I understand feeling like you 'need' it and can't cope without it. I don't think that's true, though, and I think that all you achieve by telling yourself that is keeping yourself trapped in this cycle, which obviously isn't making you happy. You can stop if you want to, but you probably never will feel ready, you just have to do it anyway.
I think it's important that you tell your team. Even if you decide you don't want to stop - they can't make you - it's still important for them to know what's going on, they can't really help you otherwise.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I really hope you're as okay as possible and looking after yourself. What good things could you do for yourself this afternoon? Sending lots of love xxx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I suppose I'm psychologically dependent on it. I've had some today just so nothing bad happens and if it does I can cope with it,
I'll bring it up with my psychotherapist on friday when I next see her.
Your right I don't feel ready but that is become I am in control of it rather than it being in control of my life. I function better then normal on it.
It doesn't sound harsh at all.
I've done another workout this afternoon so feeling good for that. I'm also trying to chill waiting for my auctions to end on eBay. Time needs to go faster.
I might dye my hair tonight like I said I would, or at least just bleach it. Or I could leave it to my mum tomorrow maybe see if she's up to it.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Oh Ames <3 I'm sorry you're struggling. Can you call someone or something to try to keep yourself safe.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
My friend phoned the police and ambo. So I had to go to hospital. Everyone was really nice. I spoke to some lovely women and she's going to get my AP changed to Quetiapine and see how that goes and is referring me for bereavement counselling finally.
So hopefully I just needed to get the bad out of my system and things will be fine for a while. I know counselling is going to bring up some difficult emotions for me but with doing psychotherapy hpefully I will learn some skills to cope with them.
Sorry for worrying everyone!
Your replies are much appreciated <3
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm glad your friend called someone to make sure you were safe. I'm sorry things got so bad.
Do you think changing medication will help? I find Quetiapine handy if I'm struggling because I take it and it knocks me out.
I'm glad they're offering counselling to you. You're right it will bring up some tough emotions but in the long run it'll be better.
How are you feeling today?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
My friend is a good one, don't know what I'd do without her. I still have ligature marks around my neck, I hope they go soon and not stay like the others did.
I'm hoping the meds change will help, but guess I won't know till I try it out. I need it sorting by friday as I go away this weekend. Seeing my CC on weds so hopefully she can sort something quickly. One of my best mates is on Quetiapine and also finds it helpful so I hope I will too else they say I can go back on Olanzapine as that has really helped with the delusions and voices.
I'm glad I've finally been referred for bereavement counselling. I've been asking for 8 months for this to happen, and finally someone has listened. The women psych I spoke to was really good she listened and she helped me figure out that whilst I blame the hospital for Frankie's death I also blame myself to some extent too. Hopefully we can work on that in counselling. I hope the waiting list isn't long.
I'm feeling good today :) it's mad how things can just change.
I've been into town shopping with a friend and let myself have a caramel latte in Nero's. Aims 1 -0 ED :) I didn't get scared or anything about going out or by the drink. The PRN finally worked! I feel so free.
My mum wants me to keep my strawberry blonde hair but I want to go pink for friday. Will tone it tomorrow yet out the ginger-ness.
Apparently I look like I've lost weight (healthily) GO ME I'm told I have a slimmer face. YAY.
I had to support my mum today she's struggling and keeps on crying it's hard to see and I know I am a part of her worries. We walked round the park for a while and I tried to comfort her. I worry she's not okay, I've told her to book a doctors appointment if she still feels like this in a few days. I hope she does.
I haven't done a workout today and feel guilty for that. Even though I have walked to town and around and back and round the big park twice. I may have to do some intense working out later to make this feeling need to go away.
Sorry for the essay, just lots to say, appreciate any hugs, and replies <3
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'm sorry things got so bad but I'm glad that you found support and that there are plans in place for you. I think the bereavement counselling sounds very good and I hope you hear back from that soon.
I'm glad you've had a better day today as well. Well done on getting out with your friend and getting a drink that you don't usually feel safe with. That's really positive!
I'm sorry your mum has been upset, I know it can be very difficult to see her like that but it's good that you felt able to speak with her and you two spent that time together. I'm sure she really appreciates that. I hope that she goes to the doctor and speak to them about what's going on. It sounds like you gave her some very good advice.
Try not to feel guilty. It sounds to me like you've had a very positive day, and you've done a lot!
Take care of yourself
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I am glad that your day was mostly positive, I think that is important to remember when you have hard times that their are still good times.
Do you know what's making you want to cut at the moment? What can you do to distract yourself? You are stronger than those urges, I have faith in you that you can fight this. Here for you <3
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
