help or not. scared!

gleeek2013 · 28-04-2014, 12:13 AM

A really close friend has picked up on my eating habits. She keeps asking what iv ate and keep trying to tall, but I can't. I lie to her etc. She messaged me online saying she wants me to get help, she wants to come so she can help me in between meetings etc. Truth is I'm terrified. I don't want anyone knowing or making me eat. Admittedly iv barely ate all week. But I don't believe I have an eating disorder even though my bmi is now 1 whole number away from underweight category. I'm scared to tell her all this. It makes me cry when she send caring messages that are nice. I feel guilty and bad and Idk why. I don't know what to do anymore guys needing advice.

Shenanigans · 28-04-2014, 07:09 PM

Can you please remove the numbers in your thread? It is against the rules and very triggering for other members. If you need a reminder on what you can or cannot post please re-read the stickied threads at the top of this board.

Take care.

Pi.R^2 · 28-04-2014, 07:32 PM

It sounds like you're in two minds over all this- half of you wants to deny there's a problem, whilst the other half knows that this is an issue?

What do you want, in your heart of hearts? Do you want this to continue to develop into something you can't control, or do you want to get help?

If you do decide you don't want help right now, you could perhaps tell your friend that you don't want to lie to her, but you also aren't in a position to be honest about things at the moment, so you'd rather she didn't ask, but that if you do want to talk about things you will be sure to contact her.

Take care.

gleeek2013 · 28-04-2014, 11:04 PM

Yh I will remove number sorry
And yh iv tried telling her everything fine she done need to worry... But when we alone she pops question out of nowhere what u eat today. I know ur lying. Or when I'm at hers she will but me for hours to eat and threatened to tell my mum if it gets worse.
People are telling my mum I look too thin and my mum trying to make me go to docs to checked for diabetes since she don't know what the problem is. There has been more than a handful now said to my mum.
I was looking for clothes to wear tomorrow and hardly any fit, I can see how big they are but I can't see the weight I lost I still look the same to me. I know it's dangerous and I can't keep it up forever but I just can't eat either

gleeek2013 · 29-04-2014, 08:11 AM

Yh I will try say that to her hunni xx I don't know why I can't eat, I look at food, I'm hungry, but nah. I keep avoiding mealtimes and making excuses that iv ate such and such at work when I have not. Skipping a meal feels better than eating it, eating makes me feel guilty, ashamed, wrong, and my stomach started hurting when I eat even half a meal.

Pi.R^2 · 29-04-2014, 11:20 PM

In the end, having an eating disorder will feel a hell of a lot worse than eating does. Every meal you skip means another step you have to make up when you realise that an eating disorder will kill you (physically and mentally) and that you want rid of it.

Would it help to try to unpick some of the reasoning behind food making you feel guilty? When did this start?