Help ?

[chinahorse]

I found my tools. I want to self harm so badly. I feel like an addict I am an addict.

Im IP during the week Come home on weekends.

I dont feel safe.

I NEED to self destruct.

[chinahorse]

please anyone? I know I give no support but please?

[Sketchy]

Would you be able to get rid of the tools? You know it's hard.

Is there someone you can phone so you have someone to talk to and are distracted?

Could you discuss with your team a plan of action for weekends, and ways of staying safe?

I'm so sorry your are struggling Lillie. I hope you can get through this.

[chinahorse]

thank you so much for replying

my hospital tried to call me twice today bt im so stressed over my friend that I couldnt answer. the plan was thatt Id visit my brother but he turned out to be busy and the weather ruined my other plans

I know I should get rid of my tools but that means Im choosing a life without self harm and I dont know if I wnat that

Ive phoned my dad and put on some candles and mindless tv and had a cuppa and am doing some colouring im really trying

[Sketchy]

You are trying and you are doing really well with trying distractions.

If you can't get rid of your tools could you maybe hide them?

It's good you phoned your dad and that you are doing some colouring. Could you maybe write a list of distractions and keep it nearby, so that when you are struggling it's there to give you ideas?

[chinahorse]

My tools are in a little pot in a draw. So they are out of sight.

Thats a good idea and doing that will be a distraction in of itself.

[Bellatrix]

Why don't you want a life without self harm?

[chinahorse]

Because of the high

[Epicene]

I just wanted to say that by getting rid of your tools you're choosing to keep safe right now, not forever. So if the idea of committing to a whole life without self harm feels like too much, just commit to a weekend without self harm and deal with the future as it happens (I'm aware that advice is very anti DBT but if it keeps you safe until you know whether or not you want self harm in your life then what the hell).

[chinahorse]

I didn't manage to get rid of them but I didn't use them.

It's not fair. I just want to self harm. B did and didn't have a management meeting. G is self harming by not eating every day in front of our eyes. E is purging multiple times a day and that's allowed.

I just want to cut a little. I want to get better more than I want to cut. But I m not getting better here despite trying.

[Faustus]

I just wanted to say well done for not cutting. I know how hard it is.

[Sketchy]

Well done on not cutting. I know how hard that is. Focus on wanting to get better. It can happen. It's just a frustratingly long process. You can do it.

[Bellatrix]

Trynot to get too bogged down by what other people are doing. They're making their own choices. You are the one who decides what path you take.

[Epicene]

You will get something out of this treatment and getting better has so much more to offer you than self harm. It takes a long time but it's worth it and each day without self harm you get closer to getting better.

[chinahorse]

Thanks guys.

I will sound whiney but I just want things to be fair and they aren't and :(

[Bellatrix]

Can you voice that In community meeting? You would be able to get support.

[chinahorse]

I voiced it to a nurse. And he said it's not a case of what's fair but they take it a case by case basis and it's the severity of what I do and that I'm disconnected from it. But it's not fair.

[Bellatrix]

Why do you think they have different expectations for you?