Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
she makes the money. its her disision of what to spend it, even if a little bit, on.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
no one knows how to help me they just pass me on once their brains finaly register the story and they realize how big it is.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
I know it's no exsuse, and it sounds completely stupid, but I REALLY hated cleaning my room. I was disgusted but desperate for help cleaning my room.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
It sounds like you have quite a few issues to work through, both as you and as a family. I would start with you! Having had so many therapists is not helpful. You need to work through one issue at a time. I would perhaps start with anger/emotional regulation. Can you focus your attention on that specific task and try not to get dragged into any more difficult situations with your sister. That has happened, and no matter what happened it's in the past. As rightly or wrongly thAt happened and if any of you want a 'normal' life you need to draw a line learn lessons from it, not do anything like that again (no matter how you see it) and move on.
As a family you need to decide what is best all round for the dynamic to work. Set up ground rules and stick to it. For example, not keep repeating or discussing what has happened.
Once you are able to manage your reactions better you may find life becomes easier. Attempting to kill yourself or harming yourself will not help. It will make things worse. I think you need to be less overwhelmed by what has happened and focus on one thing that you would like to change at a time. You are very young, as you mature/develop learn new skills to cope manage your behaviours and you can go on to live a wonderful life.
I wish you all the best. I hope it becomes easier for you! Keep trying.
I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..
For you to be able to move on and forgive ypurself, you need to first accept responsibility. How are you supposed to help ypurself if you keep blaming your sister.
If i was her and you tried to choke me, i would be terrified of you and what you might do. I have been on the victims end in situations like that many times and you have no idea how scary that is.
Your sister is troubled, she may do inappriotate things but it is your choice if you act to them. How you respond. You should have walked away cause whatever she has done, it wasnt a healthy thing and you should have just left. And you knew this, if you genuinely felt it was her fault, you wouldnt feel this guilty and upset.
You have very difficult family relations and you need help with that. All of you. But you need to accept that you had a part in this, that you have a responsibility not to do these things, regardless of what she asks. If she asks you to kill her and you do, would that be okay? No, you would still be punished as guilty cause it is wrong and against the law. So was having sex with her and taking advantage of an obviously troubled and vulnerable young girl.
I dont believe you are beyond help or cruel. I think you are incredibly misguided and misreads her signs. You claim you want help and to get better and all that, if that should be a realistic goal, you need to accept your responsibility and that you did wrong. Not blame it all on others.
And you need to get intense help and be removed from your sister until you have worked this through and solved it. Cause until then, you are a danger to each other and you will end up doing things you both regret because you are troubled.
And you seriously need to solve your anger issues. Choking people is not okay. No matter how unfair you feel they have done to you. And maybe listen to what your sister says you have done. She is not making it up. That is her reality, how she feels and she says these things because she is upset, hurting and doesnt know what else to do. Validate her feelings and maybe she will validate yours as well.
Den fuldkomne kærlighed,
Kan ikke eksistere blandt ufuldkomne
I agree with what was said a few pages back... if you really are only 12, as you have said, then this thread is INCREDIBLY intense and possibly very damaging in its responses for such a young person.
It is very very clear that you have a lot of anger issues and you also have issues with your relationship with your sister. The whole thing sounds incredibly confusing for both of you. I would also perhaps agree with Morpheus that when someone responds to being asked to help with something with 'lick my butt' or whatever it was that your sister said, it sounds more like a way of telling you you are not getting any kind of help from her, rather than it actually being a literal demand to get her help. If you have been diagnosed with a disorder on the autistic spectrum this might make sense, as people with ASD struggle to understand sarcasm and joking and take things quite literally.
However, that is not to say that continuing the way you did and having sex with her is ok - it definitely isnt, regardless of the circumstances, and I would agree with Abintra that victims of abuse, even from a very young age, will seek out the same forms of abuse in other people because it is normal to them... which may indicate something worrying where your sister is concerned.
But I think for now, you need to try and focus on you and trying to get your anger and emotions in check.
Thanks guys. Sorry I have'nt answered in a while. Alot has been happening lately. The docter took me off my medicine when she found out about the muscle spasms or what ever. My grandpa is still alive, my grandma will be moving in with us after he... moves on, and I did some soul-searching. The results: All my anger is gone, replaced with guilt and self-hatred. i am a despicable, cruel, heartless, satanic, phsycotic jerk.
P.S. im changing username to flickeringcandle as soon as i can.
Even though the world around me is dark,
I am a dim flame in the sorrow and depresion
A flicker of hope in this dark world in which we inhabit.
I will stay strong through the storms,
Never letting go of that glimmer of hope,
However small it is.
