So this is silly and I think I just need a kick up the bum and someone to tell me to stop being stupid!
I'm really struggling with taking meds at the moment. I haven't been taking them every day or I've been taking a lower dose some days. I know that's not ideal and I should sort myself out but every night it's a real fight with myself to just take them.
It's silly, because in general I don't have strong feelings about medication. Lots of people take it and if it helps then that's great. But when it comes to me, I massively overthink it.
Partly I'm kind of hoping that if I don't take my lithium but keep taking my AD then my mood will go high. Which is stupid because even if that DID happen, it's a terrible idea and I don't really want to do anything to jeopardise the stability I have at the moment. And partly I just have issues with taking meds because I feel like any positive effects aren't 'real' and I should be able to manage without them.
But I know that when I just randomly stop them things generally go tits up. How do you keep taking them when you really don't want to?
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
In all seriousness though, please don't stop taking them. Can you communicate your worries to your CC or GP?
It's good that you can identify that your mood going high isn't a great idea, try to keep remembering that the stability is much better. You also know that when you stop them things don't work out so good either, so it's good to not do that.
You don't feel negatively about any of us who take medication, so you don't need to feel that way about yourself. What would you say if we thought the positive effects aren't real and should be able to manage by ourselves?
You do a great job with managing things, and there's no shame in needing medication to help you to live well. Lots of people have medication for physical illnesses that they need to take to be able to do things and they can't help it. The meds don't put thoughts or feelings into your head, they can just help you to be able to think clearly - its YOU and your own brain that makes the positive thoughts and feelings and that is definitely real.
If all else fails... sticker reward chart: two weeks of full medication = one crocheted cute animal in the post!
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
No kicking but gentle nudges. I'm having struggling with this too at the moment so not sure how much use I'll be!! I don't know if this will help with your shift work but I have a couple of alarms to prompt me to take my meds. I find it a lot hard to take them if I ruminate as to whether or not I should take them.
I struggle to take meds and I recently did something which DBT suggests and that is doing a list of the Pros and Cons of taking the meds and then a Pros and Cons list of not taking the meds.
I did the lists and then I showed it to a good friend and asked them if they could think of pros and cons. It really helped.
The major pro of taking meds is that they keep you well and out of hospital. Plus if you don't take the meds you could end up sectioned and very poorly.
I know it's a complete **** having to take meds but I do hope you take them.
Sometimes people have to do things they don't like. I don't know anyone who particularly likes taking meds and it's necessary bc the alternative is worse.
Although mania can be fun in some ways that stage is very quick. Try and remember the **** it causes and how uncomfortable it gets and how much you can't function etc.
I think here thinking about your priorities might help. Do you want to prioritise not being well or following your treatment plan to be well?
Please keep taking your meds, they keep you well. Lithium isnt something to mess around with as it'll send your blood levels all weird. Can you think of it as self care? Just part of your routine like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I have an analogy in agreement with ariennette. Yes life has stuff in it that we all have to do but we don't have to like. The example I use is that I really don't like stopping at traffic lights. It interrupts the flow of my driving and delays me. However if the light is red and I decide not to stop it potentially causes a whole bunch of other problems which are way more serious, very risky and involve a bunch more people.
I have to use this example nearly every day when it comes to meds for myself especially when I feel stable and am functioning well, because I resent having to take meds to maintain that. However if I don't and I get worse again that sets my whole life and recovery back a long way.
Thanks everyone, I'm really grateful for the replies and I have been trying to take what you've said on board.
I haven't really been managing it that well and have been skipping days. I know it's stupid. I feel fine though so I keep thinking that means it would be fine to just stop them altogether but I know it doesn't work like that! I feel like the lithium has affected my energy and motivation and I'm better without it. But it might not even be that. I know when I've had really bad periods before it's taken me quite a long time to get back to functioning 'normally' so maybe it's that. Or maybe I'm just lazy haha. But realistically I am actually functioning really well, just not as well as I would like!
I will try setting alarms and trying to make it just part of my routine. At the moment I'm spending too much time obsessing about it and really I would rather get back to just getting on with it.
I might try and bring it up with my CC. I haven't been seeing her very long and we generally just chat about random crap but she's really nice so it might be worth trying to talk it through with her.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
