and figures coming out the wall. I was hallucinating really bad. Like the worst I ever have.
I was crying and screaming and the staff at the hostel had to call an ambulance.
After a long wait in a&e i had to beg not to be admitted. I was given some diazapam and sent home.
I saw my team today and they have decided that I need home treatment and some more benzos for the weekend.
Worst night ever!
I think I have a brain infection because my hallucinations have never been this bad before!
that must have been terrifying but i'm glad you are getting support to help you get through this.
Jodie - have you ever thought about trying a different anti-psychotic? As far as I'm aware you've only tried 1. It took me about 4 different anti psych meds before I found the right one.
However it the things you experience are not psychotic and more related to trauma I would say always checking with people is a good start to see if it's real. Grounding techniques can keep you in the moment.
Also talking about traumatic events help. I have mild PTSD and my therapist showed me a technique when you take the traumatic event and write an alternative (nicer) ending to in then you close your eyes (it's better to do it with someone you trust: therapist or partner) and play the trauma over in your head with the alternative ending. It's really hard and really triggering at first but once you get that alternative ending in to your head it gets easier and it will help to minimise flashbacks and other experiences related to the trauma like dissasisiation. Or a least it did for me.
*trigger warning - mention SA*
Basically when I was 16 I was raped in an ally when I was drunk and when I get flashbacks I see the event but I also feel the pain I was in down below from the forced intercourse.
What I did for my alternative ending was: I still walked down the ally with this guy. However once he started to touch me I pushed him up against the wall. As he hit the wall he starts to shrink and shrink untill he is tiny like a mouse. He didn't get the chance to cause me any pain because he started to shrink and could reach me with his dirty hands. Once he was tiny I stepped on him really hard so he felt pain. In some versions I kill him in others I just leave him in pain.
Your eyes are closed during this whole time so if you start the get panicky or upset you can open you eyes really quick and realise your in a room with someone you trust and the bad things aren't really happening.
I don't know maybe it is some thing you can try.
I think meds are really helpful but when it comes to trauma they do very little.
Sorry this was so long and a bit off the subject of psychsis. Hope it helped in some way.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Thanks tambo and whirlpool.
I think the government have put this infect in my head to kill me off. They have been playing with my thoughts (like taking them out of my head) for months now. They have no use for me (I'm on long term sick and no use to their country) so they have implanted an infection to finish me off.
I need a brain scan and antibiotics.
It not my hallucination will get so bad I won't know where I am (I did even recognise my own room yesterday). I will go crazy and either kill myself or the infection will eat at my brain till all the tissues dies and I fall into a coma.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Thanks tambo and whirlpool.
I think the government have put this infect in my head to kill me off. They have been playing with my thoughts (like taking them out of my head) for months now. They have no use for me (I'm on long term sick and no use to their country) so they have implanted an infection to finish me off.
I need a brain scan and antibiotics.
It not my hallucination will get so bad I won't know where I am (I did even recognise my own room yesterday). I will go crazy and either kill myself or the infection will eat at my brain till all the tissues dies and I fall into a coma.
has this infection been diagnosed by a doctor? I used to have problems around believing people were interfering with my thoughts but now I can see this isn't true. for me what helped was the right meds. are you on medication?
Yea I'm on quietapine, lithium, proparanolol and clonazepam at the moment.
This is different though. My psychosis doesn't usually present like this. I rarely hallucinate but resently (like the last 2 weeks) it's been every day and quite sever. There is definitly something wrong with my brain. Someone has tampered with it!
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
it could be new symptoms of your illness. I know mine varied over time and were different or worse at times. have you spoken to your psych or key worker about these experiences?
I told my cc that I thought it was an infection and she said that she can organise some tests. But brain infection can mess you up quick so I'm gonna tell HTT when they come in an hour because I think I need emergency treatment!!!
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
i've been hearing voices recently even with my medication... my nurse told me I should go to the ER if it happen to readjust my medication but i'm terrified, so I won't go. I hate this :(
“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them”
them increasing my medication or make me go to the psych ward again. my medication always messes up my progress in school so I decided to reduce it and my doctor agreed (but not my anti-psychotics, i take two kinds of anti-psychotics and still get psychosis, i feel like i'm immune to them or something). I'm scared they'll give stronger medicine. my doctor said she couldn't adjust my medication more, that it was strong enough. I'm scared.
“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them”
it sounds like they wouldn't increase your meds, from what your doc said. they might want to admit you but if you are able to co-operate then more intensive community support may be possible. how would that be?
here in the UK we have Crisis Teams, or Home Treatment Teams. they visit every day to see how you're getting on, supervise meds if that's needed and so on. their job is to do their best to keep people out of hospital.
