I know I didn't know you that well but we shared some of the most important and desperate few months of my life, if not yours too. I can't quite get my head around the fact that you're gone. I always saw what you had achieved on Facebook and I must admit to being jealous of how well you were doing. I guess we only ever see part of the story.
I hope you aren't suffering any more.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I know I said it was okay that you forgot and that your phone had been turned off so I couldn't ask you where you were, but it really is not okay. I feel like that was my last shot for the week and now it's gone.
I love you. I know you don't believe that because of the way I treated you in the past, but I'm a changed person and I'm going to show you that you have a daughter you can be proud of.
You mean more to me than I can ever possibly try to explain. I wish I could tell you because it's important to...but I don't have the words. I love you though.
- - -
I wanna help, I just hope having me to text does at least some good.
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
You are a liar & a dickhead & a typical man. You say you're my best friend, that its okay if were just friends 'cause you'd rather have me in your life than not atall. You say you understand I don't want you like that. You say its all okay. & then you drop me. Then its NOT okay, 'cause someone else has me. 'Cause I've always loved her & you know it.
Then you refuse to see me. Refuse to text, call, answer anything, & have the audacity to post 'poor me' statuses.
Grow the fuck up you arrogant ass hole, I know you've been telling the whole of Tesco you're with me.
You're heart broken? Oh please. You've been lying this whole year, pretending you were my best friend when all you wanted was to get into my pants,,, well tough sh*t,, she's in my pants now. Ha.
Thankyou I don't even know your names but thank you. Thankyou for being so understanding. I...well hugs are often hard for me and I actually felt comfortable you hugging me, that's unusual, not unheard of but unusual. God should make a million of you. And the minute I feel well enough I will be back with a big bunch of flowers or whatever.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
You cannot just walk back in here and pretend like you didn't send those texts. You cannot expect me to smile at you and engage in conversation with you because I don't care. Show some consistency. Show me you can act like an adult. Maybe then we can talk. But right now I don't trust you not to try to poison us or something. I am not letting my guard down for you to then go and do something else to duck things up. Don't take me talking to you as a sign that I forgive you. I just don't want to be too rude.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
I love you. Thats it. I won't fit in around your arty, cool, socially aware friends or people tomorrow and I'm so anxious its untrue. But I love you and the smile in your voice when I confirmed I'm coming means that I'll put myself in a stress trigger zone because I love you. And I'm so proud of you. Please don't freak out if I hide in the corner a bit.
"well Lauren, I think I may leave it there as I feel sitting in silence is doing more harm than good!"
well fuck you.
you are leaving me. everybody always leaves me and I can't handle it anymore. I trusted you. I told you everything and now you are just leaving without a care in the world.
I can't do this anymore. I need to be dead. you don't care anyway.. if you did you wouldn't be leaving me!
you know how hard it is for me to trust people and really open up. you have known that for years but still you talk like nothing is gonna change. well think again - everything is changing and you are doing nothing about it.
I was stupid in trusting you, calling you week after week after week. you can't help me. no one can and the sooner that I am dead the better.
you don't care about me. need to lie now. pretend that everything is fine and I am ok. what will happen will hurt people so much but you caused this and there is no other way out. I can't do this anymore!!!
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
It's such a fucking slap in the face, after ALL the bullshit we talked about. How reciprocation is not a fucking issue seeing as you have no interest in a relationship. Or YOU, how you don't know how it's going to carry on after our relationship ends, but you'd still like to see me. All this. FUCKING lies.
And it hits. *So* HARD. When I realise, FINALLY, being the fool that I am, that none of that was about circumstance, or just leaving things to play out by themselves. It was never about that. It's me.
You just don't want me.
You want to find someone. You want to make a connection. You want ALL THOSE MOTHERFUCKING THINGS I AM OPENLY OFFERING TO YOU.
You just don't fucking want them from me.
How the fuck am I supposed to go on knowing all this..?
I'm sorry that I don't like this anymore. Youve done a lot for me. And I should be grateful. And I should do more now. But....it's frustrating. Because you're not the same anymore. I wonder if youd still like to play go fish. And because i have other things going on. It's hard to find time when it doesnt feel like much. I still love you...and I'm sorry. I'm not saying this because I'm giving up. Its because I know what I do isn't enough.
Last edited by forever_lost : 13-06-2014 at 01:30 AM.
Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak.
Sometimes it just means you're strong enough to let go.
