Doctors Appointment Soon - Possibly Triggering

[BeautifulFreak24]

I have a doctors appointment on the 19th. This is a new doctor, as I lost my last one (she was a pediatrics doctor) because I'm too old.
I'm seriously considering cancelling my appointment, because I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to happen.
I don't know if I can go through with telling her I self harm. At the very least, not on the first day.
I was given a questionnaire to answer, like the kind that asks if you have heart problems, diabetes, depression etc etc. I bubbled in the "I think about harming myself/others" option and then asked my mom about something else (this was a bit later, and I'd forgotten I'd bubbled in that option) and had a small panic attack after I'd given her the paper. Thankfully, we were on a different page, and she didn't start flipping through it. I can only imagine how horrible that would have been if she'd seen that I'd bubbled that in.

I'm just really panicky right now, and really really want to cancel my appointment. I understand how important it is, and how big this step is, but I don't know if I'm ready to take it.

[Fire Fly]

Hi lovely,
Welldone for being so honest in the questionnaire. It shows your dedicated and wanting help. I can't imagine how frightening it will be but remember you do want the help hence why you've made the appt. you can get through this appointment. Just try and be honest and hopefully you will get the help and support you want. Keep the appt and do some deep breathing and remember this is what you want. X

[TimesLikeThese]

Well done for making an appointment and being honest on the questionnaire - they are two big steps towards receiving help and, ultimately, recovery.

You say you are 'absolutely terrified of what is going to happen' - what is it that you think is going to happen?

I would really try to keep this appointment and use it to reach out for support - it's clear that you want to. Is there anyone you could take with you to the appointment, either just for in the waiting room or to come in with you for moral support?

[BeautifulFreak24]

Thanks for the replies.

This is going to sound weird, but I'm not really sure what I'm afraid of, I just know I am. I just feel like she's going to make me do something I don't want to, like telling my parents, or making me go to the hospital.

There isn't really anyone I could take with me. Only one person knows I self harm, and she doesn't really seem to care about it.

[lovetherain]

hi!

i know EXACTLY how you feel. when i was a teenager, i dreaded any doctors because i worried what they'd do/say. hell, i even lied about my name once when i got caught shoplifting b/c i didn't want my parents to know! and i was 18!

anyway, your profile says you're 19. in the us, you're an adult. so the doctor cannot make you do anything OR say anything. you can explicitly tell them not to mention it, but patient privacy is a legality.

as long as you are not in an absolute state of disarray, they will not admit you anywhere without your consent. but that is very rare.

i'm sure it won't be 0.1% of what you think it'll be. that's how it always turns out for me, anyway. :)

[BeautifulFreak24]

Thank you, lovetherain.

I'm still nervous, but being reminded that they can't force me into anything is reassuring.