I'm really distressed right now, I found out yesterday morning as it's now nearly 1am, that one of my best friends who has been like a mum to me, has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, when she told me on the phone I literally couldn't speak, I burst into tears and have been shaking and irrationally emotional all day, I can't relax, I can't sleep, and I think the extra stress and worry has caused me to hear voices again, something that I hadn't experienced for 13 years, and it's really frightening, I'm terrified of it, and don't have time for hospital what with my holiday fast approaching and my friend needing me, me to be strong, whilst she goes through treatment for her cancer, there just isn't time, I don't have a psych appointment until 6th of December, and have tried getting the appointment brought forward, but I can't, it's impossible, I feel trapped and alone, the voices are telling me to hurt myself, I can't sleep, I don't know what to do
I'm so so sorry to hear that your best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is a cruel and random attacker and leaves nothing but heartache and upset behind. I'm also so sorry that you have been hearing voices for the first time in so long. To be honest though this news is so big and so sudden that I'm not surprised your mind and body are going into shock and resorting to old coping mechanisms.
It's really rubbish that you can't get your appointment carried forward what other support do you have at the moment? Do you have a CPN? Do you have family or friends (maybe those not connected to your best friend) who can be there for you? It's great that you posted here on RYL we're always here to listen and support.
Are you able to have a chat with your GP and see if they can do anything in the meantime up til December? Do you have any hearing voices groups near you you could look up? It's going to be a tough time ahead and if you want to be there for your friend in this fight against cancer, you need to make sure that you are as stable as you can be to be there for her. Take good care.
Sophie.x
Soon... Now will be then...Today will be yesterday... Present will be past...And thought will be memory... So...Live for the future! Make your future how you want it!
Hi everyone, thanks for the hugs, means a lot, Hi Sophie thanks for the reply, I don't really know where to start, so here goes, I'll try to keep this as short as I can, not to over complicate it.
Other than my Psychiatrist appointment on the 6th of December the only support I have is from my counsellor with the local Drug and Alcohol team, I see him on Friday, I don't have a CPN, they don't have CPN's at my CMHT because it's so rural, my dad is an alcoholic so not much use to me, my mum is my dad's carer, as well as helping to look after my grandfather who is suffering with dementia, and lives 30 miles away, so my mum doesn't really have time for me, my parents are often at my grandfathers house 30 miles away, I don't drive, and public transport here is terrible, 98% of my friends are all connected to my friend Caroline, and the few that aren't I have been trying to spend some time around doing things that are positive, but my nearest friend who isn't connected to Caroline, lives 15 miles away, and I only really see a maximum of twice a week, and today we argued because of a difference of opinion with 10p arcade machine, and whether it's considered gambling, I was using the machine as enjoyment, and a distraction, and he got really angry with me.
I don't even know officially who my GP is, let alone get in contact with him, mine retired, the GP I have found helpful, is just an associate GP, he's great if I can get in to see him, but 9 times out of 10 I can't even get passed the receptionists, or get asked to see a different GP who I've never met, who I don't feel comfortable to see, especially considering he's previously been rude and mean to me on the phone.
I'm not sure about a "hearing voices group" I'd never heard of one, or seen one advertised anywhere, not sure if they have any in South Wales, however this is something I'll definitely look into.
I have emailed the Samaritans as I didn't know where else to turn at this point, I think I'll have a google around to see if there is a "hearing voices group" anywhere that I can access, now I know such a thing exists, fingers crossed I find something, as although I only have 2 days until I see my counsellor, it feels like even a minute is like a year, and that I can't even cope until then.
I'm really distressed right now, I found out yesterday morning as it's now nearly 1am, that one of my best friends who has been like a mum to me, has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, when she told me on the phone I literally couldn't speak, I burst into tears and have been shaking and irrationally emotional all day, I can't relax, I can't sleep, and I think the extra stress and worry has caused me to hear voices again, something that I hadn't experienced for 13 years, and it's really frightening, I'm terrified of it, and don't have time for hospital what with my holiday fast approaching and my friend needing me, me to be strong, whilst she goes through treatment for her cancer, there just isn't time, I don't have a psych appointment until 6th of December, and have tried getting the appointment brought forward, but I can't, it's impossible, I feel trapped and alone, the voices are telling me to hurt myself, I can't sleep, I don't know what to do
The link between being emotional and hearing the voices is real. If you never felt shocked, upset, traumatized etc you would never of heard voices. "Mental issues" are often really emotional issues they project into mental distortions - that project back into emotional distortions and so on.
Your mind is like a radio. It can pick up on static, wrong channels etc when you fall outside your balance zone. I don't hear voices but I know if I got too emotional, upset etc I would increase my chances - same thing with PTSD.
The good news is that since harsh emotions started the problem, modifying emotions can reverse situation. Don't struggle with thoughts, feelings, voices etc. Just observe the links between upsets and voices and be in quiet disagreement with them. See the upsets and let them pass. If your hand was slapped it would sting and then get better on its own. Emotional shocks and upsets will also smooth out if you dont get upset and struggle with them. You can feel upset for a couple days and then one day the upset is just gone without you doing anything
I'm not sure the last reply is all that helpful, other than giving insight into the trigger of the voices, and the insight likening the mind to a radio, is exactly right on how I feel, not many people tend to discuss that way of thinking or feeling, so I guess it gives me comfort for someone who doesn't hear voices to actually understand that, suggesting I ignore the voices, is probably not such a good idea. I think that could just make it worse, I think talking about things helps, I'm not the biggest believer in upset solving it's self, I feel the need to explore the upset, and break it down into manageable chunks, I don't have PTSD, so not really sure of the relevance, but thanks for the insight.
I'm not really sure I understand what you mean by modifying emotions, how do I go about this, to me my emotions stem from a lifetime of pain and learnt behaviours, something I can't just change over night, I often use substances to help during periods of time when I do need to start looking at and changing how emotions affect me, and often use these to bridge the gap while I look at each emotion in turn and try a technique to try and repair the thought process to make that emotion manageable, so I guess that is some way towards what modifying, but I see this as conditioning, rather than modifying.
Modifying I see as becoming cold and detached, something I neither like or want, I have been through periods of detachment and it is a very lonely place to be, working through my emotions gradually while maintaining focus is definitely the best option, although I often lose sight of that hence posting here, the moral support I receive here, helps keep me afloat, until I can work through this with my counsellor, it also provides a distraction from the voices to have to read, think and process the answers that for me is a good thing, although also challenging, as the voices can be very distracting at times.
Isoverity I like your signature, I'd never previously seen/noticed this quote, I guess that's very true, I guess there is hidden motive, and even this could have influence on how we react, just because we do not observe the hidden motives, it doesn't mean their not there, almost thus saying my mind is creating voices not to hurt me, but to try to make me more resilient to the over powering emotions, so thanks for that, I'm not sure who Gustave Le Bon is, but now I've developed an interest I may look up who he/she is and see if there are any more quotes that help me relate in a positive way to my situation
