I'm slipping and I don't see how things can change. I feel so alone, but also stuggle being around people too often, so it's just unreasonable of me.
I hate myself. I am repulsive and a waste of space. Bad coping mechanisms, but is it bad if it helps?
I miss my mum so much. It has not even been three months since she died and it feels like people expect me to cope. I want her back so much.
My mental health is bad just now, but I can't talk, can't express it. I feel like I should be able or expected to get through it but I can't find a way, or the point. It's all so fuzzy and it hurts.
I know I should reach out, but I can't face the same comments, same clichés, especially the cliches about the grief I feel. I think I have also reached a point where I can't see anything helping. Or maybe I can't express it because there is nothing wrong with me.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother, with grief there is no right way to respond or feel. It must be difficult when people expect you to cope, here is a safe place. You don't have to be coping here.
Is there anything else that is contributing to your mental health being bad at the moment?
Are there any ways to improve on the bad coping mechanisms? In what ways do they help? It might help, in suggestions of better coping mechanisms
I am so sorry to anyone who reads this. When I said I can't face clichés, I was talking about in real life. Everyone here is so kind and I don't want people to think I'm rude and mean.
Tiptoes, thank you. I wish I knew how to answer that about my mental health. Losing my mum is obviously devastating, but I also think depression, bad thoughts, over thinking and anxiety is increasing. I'll try to think of other coping mechanisms, but everything is so daunting and it's hard to focus. My head is so fuzzy and I'm struggling to explain myself or understand.
You have no need to be sorry. I'm sorry I'm no use or help but sending my love and best wishes, you're a good person, a very good person. I'm so sorry again about your mum. Wish I could help more.
Do you think grief counselling might be helpful for you? The people doing it would be very used to people finding it difficult to talk about and might be able to find a safe and productive way for you to work through your grief.
Don't apologize for having feelings, we won't hold it against you.
I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't try to push yourself to get over the grieving process. Everyone grieves differently, and the hard part is learning how to "handle" it in the most productive way possible. Your feelings are understandable and relatable. When I talk about hard things, I feel like I'm reliving the moment, so the thought of talking about it scares me because I don't want to experience the bad sensations again. However, the more I talk about it with people willing to help and listen, the more I heal. It will take a long time for the wound to close, but you won't feel this way forever. Remember that tomorrow is always a new day, and give yourself a chance to be happy.
Jenna, it's something for me to think about. Just now it all seems so overwhelming and frightening.
Athena, thank you. You're right, everyone does grieve differently. I appreciate the advice.
Today is a bad day. I'm in hide away mode and very low. I did manage to shop at the start of the week and meet people for coffee. It was nerve wracking, but I did manage to distract myself for a while.
I can't take this. I am panicking a lot. I'm scared bad things will happen. I can't stop overthinking things and coming to the worse possible outcome over and over. There is no escape. I really feel like something bad is going to happen and it scares me. Anything I've done wrong jumps in my head too, and it worries me that people think I'm horrible. I stopped my quetiapine. I feel so highly strung and can't make my thoughts stop. This is unbearable. I have started my quetiapine again, but then I have these thoughts on it too, but the last few days it has escalated. I tried contacting cmht yesterday, but it didn't help. Distractions are not working. I spent the day with my sister today and the thoughts were still there. Now I'm alone in my flat and my mind is racing in such a repetitive way. How can I make it stop?
What are you afraid of happening? Your last posts showed that you started to feel better, so maybe you're just hitting another low point on the roller coaster. Are you afraid of your meds? Have you spoken to your GP about it or let them know that you've stopped taking them?
Sounds like its time for some new distractions. What doesn't work anymore? Are there any hobby sites that you can browse for new ideas? Take a walk through a craft store or browse Pintrest.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope you're not alone in this. Get well soon.
That's anxiety which is to be expected after a loss. You have lovely hair and are very pretty and soon the hurt and pain will fade but it's only been three months. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself here as you are truly suffering and deserve the right to feel pain. Just maybe go for walks or paint and write about it. Art therapy sounds like it could help? I know it helped me when I was hurting. I hope you feel better soon.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Athena, thank you. I am afraid of meds. I'm losing weight just now and scared they will make it harder. I've always said I don't think quetiapine made me gain weight, that it was being unwell and inactive caused my weight gain and that I gained it before quetiapine, but what if I was wrong? I'll need to talk to my psych about it. I am out today in a coffee shop trying to distract myself and meeting my dad. I'm overthinking things that I'm too embarrassed to write here, but my brain just won't shut up. When I'm at my worse nothing works to distract, but I'll try at other times.
Musical solitude, that's really kind of you. Before I was this unwell I was working freelance as an artist, sometimes similar to teaching or therapeutic art, so I think art therapy wouldn't help because I've worked in a similar profession. I will try to use art like you suggested though. I have a few canvas on the go that needs painting.
Thank you for asking. I am low and have been getting worked up with overthinking and distressing thoughts, and I obviously miss my mum so much.
I did manage to paint though. And do some house work. I know that is a good thing, but it can be so hard to focus on the positive. I did go for a walk today too.
I can understand that it can be hard to focus on the positives.
Would it help to write down in a journal, like have a positive journal, the positive things you did each day? Just to remind yourself that you are doing positive thing despite feeling so low. And you can look back on it as well.
Not all meds make you put on weight, so it is worth asking about medication. For instance I'm on Topiramate which is an anti-epileptic but is also used as a mood stabaliser and one of the side effects can be loss of appetite. So it's worth looking into different options and not taking meds completely out of the equation. Another I'm sure of Venlafaxine - AD I don't think that has weight gain as a side effect. I know I'm throwing meds out there that may be completely irrelevant to you I just want to see not all meds put on weight.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Writing the positives down is a good idea. Thanks Amy. I'll ask the psych about other meds. I worry about being a pest, but I think I need to talk about it.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
