I have to pretend to be happy because its Christmas - but yet on the other side of things Im literally walking on thin ice to a hospital admission, Crisis team just asked me again about admitting me to hospital
haven't been thinking about you that much overall lately, but for some reason keep feeling like talking to you....:/ but i know I will once again be ignored.
why do i keep having this nagging feeling saying "message him" what the hell. why not? D:
:P I'll just be ignored anyway.
hmmmmmmmmm here goes?
maybe...
i had more to say, but now i can't think of it...
well i'm pretty alone right now. all i have in this city is my boyfriend and roommate. fucking bastard gay "best friend" ditched me to go live with his boyfriend. well fuck you dylan. fuck you. didn't even say goodbye.
see? everyone just fucking leaves me.
as long as my boyfriend doesnt....not any time soon anyway. :(
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
You have no idea how much it hurts me that you haven't once asked how I am. Why do I not matter to you? You have NO idea how difficult all of this is for me, I'm sorry I'm not your perfect little girl anymore.
You haven't changed a bit- hence why I left. Being around you is such a big trigger. Flashbacks, memories, maybe a bit of nostalgia... it's driving me crazy. Just kinda want to break down, and there wouldn't be any directly apparent reason for it.
---
Was just reading over some stuff from a while back. Gah, it's been a while. I really do hope you've been ok and that you've managed to hang in there despite what you had going on. Wish I could be sure you're alright :/ *sighs* Wish that hadn't been deleted. Miss you, no matter what you'd say.
Last edited by lonely_hope : 25-12-2011 at 06:53 AM.
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
You've chosen to get drunk instead of coming to see your son on Christmas day, so I'm sat consoling him because he thinks he doesn't matter to you. You sir, are a prize knobhead and I hope you're ashamed of yourself.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
It's not in my make up to dislike others, even those with whom I have the right to dislike. But for the 4 of you, I hold no good feeling towards. You are all selfish, arrogant, self righteous snobs who treat "weak" people like me, as dirt. I wish I had never met any of you. I wish I was never born.
Been thinking of you today. I'm still not sure what I wish for you. For you to get your comeuppance, or all the happiness in the world (nothing in between of course, bloody splitting :p).
Even though you brought out a wicked side to me I hadn't seen before, you also made me who I am, and being with you changed me for the better.
I doubt I'll ever know what went so wrong between us, and seeing those jpgs still stings, but I hope soon it will pass, and I'll be able to look back fondly on what we had. We're already a little beyond the bitter stage, and we're able to laugh at some of the great times and memories you gave us.
So I think, for now, I wish you every happiness. Whatever you're doing today, I hope it's a good one.
There's something bad inside of you, and it's destroying the pureness of your heart and I hope they can help you find the true you, that I know is there. Good luck my dear.
i dont know where you are J.
and i cant even wish you a happy christmas, because i know it wont be.
no one apart from the bastards that kidnapped you even know if you are still alive.
i still remember the last thing you said to me before you went on holiday, 'i will come and visit you in your new place when i get back'
but you havnt come back J.
you were kidnapped from Kenya in September, last anyone heard, you were passed on to another Somalian gang, and you had a bad fever. we havnt heard anything since October, nothing in the news at all now.
i miss you J. you are amazing.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm feeling really low. I wish I knew why.
My head is throwing 'your mum doesn't even want you at Christmas' thoughts at me, and it's hard to take.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
