I feel like I'm giving up with this, an in a sense I know it's bad but in reality I feel relieved because of these other things. I know I don't make much sense, but I feel I can.
I am pissed off at you and should not be.
I'm sorry.
But you have been here for two nights and all she did was go and talk to your dad with you.
Which I said that I didn't mind doing and you refused.
So both of you are going out for drinks with your dad and once again, I've been dumped.
I doubt anyone will actually come visit me in hospital.
Because obviously I'm good for nothing.
Worthless peice of shit.
Who everyone just dumps when it suits them.
Fuck it all.
Thart is the last time I pick anyone up at 4 in the morning.
Last time I'm ever there for my friends.
But it's not.
Because I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Because I'm just way to nice for my own fucking good.
I need to start being a complete douche.
Because I only ever end up getting hurt.
Basically just being used for my kindness.
What the actual fuck?
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I want very much something that I cannot have.
It would be the right thing for me, but I'm just too far entwined. It's not about what is best for me any more. If it ever was.
I actually want to look after myself because I can't physically bear this anymore, but I can't. I can't, I can't. It's too late and will never be the right time again.
I don't know what it was that made me re-read those texts tonight.
I don't know why I still haven't deleted them.
I don't know why I still miss you.
I don't know why I fucked it all up.
All I know is I'm sorry.
You said you would never give up on me, you promised.
I guess I'm just not worth it.
What happened to us?
I don't understand.
All I know is I'm sorry.
Why the hell did you think it was ok to say that to me? It really really wasn't. But really I'm more annoyed at how much its upset me and how pathetic I am.
i miss you still, been 4 years, and you are still on my mind. You always will be. i can still see the abuse you did to me. but my mind pushes that away and only brings back good memories, im sorry im such a fuckup that you couldnt handle.
J: i am so confused about how i feel about you, i want a sexual relationship, but you are also like a brother and best friend. i dont want to ruin that. but in all honesty, i really do love you.
N. I loved you but i blew my chances, i waited along time to finally give into you but you eventually rejected it, i wish i could go back in time and realize how much you mean to me, i wish you could love me as much as i love you,
WHAT THE FUCK. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE?! YOUR PATHETIC STEALING MY CLOTHES?! JUST BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING CRACKHEADWHORE,, I THOUGHT I'D LOST THOSE TOPS BUT YOU'D STOLE THEM?!!!!! I KNOW THEIR MINE, THE FUCKING SIZE OF GIVES IT AWAY, YOUR A FAT BITCH WHO WEARS 3 TIMES MY SIZE YOU STUPID COW. FUCK YOU! dsklgjnsdklgnsdklgdklndsgknldsg
If I were sew "It's all my fault" across my forehead would that suffice to reassure that I know already? You don't need to tell me. I know I am responsible for this.
Someone always has to take the blame
Turning out this fading light with no shame
But after all the roses fall
Remember, to look away
