I'm not sure I can carry on doing this. I honestly don't know who I am.
I don't know when it happened, but I'm suddenly aware I can hear things that others can't, someone was speaking to me on the train the other day and there was no one around me. What the fuck was that all about? all they said was my name, but how do they know that? Who told them.
I'm not listening to them, they can leave me alone. I have to be ok to get the train to my friends next weekend, they can't have me in a state when they arrive.
I miss my dad so much, I saw him on thursday and it was such a nice day, but then I had to come home to my mum and that wasn't so nice. I should not have to feel guilty for my own actions.
A & I - I'm so sorry..I really, really wanted to keep it together so that I could be a good friend for you both. I love you so much. I wish I was stronger. I'm really sorry.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't care what you say I'm always here for you, okay? It's going to be alright, I promise. You need me and I'm here... I'm not going anywhere. <3
I'm like an emotional prostitute. I let people fill me up with their problems in exchange for some company for a few hours, or just a chat. Because people wouldn't want me around otherwise. It's why most of the people I call my friends never want anything to do with me unless they're unhappy. But hey, why not just take on their problems? I'm basically an empty shell, gotta fill me up somehow. And besides, listening to other people's problems is the only time I feel useful. Or loved. Or wanted.
The funny part is, I can always tell when people are holding back, and that scares me even more than when they open up to me.
C.T. - You're assumptions about me are really annoying to me. To assume my issues come from me being male is quite, well annoying. Also my depression isn't caused by my lack of structure, my lack of structure is caused by my depressive moods. Getting me into a working environment isn't going to magically make me feel better, I though that with college it would and guess what I ended up 8 assignments behind and had to work through most of the summer holidays.
I need to stay off the Internet drunk. Everything I do - worlds biggest c*ck in written. In other notes paranoia has kicked in again since stopping meds. Have the urge to bleed everywhere and shout ha--ha. Not going back to therapy decided.
Watch.me.self.destruct
Won't lie-- I'm kinda disappointed. Can understand to an extent... just wish it was a little more personal.
*sighs* I need to learn to quit wishing/thinking/hoping for stuff. I'm only going to disappoint myself.
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
Thanks for once again making me feel like I'm good for nothing. Why can't I just tell you to leave me alone? Why am I being so nice when you just treat me like some play thing.
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=36ca0df06d422d2891999bdc102c5366&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
![[Luna] is offline](images/ca_morpheus_blue/statusicon/user_offline.gif)
