Thank you for talking to me last night.
You didn't get me in trouble. Promise.
Even if you did, i wouldn't care.
What you said means so much to me.
Your a true ispiration.
Thank you.
_________________
Yay! ...Thursday! Actually connot wait!
Looong over due, don't you think?
I've missed you.
I love you .x
I'm this close to giving up on us. I don't think you understand how much you hurt me. Like i said last night, i trust you 110% - but if you keep doing this, i'm going to start losing that trust.
Why aren't we working anymore. It's killing me, i still love you just as much - so all i can think is that you just don't love me. I just don't know.
I'm not here today. My body is here, they say I'm here, but I'm not. I'm out of my mind taking a vacation. That's the whole reason my report and my presentation are done. I can only do school work when my mind doesn't actually think about it. Weird, isn't it?
i want to tell you everything so bad!! i really do! but i don't want you to dislike me! i don't want you to change your mind about me...its not because i don't trust you because i do!
and YOU...i told you EVERYTHING i was going through and this is what u do to me! do you even know how unfair that was!? how it made me feel?? it makes me SICK and now what?? do you even freaking ask how i freaking am after i opened up EVERYTHING to you because you ASKED!!!?? if you didn't want to fucking know and you didn't want to fucking help me then why the hell did you fucking ask me what was going on and not tell me that you were going to tell everyone!? you made everything 100000x worse! i'm more miserable now than ever and its your fucking fault. and now you act like nothing EVER happened. you even said that you just didn't want to cross any boundaries and i told you not to worry about it and you still just left me hanging! i HATE YOU i just wish i could tell this to you to your face.
and YOU...ur supposed to love me and protect me! its your job! and instead you act like nothing ever happened, you act like it wasn't a big deal and then you MAKE FUN OF IT!!! and you say things to me that make me feel like less than shit! do you know how much that hurt me? i love you when you treat me good but i resent you for what you've said to me that hurt so bad
It happened hun. I have no idea how hard it is to know that and feel that, but it did. It must be so so hard to admit, but it is better that way. You can deal with it then, it won't go away if you pretend it's gone. Let someone in. Let them help. Anyone.
This isn't something I can't say to you. I would. But I pester. So here you may read it, you may not. I hope you do.
Take care, you're worth a million plus one of him and anyway who tries to pull you down.
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
I am not in love. Nor will I ever be again. Leave me be.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
I had all these plans. All these wasted plans. It's no loss for me though, don't worry, all the plans were for you, not me. It's no skin off my neck. It wasn't for me. Disappointed.
I guess maybe it was just inevitable. In fact, I know it was. Of course it was. I always knew it was. Lftm. Maybe that's just what it was all along. Not such a cop out. Hey, in a couple of years we can look back. As individuals. And we can look and see who lost in the end. Or whether, at the end of the day, it was all worth it anyway. I really hope it was.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
I've waited all day for you to reply to my myspace message...I feel so pathetic
You're a star the way you are
You know you're not fooling anyone, no
You got the eyes of an angel
Don't try to change, yeah
Everybody's got their scars
Nevermind how ugly they are
No matter what they tell you
You're beautiful the way you are
"You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh"
im sorry you have to deal with me, i love you so much it hurts and you can't even look at me... i miss you, i miss your confort and your safety and how you make me smile.... but i know you will never love me again... i just need you in my life.
The only reason I'm even writing this is to stop myself texting you, or facebooking you or whatever. I do have a tendency to escalate things in my head. But I feel like you're either bored with me, or you've seen the real me and don't want to be friends any more, or you think I like you. Which would be rich to say the least after Saturday's display. I don't understand how you can go from saying you love me, to completely ignoring me in a matter of days, when nothing's changed.
OK so we spent a lot of time together that you might not necessarily have chosen, but that's what happens when you have mutual friends. I can't help it if people invite me along. And to be fair, you did as well.
I was angry at you for ignoring me, and pulled open a CD case to burn something, and what was there but my Easter present CD. I opened the disc drive and what was there but the CD you got me for my birthday. You're everywhere.
I just want us to go back to being such good friends again. I loved being able to text you about anything and everything. And your random little Chas and Dave texts. Snooker Loopy came on my ipod today and I burst out laughing. I hate feeling like I can't tell you these little things for fear of you being crowded.
I just don't know what I've done wrong. And so much else is going to shit, and like. This was a positive new thing in my life.
Please get your shit together. It's up to you to get in touch now.
What the fuck, seriously, what the FUCK???
You have no right to make me feel guilty, no right! I have no idea why I'm getting depressive spells and I'm SICK of people trying to analyse me to find out. No one knows; I've dealt with that so for YOU to tell ME that You might be able to work it out if I 'opened up more' really takes the piss and when I then tell you that I've accepted that no one will ever know, for you to start going off at me asking if I know how hard this is for you. FOR YOU. Do you know how hard this is for ME? I've pretended it's not to shut you up but this really takes the piss. I've every right to put you through everything this shit has put me through. Up yours mother. I wont miss you when I'm gone.
