I wish we were financially better off
I never wanted to be in a situation where money is a worry. I really want our son to have everything he needs and us too. Our wedding needs sorted and now im panicked. I never wante an overthetop wedding but I did want it to be special and fun! I feel like I have messed up and the money issue is my fault. I can't work and now I don't get benefits it's up to u. That's not fair!
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
I'll understand when you walk away, I promise I will, I know I'm not worth it. I'm sorry that you barely know the start of my issues, but I don't pretend or put on a face, maybe I am happier than I've been in a while, maybe I'm not putting on a face.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
"As long as I know it's a need, not a want, I'll do it."
Oh really? And who's going to be the judge and jury of that? You? Why does everything I say need to be explained, negotiated for? Why do I have to practically get out my defense attorney suit for every boundary and request?
I am right in the middle of all this. I know better than anyone what I need. The things I ask are reasonable requests. I can't believe even after all I've done and how much I've grown up, you can't trust that I know what I want and need.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
I'm tempted not to take my malaria pills when I go. In the sick hope maybe I get the disease and don't make it. I know it's very unlikely in the first place, but still... I don't really want to keep going...
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I wish it hadn't been a year... and I wish you had never ever been in my life from the start. I knew you were a mistake. You wanted me. You were obsessed. But you were a desperate little girl. You still are. Best time of my life cutting you all off.
I'm sorry I can't feel the way you feel about me. I want to give you everything you deserve and more. I want to give you what want.. But I can't help but shrink away from your touch.
Grow the fuck up and stop being such an ungrateful little swine before I lose it. You've no idea what we've gone through, especially our parents, to actually get here. You're doing my fucking head in.
I miss you. I hope nothing changes this week, I hope you carry on missing me too. I wish you could have come with me.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
I'm sorry it's come to this but it's the only way.
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
It's never about what I want. It never has been and somehow I made that ok but guess what it's not ok. I don't matter to you, my wants and needs are less important than yours. I just want to matter and be loved but it's not about what I want and that sucks.
You probably don't understand, most people don't. You will never understand how much anger, how much self-hatred someone must have to take a razor to themselves and cut into their own skin.
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