I don't know where to go from here

[Charlie051]

So I'm sorry for the rant that's ahead but I need to somehow get it out of me and maybe talk to someone, perhaps there's some home of feeling better.

I was on this website a few years ago for a long time, and it's been a while but all I can think of to do now is to come back.

Yesterday my girlfriend left me after three years, not that it's the first time she dumped me like the rubbish I probably am.
Anyway.. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've dealth with depression and anxiety for so long, and have managed to keep some sort of stability, at least having the love of my life getting through it with me. And now I just got thrown away again like I never meant anything, just like with everyone else because I guess my flaws and how messed up I am is just too much.

I'll never be good enough for anyone, and I can never love anyone that way again. I feel so worthless and alone. And terrified. I'm so scared to have lost everything.. the anxiety is too much. It hurts too much to breathe.. all I can think of is relapsing.. something to just fix it. I have to work almost every single day for most of the Summer so as much as it may be a distraction it's an even more exhausting thought right now.

I don't want to go back into therapy after finally getting out. And I'm scared if I go for help it'll ruin my career. I can never have the hospital as a back up now without things getting ruined.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or it's stupid.. I know there are worse problems. I just don't know where to turn to anymore

[Cpt_Stunning]

It does make sense, you mention breathing, & that's what it's about, anxiety, unfortunately I know all about it.

I found a phrase that's 'If you think positive, positive things will happen to you', it works.

[Charlie051]

I've been trying to breathe, distract anything I can think of. You're definitely right about being positive, and I try so hard but sometimes I get a moment of relief and then it all comes crashing back onto me. I'm always scared waiting for that feeling to return and I'm so tired of trying to fight it off. All the bad has been creeping back in this last year and its suddenly too much again

[nonperson]

Hi Charlie. I can empathise as I went through this a couple of years ago and a lot of what you have said is exactly the sort of thing I could have written/still write about myself. So I do understand.

It's all very fresh for you seeing as it happened only yesterday but try not to panic. Your emotions will settle a little once you get over the initial shock and then hopefully you can think a bit more clearly and make some positive plans for what you want to do next.

I can tell you for a fact that relapsing (I assume you mean SH?) won't fix anything.

Is there anything you learned from therapy before that might help you now?

[Charlie051]

I know that's whats supposed to happen but I just don't feel like it will. It's hard to explain but its too different to anyone ive been with and it was like a switch went off.. not even gradual. I don't understand how I'm suddenly so easy to never see again.
Yeah that was what I meant and I know it won't really help :(
Im not sure.. to be honest my therapist had once told me something to help me get over my first love and wait for a better one.. but that came around and she left too so now I'm not sure whats left.
I sound so pathetic going on about relationships when others have much worse problems

[one_step_closer]

How are you doing? Losing anything special leaves feelings of grief just the same as if someone had died. Grief is a process and you can move through this. I know it's hard but be kind to yourself and do any safe things that soothe you.