And y, I feel so unbearably pathetic and whiny compared to you. Please tell me you don't think I'm an utter drip, and evil for being so selfish?
Yes, yes, I will indeed post here instead of asking you directly, because that's clearly the mature thing to do.
You keep telling me that I am not a nuisance but I am positive that I am and I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said what I did - and I will apologise to you again if I see you tomorrow. I hope that I can see you tomorrow, it's kind of sad, but I've missed talking to you!
I HATE you. You've ruined my whole evening by not returning that call and now I won't speak to you when you call me back so you know how it feels. COW.
Will you please stay away from me? I see you everywhere. I don't know... maybe I'm just paranoid, but it's freaking me out. Especially considering the past. Then that phone call, and other things you said. It's just so weird to me. Why now. You stopped talking to me months ago. I want nothing to do with you anymore, okay? I'm starting a record of the days and circumstances where I see you... it was recommended on a page I read for stalking victims.
...would you hurt me?
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to pretend everything is going well and I'm nearly all better and give you all the bull crap about having a life.
I'll email you eventually, just back off.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
So far away from knowing where I am going
I am trying hard to find out who I am
They all say that I don't know what I am doing
I say they don't hardly understand
Why can't they remember
What I'll never forget
How these dreams can come undone
When you're young
You give what you give cause they make you Trapped inside a place that won't take you
And they want you to be what they make you
It's already over and done
When you're young
Days never seem longer
They say it's better this way I hope one day I am stronger than I feel
And I hope that it feels different than today
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I tried, but it's too hard not to feel really low, and really good about myself, my life, my position, my past and my destiny. I just really hate myself, and it makes sense why. I guess I'll never, ever be happy in this world.
Is it sad that i am reaching out indirectly because I know if I reach out directly, you will just not listen?
~Matt~
Susanna Kaysen: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Sonia Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna Kaysen: I don't care.
Dr. Sonia Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna Kaysen: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Man I really feel like crap. I just wish i had someone besides myself to talk to, just so that i could get rid of all these thoughts in my head. but i'm too much of a freak to have any friends in real life.
I'm sorry I'm so selfish. I'm sorry you feel belittled. I'm sorry you think I don't listen or try. I'm sorry I don't do enough. I'm just sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any pain.
We have noticed as of late that this thread is being used for people to bitch and snipe at other members of the community, it has reached such a level that we are unable to moderate it efficiently. People seem to think that the rules do not apply in this thread, or that if they try and leave it anonymous, no one will know who/what they are talking about.
Therefore, (and trust us, this is a last resort), we are closing this thread for a month. Once it has been re-opened, if there is any hint of the same sort of activity, we will permanently remove this thread and all threads mimicking it.
Please note that anyone that continues this behaviour in their rants or elsewhere in the forum will receive infractions instantly.
Thank you Squirrelspit. Hopefully this topic can stay open because I do enjoy posting little blurbs here for things that don't deserve a full blog post. Please don't abuse the privilege of posting here folks. <3
Otherwise, here's my latest thought:
The other day I was listening to Jack's Mannequin and I heard a lyric that reminded me of a situation I got myself in about a year ago.
I looked back on it and realized. I need to stop being mad at myself, and instead of looking back at those moments with negativity, to be happy that those situations happened. Because honestly? Those moments were the happiest I'd ever been. And it's just not good to harbor bad negative emotions. I've moved on, I've been moved on for a while. But it's good to finally feel acceptance from myself. It's nice.
When I'm gone, are you gonna miss me? Are you even listening? Do you even care about anything at all?
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=36ca0df06d422d2891999bdc102c5366&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
