Im sorry to hear about this, your head must be in a turmoil and emotions flying everywhere.
Im not sure what I can offer in the way of help. I am a wife and mum whose been married for a similar length as your parents.
From any angle this is an awful thing to go through.
The thing that helped us as a family was to all sit down and talk...lots of questions, lots of tears. There was anger and hate, but everyone said what they felt needed to be said. It may not change what is happening but it may help you to see both sides of what is going on and therefore help to you to keep a good relationship with both parents.
sorry, probably none of this makes sense, but please feel free to pm me.
My mum cheated on my Dad. I wasn't upset, but maybe circumstances were different.
I'm not sure how to deal with it if you are upset about it, or have any negative feelings about it, but I just wanted to say that I have to been in that situation of a parent cheating.
Thanks for the replies. I feel really angry at my mum still. I'm currently not very well with my mental health and hearing this news hasn't helped.
I might tell htt and see what they advise to keep my stress to a minimum.
I think I can forgive her but im nit happy about it. Not at all.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
Does your mum know about what is going on for you right now?
Maybe you could find a nice way to say that right now, you really don't need or want to know about that stuff as it's not helpful for you to deal with right now?
(in a nice way, I don't know how that would be, I'm no use at nice ways of saying difficult things, sorry)
My dad cheated on my Mum. I found out a couple of years ago and thought it was over, but it turned out he never ended it and then has left, last September.
I don't think there's a right thing to be feeling. I'm still very raw, I'm hugely angry at my dad. For two main reasons, firstly because of the way he's treated my mum and how badly he's hurt her and secondly because I no longer see him as the man I grew up with, as his actions have completely damaged how I think of him and have made me question what I thought I knew about him.
I think that what's important is that you're honest with your parents about how you're feeling. It's also important that you recognise your emotions and respond to these, telling the HTT would be a good step. I completely cut my dad off. I don't know if it's the right decision, but I wasn't in a position to be able to be seeing and speaking to him and there was a lot of other stuff that went on, so I felt it for the best at the time.
What I will say is make sure you have support in place. This all sent me on a bit of a downward spiral and I got myself into a right mess.
Long story short, I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I think that anger is a natural response, but try not to internalise any of this, as your parents are adults and responsible for their own actions. Take care and if I can help, just let me know.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
I'm on the other side of the equation as I left my husband of 20 years in December having met someone else. My 25 year old has talked to me twice and seen me once. He is anxious and upset although he won't talk to me about it. Most people assume that my meeting someone else was the reason for the break up but what they do not know is that my husband had refused to have sex for 15 years, during which time I felt humiliated, rejected and profoundly unattractive. I believed for a long time that my husband's behaviour was all my fault. Now I know differently. I don't think that I cheated as I told my husband and separated as soon as I realised how I felt about my new partner.
What I would like to say to you is that I wish that my son would talk to me about how he feels, even if he is angry and blames me. I am aware though that it is his right to keep his feelings to himself and I respect that. Just as I hope that your parents would respect your feelings. I grew up in a family where we (the children) were not allowed to express or even have feelings and know how destructive that is.
I know that we are all different and hope that you find some peace soon.
Last edited by K8EB : 30-05-2014 at 12:06 PM.
Reason: Clarity
Niles: I really must go. I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.
