I thought about you a lot today.
I really miss you.
I miss talking to you.
You make me feel so warm and comforted.
You haven't failed to make me smile or laugh once yet.
That's just ...wow!
So few people can do that these days.
You are the one keeping me here.
Thank you.
Last edited by Jelly Head : 22-03-2008 at 11:14 PM.
You came online for the first time in months. I tried to talk to you but you went off again. I called you. Wrong number? I called again. Phone switched off. This is getting silly. I haven't seen you since November. I still have your birthday and christmas presents. Why won't you talk to me? What have I done? I still get worried you'll forget our pact, kill yourself and I won't know. I need you more than ever. "you saved my soul, don't leave me now". I doubt you come on here anymore but in case you do - Callum I love you, please talk to me again. I miss you
You're a star the way you are
You know you're not fooling anyone, no
You got the eyes of an angel
Don't try to change, yeah
Everybody's got their scars
Nevermind how ugly they are
No matter what they tell you
You're beautiful the way you are
"You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh"
I wish to god when i told you could i come to you, that you said yes.
You all just pushed me so far away, that im too scared to say anything now, and i feel like i cant, i know all of you ment well but you dont know how it affected me. Your trying to take my recovery and put it in your own hands, but you cant, because it has to be my own choice no one elses, and i dont like to feel blackmailed, like i have no control over the situation.
I cant talk to you anymore, and im sorry, im so fucking sorry im ill, its ruining everyones lifes again.
im just scared and i cant even talk to anyone
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I feel so lost and I am SO sorry. I feel, but I'm afraid its not real and I'm afraid who I feel for, is just a figment of my imagination. I want to scare you away. I want you both away so that I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't have to worry and wonder when I'm going to be destroyed and left alone and broken... it will already be that way and maybe then, I can deal. Maybe then I'll just take my life, I really don't know but what I do know is that I'm terrified. I don't trust and I fear every moment that any small amount of happiness I feel is fake and just the calm before the storm. I can't live the rest of my life worrying and being afraid. I need to fix myself somehow... I just wish someone would show me how....
"I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen."
I hate you.
Yep. I hate you so much I hate myself- I told you not to call me until tomorrow, or the day after, because that would just be it.
So what do you f***ing do?! Call me again, and again- and argue the same stupid f***ing point.
Tell you what, don't bother calling me again, cos I'm sick of wasting my time on scum like you.
I wish i could tell you how obsessed i am with you. I don't know why it happens. I really wish i knew.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
You wankers.
Its always me isn't it. Always me that's criticised or wound up, that has one of her easter eggs taken in exchange for one she she doesn't like and now has two of because the prized son doesnt want two rolo eggs. Heaven forbid. And oh great now I feel ungrateful. But its always me isn't it. always me.
Nobody even gives a damn in this family, they're only concerns are that I get through life with a good few qualifications under my belt so I can sod off and live on my own.
I'm a total co dependant fuck up and has serious issues going out and doing things on her own when theres a seriosu probability of screwing up. Thats the child you've raised. I apoligise for being so shite.
Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you and now this has happened. Can't you see how much this is fucking me up? Or did you never really care in the first place?
My RYL Family: xXx_Dying2BePerfect_xXx is my adoptive mum. CrimsonTears and Field Of Paper Flowers are my big sisters; Void_Walker is my big brother, poison is my little brother, Cakey is my aunt, ickle-baybee-stacey and miss understud are my daughters.
.....I'm smiling like there is nothing wrong. I'm talking like everything's perfect. I'm acting like it's all just a dream. And pretending he's not hurting me....
God Mother: rainey little sis: gwen monkey of eternal sunshine: miss understud big sis: dereksarah
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Theyare plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope- Jeremiah 29:11
1. I am so sorry I failed you.
Words can't even explain how much I wish it was different.
I wish it was me.
You don't deserve it.
I know you'll get through it.
I want to see you, I want to hug you.
I know it'll help me but it should be about you.
I'm so sorry for being a selfish failure of a 'best friend'.
2. I don't want to tell you anything.
You don't need it and neither do I.
But, I want her to know who I am.
Her, not you.
Even though she could do without it.
I feel better talking to her than you.
You were right.
But no one should know who I am.
my candle burns at both ends
it will not last the night
but ah my foes
and oh my friends
it gives a lovely light!
I may be woeful to be around, but you could at least tell me to my face rather than leaving rediculous insinuations in your myspace profile. How pre-teen of you.
Kalsang, it aint never gunna work.
I would give you the world and my heart in a jar if I could change the way things are, but life doesn't work like that. I'm probably never gunna go to Manc and I'm never going to meet you. You will always be my invisible alcoholic internet bud. Nothing more. I'm sorry.
anyone:
tomorrow I don't plan to eat particularly much, nor any day after that. I'm sick of who I am and how I look. Things have got to change and this is the only way I can see forward.
Fuck you you fucking slut. You're a goddamn liar and a fucking bitch. You have the hide to say I'm mental. Look at yourself, you're the one with the issues you skank. If I ever come within 100 miles of me I'm going to fucking kill you. You go around doing unrepairable damage to everyone and then play the victim. Your not the fucking victim you scrag. You are emotionless piece of white trash.......you're not even a human being. You are the scum of the earth. Please tell me you are dead now you dumb little whore. I hope you died of AIDS because that's what you desperately deserve. Please tell me your dead so I can let my dog shit on your grave you fucking gutter trash.
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered never know"
-Pinned to a noticeboard at the US Command Post in Khe Sanh.
I'm not sure we should be doing this.
You see, I've never been in this situation before, I've never been a kind of "sex buddy" and funnily enough the title does not entice me...because we both know theres too many emotions and such between us for this to keep working.
Dan, this is a total mindfck, I really love you darling, but I let you go, and it was so hard, and now I'm so torn, because you say you miss me and you really love being with me but you cant do the commitment and you cant do this and that and you know what I just keep wondering whether you're just in it for the sex but god knows, I know you better than that...I hope you'd never do that to me.
Stop acting like we're a couple when you know we're not. christ.
i want a lighter. just let me buy one so i can burn myself. why not? its not that big of a deal, why do you make it sound like its such a bad thing? i do it at work all the time, JUST LET ME BUY ONE!
----------------------------------------------- Middle of nowhere
Finally I can breathe
Nobody knows my name
It's easier.
I like you, I really like you, so much that I can't even tell you because it will fuck things up. What you did just now hurt, truly hurt. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it did. I was just trying to cheer you up because you were upset. I'm sorry that you are upset and that I can't fix that. I really wish I could.
P.S. I'll talk to you in a week or so, I've got some things I have to take care of.
