Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
I really don't want to be doing uni anymore.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
I know you dont understand. But I just wish you'd try. I'm doing my best, I honestly genuinely am tryin my hardest. I don't want to go back to how it was. I don't want things to be that bad again. I want to rebuild some of my relationships with friends and family. But if only you could just try and help me a little. Not even that, if only you wouldnt make it harder! I'd like for us to get on, but if nothing changes I'll have to get myself away from you. Because what I've realised is I have to make it all about me surviving. I can't carry anybody else and stay afloat too, Im not strong enough for that now. If Im going to make a go of my life I have to put myself first. And your behaviour induces Panic attacks for me...and you make it all about yourself that Im being irritable at you and you dont like it.... well dont stress me out, dont push me to do things Im not ready too, dont make me anxious, and I'll be able to stay calm. But the moment you start push push pushing me I cant handle it and I freak out and when Im in that state of mind I cannot control my emotions...so yeh I probably am a bitch to you. But once Im in anxiety attack I honestly find it impossible to control myself. If you didnt push me into one in the first place none of it would happen... why cant you see that??? Look at me now, youre in a huff and Ive poured myself a large rum and Im going to have a smoke.... I dont want to go back to this. I hate it. But equally anyone who is going to be around me needs to be just that little bit gentle or this is how it always will play out for me. You thinking Im a bitch. Me having a panc attack and then a stiff drink. I need you to help me break the cycle. And if you cant...well then I cant be around you cos its not good for me. And I want to try and get better. I want to survive. I wanna have kids some day.
Im sorry but this is just the way I am. If I had a physical disability and couldnt walk or something you wouldnt try and force me to climb the stairs. Dont try and force me or push me with things I cant handle because of my mental health either.
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
Thanks a lot for laughing at me, I'm killing myself by trying to keep up with you lot because I don't want to ruin the holiday. I know 'it's just a teddy' and it was an accident but she was comforting me a lot and it's not okay that you laughed at me now that's been taken away because you ruined her.
I wish you could come and get me.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Thanks a lot for laughing at me, I'm killing myself by trying to keep up with you lot because I don't want to ruin the holiday. I know 'it's just a teddy' and it was an accident but she was comforting me a lot and it's not okay that you laughed at me now that's been taken away because you ruined her.
I wish you could come and get me.
*hugs*
-----------------
[I wish nobody cared.]
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
Why can't it be me?
Why can't I be the one who finds someone and settles down? I
s it ever going to be my turn?
I really hope this doesn't blow up in my face.
Please please please help me.
I've been feeling bad for a while now. I haven't told anyone, but I can feel it spiralling. Someone said to me once that my scars and my personality don't match, like they're from two different people, and that brought home how much of a liar I've become.
You're responsible for my inevitable end! I hope you realize that you piece of shit! Have fun explaining to my family what you did to me. Have fun looking into their eyes and trying to justify how you treated me and how you put me in the ground. Also, our mutual friends will learn what you did too. Good luck keeping those friends! Don't worry you're certainly not alone. You're just the straw that broke the camel's back. I hope you suffer once I'm gone. Everyone will know who you are and what you did.
oh and by the way GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Last edited by CaptainB2 : 29-07-2012 at 01:36 AM.
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Sod off.
You know what? You never really wanted to talk to me tonight, and I don't mind that you want to talk to the girl you like, just don't leave me hanging on the other side feeling like a bloody third wheel over skype for fucks sake.
I don't think you will come out of the haze you're in.
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
